


Of Coffee, Snow and Broken Boys

by elderkevinmckinley



Series: "Of Coffee, Snow and Broken Boys" universe [1]
Category: The Book of Mormon - Ambiguous Fandom, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Abuse, Angst, But everything will work out I promise, Character Study, Connor is abused by his fiance but Kevin helps him, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Kevin is the world's biggest dork, Kevin moves to NYC, Kevin shows Connor what real love is, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Physical Abuse, Post-Canon, Sexual Abuse, Slow Burn, They work in a coffee shop, mcpriceley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 02:28:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 57,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11750172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elderkevinmckinley/pseuds/elderkevinmckinley
Summary: Fed up with his lonely life in Orlando, twenty-six-year-old Kevin Price moves to New York City to start fresh and re-kindle his friendship with Connor—only to discover that his former district leader is being emotionally, and possibly physically, abused by his fiancé.McPriceley





	1. Chapter 1

Kevin Price had one dream and one dream only after coming back home from Uganda: to move to his favorite place in the whole world— _Orlando, Florida_.

He had tried to convince Arnold and Connor to follow him to Orlando for college, but Connor had gotten into NYU’s big-name theatre school and Arnold wanted to follow Naba to UCLA. Kevin couldn’t really blame them. He knew it had always been Connor’s lifelong dream to live in New York City and get a role on Broadway. Going to NYU would give him the perfect head start. So he understood Connor’s decision. Kevin _was_ a little disappointed, but he knew Orlando simply wasn’t everyone else’s dream. It was Kevin’s dream.

Four years later, Kevin graduated from UCF with honors and a relatively useless English degree. Soon after, he landed his first job at Walt Disney World to make ends meet. He knew he wanted to be a writer one day, that’s why he majored in English, but being a writer wasn’t going to pay the rent. At least not yet.

Sure, he loved being at Disney World. It was his favorite place on Earth, after all. But going to the park for fun and working there were two entirely different things. He was in charge of running the _Finding Nemo_ ride. Sure, he enjoyed meeting all the happy families, excited to be at Disney World. He even got to do the introduction to the ride _as_ the character Nemo. The Disney-crazed part of his brain thought that was pretty darn cool. He also got unlimited park passes and discounts on merchandise and food. There were downsides to the job, though. The weather was unbearably hot, the job didn’t pay very well, and he had trouble making any real friends that wanted to hang out with him outside of work.

After two years of doing the same job day after day and realizing he wasn’t very happy with his life, he started entertaining the idea of moving somewhere else. Maybe California, where Arnold and Naba lived? Or New York City, with Connor?

His college friends had all moved away and he spent most nights making a sad little microwave dinner for himself, watching TV until about one in the morning, falling asleep with the TV on and waking up just to do it all over again. It was quite the lonely existence.

There was also the fact that he had finally come out as gay. Orlando had a pretty robust gay community, but he just didn’t relate to most of them. He was an _ex-Mormon_ from _Utah_. He wasn’t hip or overly stylish. He wasn’t up on the latest gay culture news or gossip. Sure, he had an enviable physique and dazzling good looks that would make any gay man in Orlando turn their head twice, but by the time any of his dates really got to know him, they almost always lost interest. Deep down, Kevin Price was still a gosh-darn-golly-gee ex-Mormon from Salt Lake City who enjoyed watching animated Disney movies and thought that holding hands with another man counted as first base.

His naïve nature and wholesome Mormon upbringing occasionally peaked the interest of some rather unsavory types who would fetishize his innocence, but he would usually pick up on it right away and cut them loose. All he really wanted was someone who would just love him for his true self, not someone who fetishized him or thought he was a loser just because he didn’t have sex on the third date and thought the idea of a good time was watching the Lion King and eating ice cream out the carton. Was that really too much to ask?

Kevin deeply regretted the fact that once upon a time, he did have someone close to him who appreciated him for who he truly was, someone who took the time to understand him, knew all of his flaws but cared about him regardless, but he let that person get away.

That person was Connor McKinley.

Kevin had realized pretty early on, while in Uganda, that Connor McKinley had a bit of a crush on him. After some time had passed and the boys grew closer, Kevin realized that he, too, was falling hard for his redheaded District Leader. Who wouldn’t though? He had the cutest little freckles all over his face, the brightest blue eyes, and puffy ginger hair that looked absolutely adorable when it got all mussed. Kevin thought Connor was the sweetest, kindest person in the universe. But Kevin just wasn’t ready to be in a relationship with a _boy_. At least, not yet. Not back then. The entire prospect terrified him. But twenty-six-year-old Kevin Price would have given anything to go back in time and force his nineteen-year-old self to ask Connor out on a date. _If only…_

Nevertheless, the past was the past and Kevin had to keep trudging forward as best he could.

Connor, Arnold and Kevin had tried their best to keep in contact with one another as much as they could after coming back to the states, but going off to different colleges made it difficult. Their communication had slowed down after a couple years and eventually came to a stop altogether.

That was, until they all met up with each other at a weekend-long District Nine reunion in Salt Lake City a little over a year ago. When Kevin walked into that room and saw everyone’s faces from his mission, he couldn’t believe how happy he was to see everyone again. It practically brought tears to his eyes. Having to say goodbye to everyone again was almost too much to bear. He didn’t want to go back to his shitty studio apartment and terrible, low-paying job. He just wanted to stay with his _friends_.

After the reunion was over and everyone was getting ready to go back to their respective states and lives, Kevin, Arnold, and Connor vowed to one another to _never_ lose contact again.

They began to re-connect after that, through phone calls and text messages. After a few weeks, a tiny beacon of hope began to grow in Kevin’s heart. He thought maybe, just maybe, he and Connor could rekindle the almost-relationship they once had while in Uganda. He started being a little more flirtatious over text and calling Connor for no reason, just to see how his day went—things like that.

Then one day, not long after the reunion, Connor announced to Kevin the “good news” that he had finally found _someone special_. His name was Jeffrey Pines and he worked in the financial district. He made good money and had a gorgeous apartment on the Upper West Side. Connor would excitedly tell Kevin all about the lavish dates they went on and how Jeff was constantly showering him with presents and flowers and yada yada yada. It crushed Kevin’s heart to hear about it, but he knew Connor deserved the world and if this Jeff guy was able to give him the world, then so be it.

After a few months of dating, things got serious and Connor moved in with him. A few months later, they got engaged to be married. Jeff was now Connor’s _fiancé_.

Kevin had always thought Jeff didn’t sound like Connor’s type at all, but as long as Connor was happy, Kevin tried his best to accept that. Deep down, though, Kevin still felt a lingering sense of regret at never having divulged his true feelings to Connor—never told him how much he cared for him or how much he liked him or how badly he wanted to run his fingers through his hair. Now that Connor was happy with someone else, engaged to marry someone else, Kevin supposed he never would have that chance. And he was trying to be okay with that.

A few months after Connor announced his engagement, Kevin finally drummed up enough courage to quit his crappy job at Walt Disney World, his lonely life in Orlando, and immediately phoned Connor to tell him he would be moving to New York. Connor was, of course, overjoyed.

If Kevin Price couldn’t have Connor McKinley as a boyfriend, then he would have him as a friend. A good friend. And that certainly sounded a whole lot better than not having Connor McKinley in his life at all.

 

* * *

 

Kevin was laying haphazardly atop his bed, daydreaming idly about his upcoming move to New York City, occasionally taking lazy sips from a half-full glass of red wine, when he heard his phone buzz. His mouth curled up into a grin when he saw it was a message from Connor. He loved when it was Connor.

 _Friends, we’re just friends. He has a fiancé._ He had to remind himself of that sometimes.

 

_**Connor [11:51 pm]:** 4 more days!! You all packed??_

 

Kevin glanced around the bedroom, piles of unpacked clothes strewn about everywhere, and smirked to himself.

 

_**Kevin [11:52 pm]:** Uhh…not quite :p_

_**Connor [11:53 pm]:** But you at least started, right?_

_**Connor [11:53 pm]:** RIGHT?_

_**Kevin [11:54 pm]:** Of course _

_**Connor [11:54 pm]:** Thank god_

_**Kevin [11:55 pm]:** JK, definitely didn’t_

_**Connor [11:55 pm]:** What? You leave in 4 days! Kevin!_

 

Kevin could just imagine Connor’s freckled face horrified by the fact that he was leaving in four days and hadn’t even started packing yet. It brought a big smile to his already happy face.

 

_**Kevin [11:56 pm]:** I’ve gotten lazier in my old age, Con _

_**Connor [11:57 pm]:** You used to be the best at chores, remember? Always got the most gold stars next to your name on the chore list._

_**Connor [11:57 pm]:** Now look at you_

_**Connor [11:57 pm]:** Degenerate ;p_

_**Kevin [11:58 pm]:** Oh my god, the chore list!_

_**Kevin [11:58 pm]:** :: puke::_

_**Connor [11:59 pm]:** -___-_

_**Kevin [11:59 pm]:** :D_

 

“Who are you talking to, babe? It’s after midnight.” Jeff asked in a slight accusatory tone as he got undressed and climbed into bed next to Connor, immediately planting small kisses on the side of the redhead’s neck.

Connor wrinkled his nose, much as he always did whenever Jeff got that close to him after a night of partying with his work buddies. He smelled like booze, aftershave and Axe. Connor hated the smell of Axe. It smelled like arrogance and adultery. To Connor, at least.

“Oh, it’s just Kevin. Can you believe he still hasn’t packed? Anyway, we’re just talking about his move, that’s all.” Connor replied, blushing involuntarily. He hoped his partner wouldn’t notice the blush. It could indicate he had some sort of feeling for Kevin.

The larger man wrapped an arm around Connor’s waist before slowly moving his hand down to the redhead’s privates, giving them a gentle squeeze. Connor twitched at the touch and playfully moved his fiancé’s hand off of him.

“Not now, hon. I’m almost done.” Connor rebuffed his partner’s advancements. Soon after though, he felt the hand creep back onto his privates, groping him again. The action made Connor feel dirty for some reason. He shouldn’t have felt dirty though, after all this person was his partner, his fiancé. But somehow, as of late, all it did was make Connor feel cheap.

“When’s he coming again?” Jeff asked, still fondling Connor, causing the redhead to squirm.

“Only four more days.” Connor replied. “I’m gonna try and get him a job at Julie’s with me.”

“At Julie’s?” Jeff let out a condescending laugh. “Okay.”

“What’s so funny about that?” Connor asked, his face falling slightly. “He doesn’t have a job lined up. It’s the least I could do.”

“Another failure serving mediocre coffee for bad tips. Sounds like your friend, all right.” 

“He’s not a _failure_ , Jeff. He’s just...figuring some stuff out, that’s all.” Connor defended. “Besides, he wants to be a writer. That’s his real goal.”

“Just like your goal was to be on Broadway?”

 _Was_. Connor hated that word. _Was._ And it stung in all the wrong places.

“Yeah, something like that.” Connor replied timidly, trying to shift his focus back to his conversation with Kevin.

“Well, why does he have to stay with us? Can’t he get his own place?” Jeff asked, his fingers still exploring the mound in between Connor’s legs. “It’s not my fault he’s broke.”

Connor’s eyes turned sad. “I told you already. He’s been one of my best friends for years. He’s important to me. We have to let him stay with us. It’ll only be for a little while, just until he gets a couple paychecks and gets back on his feet. It’ll be fine.”

“Well, he better not get any naughty ideas about my sweet…sweet Connor McKinley.” Jeff replied breathily as his arousal started to grow. “Because you’re _all_ mine.”

“I told you already. He’s not gay. He has a girlfriend in Florida.” Connor outright lied. He had to lie about it or else he’d never hear the end of it. Connor knew he’d have to explain it to Kevin somehow. He’d just have to deal with it later. Connor felt Jeff’s hand fondling him again, snapping him out of his reverie.

“Not now, hon. I said I’m talking to Kevin. You can wait like five more minutes.” He tried to sound coy and not annoyed, but in truth, he was growing more and more annoyed.

Connor let out a false laugh again when Jeff insisted on continuing to grope him despite his earlier rebuttals.

“Come on, I’m serious, let me finish this and then we can do whatever you want, okay?” Connor attempted to say without sounding confrontational. He managed to wrangle himself out of the larger man’s grasp.

Jeff suddenly grabbed the phone out of Connor’s hands and threw it roughly against the wall.

“Looks like you’re finished.” The larger man tried to murmur in a teasing voice, but it just made Connor feel sick to his stomach.

Jeff leaned in and cupped his face into his hands, bringing him in for a rough, deep kiss. Connor could taste the alcohol on his breath and knew he wasn’t in for a pleasant night of lovemaking. Jeff had a habit of getting a little rough during sex whenever he had too much to drink. Or even when he didn't, if Connor was being completely honest with himself.

He felt the man’s hands wander slowly down his midsection and skillfully undo his belt buckle with a loud snap. Connor whimpered softly in protest when Jeff dragged his pants and briefs down over his legs and threw them over the side of the bed, leaving Connor laying before him, naked and exposed, his flaccid penis suddenly cold.

“Mmmmm.” Jeff moaned, leaning down to place soft kisses onto Connor’s neck, gently sucking at the skin. Connor cringed. He hated when Jeff would just ignore his protests whenever he said he wasn’t in the mood for sex. It made him feel like property, like some kind of worthless sex object. It didn’t always used to be this way. Jeff’s insistence used to make Connor feel sexy and wanted. Now it just made him feel used.

“Do we have to? I’m not really in the mood right now.” He spoke up softly, face red and flushed, nudging Jeff’s face away from his neck.

“You would do that to me?” Jeff murmured innocently, gesturing to his fully erect penis. “Look how hard I am for you, baby. Don’t you want me?”

Connor felt tears form behind his eyes. He didn’t know why. He should _want_ to make love to his fiancé, shouldn’t he? After all, they were in love, he should want to please his partner. But, he didn’t. He didn’t quite know why he didn’t, all he knew was that he definitely didn’t.

“I—um—” He stammered awkwardly, trying to focus on hiding his emotions from his partner. “Of course I want you.”

“Mmmmm. That’s what I thought.” Jeff purred, stroking his own dick to get it hard. “Tell me how much you want it. I need to hear you say it.”

“I—I want it.” Connor replied in a quiet whisper.

He was an ex-Mormon. He hated this kind of dirty talk in bed. He didn’t understand why it turned Jeff on so much. He knew it wasn’t just Jeff, a lot of people were turned on by it. But it did nothing for Connor.

“How much do you want it?” He asked again more forcefully, still stroking his own member. “Come on baby, I need to hear how much you want it.”

“I want it.” Connor whispered quietly, trying with all of his might not to let any teardrops escape his eyes.

“You want this big dick in your ass, don’t you?” Jeff insisted, stroking his penis with more fervor now.

“Yes, yes, I want it.” Connor lied in a small voice, having a difficult time keeping the tears from falling.

“Roll over.” Jeff ordered, grabbing Connor’s wrists harder than necessary and turning him over onto his stomach.

“That hurts…” Connor whimpered. 

“Tell me how much you want it, slut.” The curse stung, his wrists being twisted harder to enunciate it.

“I want it.” Connor sobbed quietly into the pillow. “I want it, I want it...” He trailed off.

With that, Jeff let go of his wrists and reached over to grab some lube and put a bit over his member before quickly shoving it into Connor’s entrance without much warning.

“Ahhh!” Connor yelped in agony as he felt the familiar burn overtake his bottom and abdomen as his partner roughly pounded into him.

“Tell me how good it feels.” Jeff ordered with a gasp. “Tell me.”

Tears were rolling down Connor’s cheeks so fast, he couldn’t wipe them away quick enough. Good thing Jeff couldn’t see his face; he’d have a fit.

“It feels s—so good.” Connor managed to choke out, his heart feeling as though it were being ripped in half at the words.

After what felt like forever, Jeff finally finished inside of Connor before rolling over and passing out asleep. Connor laid there shaking for a few minutes, teardrops staining his cheeks. He eventually grabbed his pajama bottoms and threw them on before carefully picking the phone up off the floor, inspecting it for cracks, and getting back into bed next to his fiancé.

He turned his phone back on to find several missed messages from Kevin.

 

_**Kevin [12:03 am]:** So, what are you up to tonight? Anything fun? :D_

_**Kevin [12:11 am]:** Con? Did I stun you into silence? :p_

_**Kevin [12:31 am]:** I hope my packing procrastination didn’t give you a heart attack or something. That would make me so sad. :(_

 

Tears streamed down Connor’s face at the innocent messages from Kevin. Wiping his eyes, he responded, his hands trembling.

 

_**Connor [12:55 am]:** Lol, no. :) Sorry, I fell asleep for a bit. I’m pretty tired, I think I’m gonna just call it a night. Is that okay?_

_**Kevin [12:56 am]:** Of course. Sorry for keeping you up. I’m just really excited to see you in a few days. :D I miss your face, Connor McKinley!!!_

 

Connor’s lips curled up into a warm smile at Kevin’s message, his heart fluttering slightly as he read it. Then his smile began to fade. He wasn’t allowed to feel those things for Kevin anymore. He was with Jeff now. Jeff was successful and mostly kind, when he wanted to be, and stable and told Connor he loved him and wanted to marry him. Connor wasn’t allowed to have heart flutters for Kevin Price anymore. But nonetheless, he did.

 

_**Connor [12:56 am]:** I miss you too, Kevin. Talk to you tomorrow. Make sure you pack, okay? _

_**Kevin [12:56 am]:** I can’t make any promises, but I’ll try :p_

_**Connor [12:56 am]:** Goodnight, silly_

_**Kevin [12:57 am]:** Sweet dreams_

 


	2. Chapter 2

It was Saturday afternoon in early December in New York City. Snow was falling heavily outside as people bustled past the café window, bundled up in colorful winter hats and scarves. Connor watched them scurry past as he made a shot of espresso for what must have been the hundredth time that day. His mind started to wander as he absentmindedly began to clean the espresso machine, idly humming a show tune to himself. Kevin Price would be arriving in just _two days_. Connor couldn’t wait to see his old friend again. He had been practically counting down the hours until his arrival. The last time he'd seen Kevin Price was a little over a year ago at the reunion for the Elders of District Nine in Salt Lake City. They had kept in contact via text message and phone calls since then, but having his friend back in his life, living in the same city, was going to just be wonderful. Lost in a daydream, Connor didn’t even notice he had a customer waiting for him at his register. Looking up when he heard the man clear his throat, Connor immediately dropped the coffee scooper he was holding, causing it to fall to the floor with a loud crash.

The man on the other side of the counter looked exactly as he had a year before. Dazzling brown eyes, stylish brunette hair and the warmest smile that could melt even the coldest stone heart.

Overcome with joy, Connor let out a happy scream and raced around the counter to embrace Kevin in a big hug.

“Kevin! What— _what_? How?” Connor stammered as he crashed into Kevin, pulling him into an embrace, overcome with raw excitement and confusion. “You’re _two days early_!”

“I know, I wanted to surprise you.” Kevin grinned mischievously, pulling back slightly from the hug to look into Connor’s eyes. “Did it work?”

“Obviously!” Connor squealed, pulling Kevin back into him, unable to contain the giant grin threatening to completely overtake his face.

“Good. I know you’re working now, so if you want I can come back—“, Kevin started apologetically before getting cut off by Connor’s enthusiasm.

“Guys, I’m taking my fifteen!” He called out to his co-workers, who had been standing behind the counter, quietly giggling at the happy reunion taking place before them.

“Go ahead, see your friend. I got it.” Kendra replied, still laughing at Connor’s blatant excitement. “Take twenty even.” She added with a wink.

“You’re the best!” Connor called back to Kendra, taking Kevin’s hand into his and leading him towards a table in the back.

“I didn’t even get to order my coffee!” Kevin teased as he followed Connor. “I was looking forward to trying your famous triple iced espresso with chocolate drizzle.”

“Oh! Of course. Sit down right here, I’ll go make one for you. Sorry!” Connor apologized before turning around, only to be stopped by a gentle tug from Kevin.

Kevin laughed. “I’m just kidding, silly. Come here.” He brought Connor down to sit beside him. “I’ll have plenty of time to try all your coffees later.”

Connor felt the slight sting of tears forming behind his eyes. “I can’t believe you’re here. You’re really _here_.” He beamed. “I really missed you, ya know.” He blushed and playfully punched Kevin in the arm. “Like, a lot-a lot.”

Kevin grinned and cupped his hand over Connor’s, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I missed you too…like, a lot-a lot.” He looked down at their hands and gave a shy shrug. “Thanks for letting me stay with you guys. I promise I won’t be a pain in the ass or anything and as _soon_ as I have enough money saved up, I’ll get my own place. It’ll only be a few weeks, max, I swear.”

Connor waved him off. “Stop it, Kevin, you’re welcome to stay with us as long as you need. I’m just glad you’re here, that’s all.”

“Now all we need to do is convince Arnold and Pop-Tarts to move here and the whole gang will be back together.” Kevin chuckled.

Connor and Kevin sat together like that for a while, talking excitedly and laughing every now and then, losing track of time and going way over the twenty minutes Kendra allotted, the redhead going on about all the fun tourist-y sights he wanted to show Kevin.

“Oh and we’ll _have_ to go see a Broadway show, obviously. There’s two new shows in previews right now!” Connor exclaimed excitedly.

“That sounds great! But, um…to be honest, Con, I’m pretty broke right now. Not sure how much sightseeing I’ll really be able to do.” Kevin replied with a self-deprecating chuckle, hoping he didn’t just crush all of Connor’s tour guide dreams. “I mean, I do have some money saved up, but that’s all gonna go towards a deposit on an apartment.”

“Don’t worry about that. Jeff will buy us some show tickets.” Connor offered. “After all, you’re our guest.”

“Wow, um, that would be…amazing.” Kevin replied, a little surprised by the gesture. “But you really don’t have to.”

“I insist.” Connor beamed.

“I can’t wait to meet your, um…Jeff. He sounds like quite a guy.”

_A rich guy. A rich guy who can afford to take Connor to every Broadway show there ever was and even throw in a nice dinner before too. And drinks. And flowers. And..._

“Oh, um, yeah. Yeah, he is.” The redhead replied in a soft voice, not quite sure why Kevin’s comment made him feel uncomfortable. After a few more minutes of laughter and chit-chat, Connor remembered what he’d been wanting to tell Kevin all day. How could he forget?

“Oh! And I already talked to Julie about it yesterday and you’re welcome to come work with me here at the coffeehouse! I told her all about you and your experience working at Disney and well, the job’s all yours if you want it!” Connor announced with a happy grin.

Kevin gasped in shock, moving his hands up to cover his mouth. “You _what_? You got me a _job_? With you? Connor, that’s amazing!” Kevin exclaimed happily, not quite sure how to contain his jubilation. “When were you gonna tell me, silly?” He teased, playfully smacking Connor in the arm.

The redhead’s smile began to fade. “You’re right, I can’t believe I forgot to tell you about the _job_.”

“Connor, I was just kidding.” Kevin laughed. “Relax.”

Connor shook his head in disgust. “No, really, what’s the matter with me? I rambled on and on like an idiot about shopping and shows and total nonsense and forgot to tell you the really important news about the job. I’m so _stupid_.”

Kevin’s face fell instantly. _Stupid? Connor was anything but stupid._

“You are _not_ stupid! You were just excited to see me and you forgot, that’s all. I did kind of spring myself on you today.” Kevin assured, giving Connor’s hand another gentle squeeze. “I was only joking with you.”

Connor nodded and forced a smile. The two boys were quiet for a moment.

“So when do I start?” Kevin changed the subject with a jovial lilt.

Connor giggled and cupped his hands over Kevin’s. “Let’s go talk to Julie. Probably tomorrow.”

 

* * *

 

Later that day, Kevin was given his work schedule and apron and was told he’d be able to start training the very next day. He couldn’t believe Connor had gotten him a job—on his very first day in New York City, no less. Connor McKinley sure was amazing, Kevin thought to himself as he and Connor walked out of the café around seven o’clock that evening, giggling like two young schoolchildren. Everything about Connor was simply amazing and sweet and kind and generous and—

_He’s taken, Kevin. He’s happy and engaged. Just…turn it off or something._ Kevin tried to tell himself as they walked out of the café and out into the West Village, laughing and talking, peering into little shops. A deep blanket of snow had covered the street and the cars. It was so peaceful, despite being the busiest city in the world, with the snow falling down heavily atop them as they walked. The blue winter hat Connor was wearing had a little pom-pom on top that bounced to and fro whenever he leaned into Kevin’s side or laughed really hard, making Kevin’s mouth curl up into a smile. Kevin was pulling his large suitcase behind him since he had come straight to the café from the airport. Dragging it through the snow and dirt was quite difficult, but Kevin didn’t care. He was with Connor and everything felt wonderful.

“This is our building.” Connor pointed to a giant luxury complex as they finally walked out of the subway staircase and out onto the street.

“It’s really… _big_.” Kevin stammered.

Connor shrugged. “Well it’s really Jeff’s apartment. I just moved in a few months ago.”

Kevin nodded in understanding as they strolled over to the door. “What does he do again?”

“Oh, he’s some kind of stock broker.” Connor shrugged. “To be honest, I don’t really know what he does. But he can afford to pay six-thousand dollars a month in rent.”

Kevin stopped in his tracks and gawked at Connor. “Did you just say _six thousand_?”

Connor nodded with a giggle. “I know, isn’t it crazy? That’s more than I make in three months. I make such pennies compared to him. He doesn’t even make me pay rent. Six thousand is like nothing to him.”

Kevin shook his head in awe as they walked through the building’s fancy lobby, passing by the sleepy doorman and getting into the marble elevator. Everything about Jeff was making Kevin feel like such an inadequate loser, an utter failure at life.

_At least Connor’s happy. That’s all that matters._

When they got to the apartment door, Connor hesitated for a moment as he was getting ready to unlock the door. Turning around to face Kevin, he bit his lip shyly and looked into his friend’s eyes for a moment or two.

“Um, Kev, could I ask you to do me a small favor? Regarding Jeff and I. Since you’ll be staying with us and all.” Connor asked timidly, anxiously fidgeting with his hands.

“Of course, Con. Anything.” Kevin assured. “You name it.”

Connor nervously cleared his throat. He hoped Kevin wouldn’t read too much into this. “Would you mind, um, not mentioning to Jeff that you’re, uh…that you’re gay? At least, not while you’re staying with us.”

Kevin arched a quizzical eyebrow up at the strange request. “Ummm...okay?”

“And, uh, maybe you could even tell him that, um…that you’re straight and have, uh, have a _girlfriend_ back in Florida or something?” Connor asked innocently, trying to make the request seem normal. “Could you do that for me?”

“I—I guess I could, yeah.” He agreed reluctantly as he felt concern and worry begin to flood his senses.

Connor felt relief wash over him. “Thanks.”

He went to unlock the door, but Kevin gently stopped him.

“Can I ask why?” The taller man asked softly, a concerned look growing on his face. “It seems a little strange to me.”

“Well, um.” Connor blushed. “He just gets a little jealous, that’s all. And I don’t want him to think there’s anything going on between us, you know?”

Something  _going on_? Connor McKinley was a saint—the most trustworthy person he’d ever met in his whole life. The man wouldn’t hurt a fly. And this idiot actually thought Connor would _cheat_ on him? How jealous _was_ this guy?

“Doesn’t that seem a little extreme to you? I mean, you must have gay friends that you hang out with, right?” Kevin asked, his concern growing stronger by the moment. “He can’t possibly think you’re secretly lusting after all of them. You should be able to have a gay friend come over without him thinking you’re cheating on him.”

“No, of course I can. It's just…you’ll be staying with us for a while and he has this big business trip planned where he’ll be gone for a couple weeks and I just…I don’t want him getting the wrong idea, that’s all.” Connor tried to rationalize.

“It sounds like he doesn’t trust you.” Kevin stated bluntly. “But I know you and I know you’d never cheat on anyone, so what gives?”

Connor shrugged and tried to deflect Kevin’s gaze. “Nothing, just forget it.”

The redhead was silent for a few moments, staring at the ground. His eyes looked glassy all of a sudden and Kevin noticed a tear leaking out of one of his eyes. Kevin leaned in and cupped his friend’s cheek in his hand, wiping away the tear and raising Connor’s chin up so he would look into Kevin’s eyes.

“Hey, there.” Kevin cooed gently. “What’s going on here?” He asked in a soft voice, rubbing small circles into Connor’s cheek with his thumb. “Con?”

“Nothing’s going on, Kevin.” Connor wiped at his eyes, Kevin lowering his hand. “You really don’t have to do this. Forget I even said anything.”

“ _Of course_ I’ll do it, Connor. I’d do anything for you.” Kevin whispered softly. “I’m just concerned that you feel it’s _necessary_ , that’s all. It sounds like you’re afraid of him or something.”

“No, of course I’m not. That’d be crazy, Kevin. Maybe I’m just being paranoid. Okay?” Connor tried to reverse the blame onto himself. “Just let it go, please—“

“But—“

Suddenly, the door flew open and a handsome, rather brawny man was standing in the doorway in just his undershorts and a tank top.

“What’s going on out here?” The man Kevin assumed to be Jeff asked. “Who’s this?” He pointed to Kevin.

“That’s my—“

“Oh wait, Kevin, right?” Jeff asked, squinting his eyes, trying to remember the name.

Kevin smiled and reached out his hand for a shake. “That would be me. Nice to meet you.”

“Come on in, Kevin.” Jeff greeted him warmly. “You like pizza?”

The three men shared copious amounts of Italian food from the pizza place down the street and killed two bottles of red wine between the three of them. It was a nice dinner and they made mundane, but pleasant, conversation. Kevin told Jeff all about his Mormon upbringing and his fake girlfriend in Orlando, much to Connor’s obvious relief. Kevin tried his hardest to look for any hint of discord between the couple. They looked somewhat happy, but the fear he saw on Connor’s face earlier had disturbed him and gave him a bad feeling down in his belly. Something just didn’t seem right, but he was unable to find any evidence that something was amiss.

Until dessert. 

Kevin was waiting in the dining room for dessert to come out, drinking his wine and idly checking email on his phone, when he heard a loud crash coming from the kitchen. He jumped up and ran into the kitchen, his eyes immediately landing on Connor. He was kneeling down on the floor, trembling uncontrollably and trying to pick up pieces of what looked to be broken glass and large chunks of cake. Jeff was standing next to him, staring down at him and shaking his head in annoyance.

“What happened? Are you okay?” Kevin asked as he knelt down to comfort a very distraught Connor. The latter man was furiously trying to wipe his streams of tears away, but Kevin could see plain as day that he was crying. Kevin’s breath caught in his throat at the sight, his stomach turning inward on itself. It ached. Kevin ached. All he wanted was to wrap Connor up into his arms and hug all the bad away. But he couldn’t. Of course he couldn’t. Not with Jeff standing right there.

“What happened?” He asked again, to Connor, placing a gentle hand on his back.

“What does it look like?” Jeff spat. “Connor dropped the cake.” He felt Connor’s body flinch under his hand. “It’s the second time this week he’s dropped the dessert on the floor.”

The tone of the man’s voice didn’t sit at all well with Kevin. It sounded accusatory and condescending.

“I’m sure it was just an accident.” Kevin offered in a positive tone, reaching over to help Connor pick up the shards of glass and globs of icing. “It’s just a cake, right?”

“No, this happens all the time. He's a klutz."

Connor gasped for breath. “I’m fine, Kevin. You really don’t have to help me.”

“Shhhh, I want to.” Kevin said. “Where’s the garbage?”

“If you help him, he’ll never learn.” Jeff said, directing his condescending remark towards Kevin.

Kevin looked up at the man, raising an eyebrow. “I really don’t mind.”

“Whatever. I’m going to bed. Have fun cleaning up this mess.” Jeff spouted, giving the fallen cake lid a hard kick on his way out.

Connor refused to meet Kevin’s eyes for a long time as they continued to clean up the mess. Several minutes passed by in silence until, finally, Kevin couldn’t take it anymore.

“Does he always talk to you like that?” He asked, attempting to tread delicately.

Connor shook his head. “No, of course not. This time it was my fault, I shouldn’t have dropped the cake.”

“You _do_ understand how crazy that sounds, right?” Kevin asked, his voice pained. “You can’t honestly believe you deserve to be treated like that.” He paused for a moment and leaned in closer to Connor. “Do you?”

“Kevin, you’ve known him for less than three hours. You don’t know him like I do. You need to just stop talking about this. Please.” Connor pleaded, a rogue tear slipping out of one eye. He cleared his throat, trying to change the topic. “After we’re done here, I’ll make up the couch bed for you, okay? I got new blankets and pillows for you.”

Kevin’s face fell, but he nodded nonetheless. “Yeah, that’d be great. Thanks, Con.” Kevin helped Connor up off the floor and the two boys cleaned up and made Kevin’s couch bed.

Kevin had finally laid down on the couch and was gazing at Connor, who was busily fixing up the room and had brought him a glass of water and the tv remote. Kevin’s heart ached. He didn’t know if it was because of his growing suspicion that Connor wasn’t being treated right by his boyfriend or because his feelings for Connor were just getting harder to turn off. Either way, he knew he didn’t want Connor to leave him just yet.

“Wanna watch tv with me for a little while? I’m not used to going to bed this early.” Kevin asked Connor softly, sitting up in his makeshift bed and patting the seat next to him.

Connor paled and looked toward the bedroom where he knew Jeff was waiting for him. “I can’t, Kev. Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow night we can all watch tv together.”

“We haven’t seen each other in a _year_ , Con. He sees you every day. Just one show, I promise. Then you can go to bed. Please?” Kevin pleaded, his boyish smile in full form.

“I can’t. Let’s do it tomorrow, okay?” Connor offered. “You must be exhausted after today anyway.”

Kevin was really tired and Connor looked awful. He was clearly frazzled from the cake incident and needed sleep.

“Okay, tomorrow.” Kevin agreed with a small smile. Connor moved to walk away, but Kevin gently stopped him.

“Thank you, by the way. For everything. For the new job, for letting me stay here, everything. I wouldn’t have been able to do any of this without your help.” Kevin said sincerely with a tired half-smile. “I just thought you should know that. You're really incredible, Connor McKinley.”

Kevin could see the beginnings of a small smile peeking out of Connor’s mouth.

“Don’t worry about it. And I’m, um—“, Connor sniffled and moved a little closer to Kevin. “I’m really sorry about all this. The fighting and the mess and the stupid girlfriend thing. It won’t happen again, I promise. He’s just been really stressed about work and he has a big business trip coming up soon and things have just been crazy. I swear this is not the norm. I really am happy and everything’s fine. Okay?”

Connor put on the most convincing look and for a moment, Kevin almost— _almost—_ believed it. But he could see there was a lingering sadness behind those eyes. And Kevin Price never wanted Connor McKinley to be sad. Kevin would have to get to the bottom of this, but he knew he’d need to tread lightly or he could end up losing Connor forever.

“Okay. Goodnight, Con. Sweet dreams.”

“Sweet dreams.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Kevin woke up to the wonderful smell of bacon and eggs filling the air. Opening his eyes and rubbing the sleep out of them, he glanced down at his watch and saw it was barely six o’clock in the morning. Both he and Connor were scheduled to be at the coffeehouse in a couple of hours over in the West Village, which was at least twenty minutes away by subway. Groaning loudly at the ungodly morning hour, he figured he might as well just get up now. He definitely did not want to be late his first day on the job.

Yawning loudly, he threw on his robe and orange Nemo slippers (hey, he got them at a steep discount) and wandered groggily over to the kitchen to see what smelled so heavenly. Could Connor have gotten up early to make him breakfast before his first day of work? That sure sounded like something Connor might do, Kevin thought with a small smile.

Kevin’s stomach did a somersault when he entered the kitchen and saw Jeff preparing heaping plates of scrambled eggs, pancakes, and bacon. It seemed like an odd thing to do, after what had happened the night before between him and Connor. But Kevin didn’t really know what the morning routine was for the couple. Maybe Jeff always got up at the crack of dawn to cook a giant breakfast. Good God, what if he was a _morning_ person?

_Barf._

“Whatcha makin’?” Kevin tried to ask casually in his best perky Mormon voice as he awkwardly sat down at the table. “Smells delicious.”

Jeff whipped around to face Kevin, his surprised face widening into a grin. “Everything! I hope you’re hungry because I am cooking a _feast_.” He exclaimed as he began to set the large plates of food out on the table.

“Want me to get Connor?” Kevin asked, hopping out of his seat, not really caring to spend any time alone with Jeff.

“No, sit, eat. You’re our guest. I’ll go wake him up.” Jeff insisted before leaving to fetch Connor.

Kevin’s eyes lit up when he saw there was a full pot of coffee made. _At least the guy can do that right._

As he poured himself a steaming hot cup of black coffee, he noticed there was a box of candy with a note attached to it sitting on the counter near the coffee pot. Jeff must have gotten up early and picked it up from one of those twenty-four hour bodegas Connor was always going on about. A strange, uneasy sensation welled up in Kevin’s belly again, just as it had the night before when Connor asked him to lie about his sexuality in front of Jeff. And again when he walked into the kitchen after dinner and saw Connor kneeling on the floor, crying, surrounded by broken glass.

It was a sinking feeling, as though someone had just relayed some very bad news.

Sure, it was sweet of Jeff to make a nice, big breakfast for all of them and to get Connor a box of candy. But it all just felt so _false_ to Kevin. He had watched the night before as Jeff taunted his friend about dropping the cake, kicking the lid at him before storming out in anger. Kevin supposed it could have been a one-time incident. It was entirely possible. But in his heart of hearts, he severely doubted it. He felt something, deep down in his gut, that told him that was a common occurrence. That _this_ was a common occurrence.

It just didn’t seem right. None of it seemed right at all.

He turned around when he heard the sound of Connor giggling in delight behind him. Jeff was holding Connor’s eyes closed with his hands, leading him into the kitchen.

“Okay, open!” Jeff exclaimed. After Connor opened his eyes, he clasped his hands to his face, shocked by the display of delicious food and gift on the counter.

“Oh my goodness! You didn’t have to do this!” Connor gushed, gazing around the kitchen at the giant breakfast before turning back around to face Jeff. “I already said everything was okay. You really didn’t have to—”

“I thought you might still be mad at me.” Jeff cooed, bringing Connor’s chin up and giving him a kiss.

Connor pulled back from the kiss and shook his head, reaching up to gently rub his partner’s arm. “No, of course I’m not.”

_Barf._

Jeff, Kevin, and Connor talked idly for bit, before Jeff had to leave to go into the office early. On his way out of the kitchen, he laid a playful smack on Connor’s bottom. “Don’t eat too much though. It looks like you’ve been putting on weight again.”

The brightness of Connor’s eyes instantly dimmed, his face reddening at the unexpected negative comment. “It does? But I’ve been sticking to my diet! You know I have.”

“Really? It doesn’t look like it.” Jeff reached down and pinched some of the fat on Connor’s bottom, jiggling it a little harder than necessary to make his point. “See?”

Connor nodded solemnly, a heartbroken look on his face. “Yeah, I see.” _Don’t cry, don’t cry._

Jeff kissed Connor goodbye and headed out, leaving Kevin and Connor alone to eat breakfast together—and clean up.

The weight comment absolutely enraged Kevin. He just hoped Jeff couldn’t tell how angry he was by looking at his face.

Connor wasn’t stick thin by any means, but nor should he have been. Jeff was tall, bronzed, muscled, and, yes, his arms were ripped to shreds. He clearly spent a lot of time working out at the gym. And Connor took care of his body too, just not to those extremes. The redhead wasn’t overly muscular and, sure, he did have a bit of a curvy physique. But Kevin loved the way Connor’s body looked—soft, freckled, with porcelain skin, wavy red hair, and pretty blue eyes. His body type leaned slightly feminine in a way that Kevin had always found attractive—the way his hips jutted out just a little bit and his bottom was round and soft. At least, it _looked_ nice and soft. But he certainly wasn’t fat or overweight by any means. He was just very… _soft_. Not that Kevin had ever touched Connor’s body in _that_ way before, but he’d hugged him many times over the years and, to Kevin, the redhead had always just felt very… _soft_.

Kevin liked soft.

He knew all too well that he couldn’t say anything to Jeff about the comment though. If he could’ve, he would’ve given him a piece of his mind. But, Kevin was merely a guest in the man’s home. A poor, broke guest with barely a dime to his name. Connor and his fiancé were literally feeding him and giving him a roof over his head until he got back on his feet. And Connor would be the first one to say it was none of Kevin’s business.

But it _was_ his business. It was very much his business. At least, it sure felt that way to Kevin. Connor was his friend, one of his _best_ friends, and he cared about him a great deal. It pained Kevin to have to just sit there and watch as Connor blindly accepted that kind of hurtful comment from the person who was supposed to _love_ him. Why was Connor even putting up with this nonsense? Did something terrible happen to him that caused him to just completely lose all his self-esteem? Kevin ached for answers.

“You excited for your first day at work?” Connor asked with a forced smile, trying to make small talk to cut through the uncomfortable silence that had befallen the pair.

Kevin wasn’t fooled by his friend’s false cheerfulness. Connor was obviously still hurting from Jeff’s weight comment. Despite all the delicious food spread out in front of them, the redhead had barely eaten a thing, preferring instead to just sip on coffee and move the food around on his plate.

“You’re not fat, you know.” Kevin insisted softly, ignoring Connor’s question. “Not even a little bit.”

Connor just shook his head in response, gazing sadly at his mostly uneaten breakfast. “Please don’t patronize me, Kevin.”

“I’m not patronizing you. I mean it. I think you look great. I wouldn’t change a thing.” Kevin’s lips curled into a small smile as he playfully patted Connor’s arm. “Come on, just have one piece of bacon. One piece isn’t gonna hurt.”

Kevin picked up a piece and waved it in front of his mouth with a smile. He just wanted Connor to cheer up and eat something.

Connor let out a frustrated sigh, despite Kevin’s attempt to cheer him up, and instead just waved him off. “Stop it, Kevin. I _know_ I need to lose weight. I’ve been trying for months now, nothing ever seems to work. I just need to be better, that’s all. Jeff is always working out. He doesn’t make any excuses. Not like I do."

“You don’t need to lose weight, Connor. His comment was _mean_. Can’t you see that?” Kevin tried to explain in an assertive tone. “ _Mean_. He was being _mean_ to you.”

“It’s not mean if it’s true.” Connor corrected him tersely.

“Yes, it is. Even if it was true, which it’s _not_ , that doesn’t change the fact that it was _mean_.” Kevin argued, frustration evident in his tone. “How can you not see that?”

“Because he’s right!” Connor gasped, exasperation filling his lungs. “I mean, just _look_ at me.” He looked down at his body and tugged harshly at the soft skin of his stomach to demonstrate to Kevin. “Look at this! I’m just…I’m just so fat and gross and—and disgusting!”

“ _Disgusting_? Do you _hear_ yourself right now?” Kevin exclaimed loudly in an almost-yell, completely losing what was left of his self-control. “You are _not_ disgusting, Connor! Even if you were five-hundred pounds and—I don’t know, eating ice cream and tacos every day for breakfast, you wouldn’t be disgusting! I hate that you’re saying this right now! I hate everything about it! It makes me sick!”

“Stop yelling at me! I’m sorry!” Connor cried out, tears suddenly bursting out from his eyes, his trembling hands moving up to cover his ears. “Don’t yell at me! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” He sobbed.

“No, oh no.” Kevin lamented sadly, instantly regretting his harsh tone at the sight of Connor’s distraught state. He had gotten too emphatic, trying desperately to make his point, and must have struck a nerve somewhere inside of Connor.

“Shhhh, it’s okay. It’s okay.” Kevin lowered his voice to a soft whisper and wrapped an arm around Connor’s shoulder, pulling him in close. “You don’t need to be sorry. Shhh. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s okay. It’s all okay.”

“I’m sorry!” Connor sobbed into Kevin’s arm. “I’m sorry…”

“No, no…don’t be sorry. Don’t be sorry. I just don’t understand why you think it’s okay for him to say those things to you. You’re…you’re so wonderful and sweet and smart and you deserve to love yourself and be proud of who you are.”

Kevin’s voice was soothing now, gentle and comforting to Connor’s ears, but he didn’t agree with a word of it. Sniffling quietly, tears spilling out of his eyes, he protested. “I’m not any of those things, Kevin.”

Kevin felt his heart drop to his stomach. “Well, I think you are. In fact, I think you’re perfect just the way you are.” He assured in a small voice.

Connor’s glassy eyes widened in surprise at the comment as they locked with Kevin’s.

“Err…um.” Kevin stammered, realizing how his comment must have sounded. “I just meant that I don’t think you need to lose any weight, that’s all.”

Connor was quiet for a few moments, still trying to calm himself down from crying. They sat there together for a few minutes, Kevin holding Connor close, trying to soothe his friend’s nerves.

After his sobbing turned to quiet sniffles, Connor removed himself from Kevin’s arms and moved to stand up. “I’ll clean all this up. Why don’t you go get ready for work? You have a big day today.”

“Come on, Con, we have all this delicious food here. You should at least eat _something_.” Kevin pleaded, pulling Connor back down. “Here, what if I—.”

Kevin then took Connor’s fork and spent a minute rearranging his plate of eggs, pancakes, and bacon into what sort of resembled a smiley face. Kevin grinned at Connor, gesturing to the smiley face. “Your food is literally smiling up at you. Come on, now you _have_ to eat it.”

Connor let out a soft giggle at Kevin’s silliness, tears still rolling down his face. “It’s okay, Kevin. I’m okay, I’m really not that hungry anymore.”

“Ugh, do I have to make the choo choo train noise?” Kevin asked with pretend annoyance, picking up the smiley’s left eye, which was just a small piece of pancake, and placing the fork in front of Connor’s mouth. “Come on, please don’t force me to make the choo choo train noise. It doesn’t have to come to that.”

Connor shook his head fervently, still refusing to eat, but a grin was starting to form on his face. “Kevin, stop! This is ridiculous.”

“You’re gonna make me do it, aren’t you?” Kevin mock sighed and shook his head. “Okay, then.”

“What are you—?”

“Choo choo!” Kevin suddenly cried out with a giggle and bobbed the pancake up and down in front of Connor’s mouth. “Choo choo!”

He then switched to a higher-pitched voice, attempting to mimic what a baby choo choo train might sound like. “Oh no! I am but a lone choo choo train and need somewhere to park my caboose, but there’s nowhere else to go except your mouth! Whatever will I do? Won’t you help me, Connor? Please?”

“No!” Connor shouted through laughs, his freckled face turning as red as the hair on his head. “Oh my god, you’re crazy!”

Kevin tried to control his laughter long enough to continue. “That makes me sooo sad.” His voice ridiculously cartoony. “You are hurting my little choo choo train feelings. Please won’t you help me, Connor? Please?”

“Little choo choo train feelings?” Connor mocked through laughter. “You’re insane.”

“Please eat me! If you won’t do it for me, then do it for Kevin. Not eating your breakfast is making Kevin really sad.” He pleaded in the high pitched choo choo train voice, Connor’s resolve softening at the comment. “You don’t want Kevin to be sad, right?”

“Fine!” Connor finally broke and opened his mouth to eat the bite of pancake, an uncontrollable giggle bursting out of his mouth through chews.

And Kevin thought it was the sweetest, most perfect sound he’d ever heard.

 

* * *

 

Kevin Price was smart and a quick learner, so after just a few hours at the coffeehouse, he was already getting the hang of things. All of their co-workers absolutely adored the attractive brunette with the winning smile and aw-shucks personality. Over the course of the day, several of their female co-workers asked Connor if Kevin was single, only to disappoint them all by telling them that Kevin was attracted to men. It made Connor chuckle a little bit though. It didn’t seem to matter where Kevin Price went, he always made an impression, that was for sure.

“So did you choose yet?” Connor prodded as he slipped into the seat next to Kevin where they were about to take their break together, setting down a triple shot espresso with chocolate drizzle, Connor’s famous specialty drink, in front of each of them.

“Con, I have _no_ idea. There’s too many choices. And you already told me no Disney, so now I’m just really lost.” Kevin lamented, flipping through the list of current Broadway shows on his iPhone. “You should really pick, you’re the expert.” He offered, handing him the phone.

“Hmmmm. Well, you’re a first timer so we’ll want something a little mainstream…” Connor mused aloud to himself. “Let me see…”

“Hey, I can be cultured!” Kevin teased with a smirk. “Disney World has a lot of cool shows at Epcot, you know.”

Connor rolled his eyes in jest as he sipped his espresso. “Alright, how about _Wicked_? That was in your top three, right?”

“Yeah, right below Aladdin. Which I still think we need to _definitely_ go see after I’ve been sufficiently cultured.” He laughed, taking a sip of his drink.

“I’ll be the judge of that.” Connor teased, browsing the list.

They were quiet for a few moments, beaming happily every so often at one another and lazily sipping their espressos.

Kevin shrugged as he took another sip. “To be honest, I always thought my first time at a Broadway show would be to see you in it.” He smiled warmly at Connor, playfully patting him on the arm.

Kevin watched as Connor’s face fell a bit, realizing how negative his comment must have sounded.

“Oh, no, no…I’m not saying you won’t make it on Broadway. You’re fantastic at what you do, Connor. I know you’re gonna make it into a Broadway show one day. I just know it. I guess I just got here a little bit earlier than I thought I would, that’s all.” He tried to correct himself, but was met with silence from Connor. “Er…that didn’t come out right at all. What I meant was—“

“I know what you meant.” Connor cut him off gently. “But actually, I’m, um—I’m not really doing the whole auditioning thing anymore.” Connor said matter-of-factly, his eyes leaving Kevin’s gaze and directing them towards his lap.

Kevin felt as though his heart had stopped beating. _What?_

He had not been lying when he told Connor he thought he was great at what he did—acting, singing, dancing—especially dancing. Kevin had really meant what he said. Before they lost touch years ago, Connor would tell Kevin all about the various auditions he’d go on and the shows he’d be cast in. He hadn’t quite made it to _Broadway_ yet or anything, but he’d been regularly doing some off-off-Broadway work and some regional theatre. He knew Connor had only taken the job at the coffeehouse to make ends meet while he pursued his real dream. Plus, the hours were flexible enough and they were okay with adjusting his schedule from time to time so he could go on auditions.

“Wait, _what_? You’re not—I mean, wait, you’ve stopped _auditioning_? Why? Since when?” Kevin demanded, utterly confused as to why Connor hadn’t mentioned this very important news to him earlier. Connor had been laser-focused on his acting and singing career for years now. _Years_. Now all of a sudden he’d just given it up? None of it made any sense.

“Ever since I realized it was all just a stupid, childish pipe dream that could never really come true.” Connor’s voice sounded pained. He didn’t want to talk about how much of a failure he turned out to be. Or about how giving up on his dream was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do in his life.

Kevin was stunned. Connor squirmed in his seat, wanting desperately to end the conversation. “We should really be getting back—“, Connor started, getting up from his seat.

“No, Connor.” Kevin shook his head, pulling Connor back down. “I want to know why you suddenly decided to give up the only dream you’ve ever had. The whole reason you even moved here in the first place, the reason you work at this coffeehouse. What _happened_?” Kevin demanded, his voice full of concern and confusion.

“Nothing _happened_ , Kevin.” Connor lied. “We need to go—“

“Something must have happened! You don’t just wake up one morning and suddenly decide to give up your lifelong dream.” Kevin argued.

“Well, that’s exactly what happened!” Connor’s voice now seemed tense and he still refused to look into Kevin’s eyes. “Only a small percentage of people who come to New York City to make it on Broadway actually end up making it. Busting my ass over and over again…being broke all the time…running around to auditions constantly…doing all that, just to get rejected time and time again…wasn’t the best way to spend my life. I’m better off just working here and being at peace with what I have. Now we really need to get back—”

“Who told you that?” Kevin asked, concern welling up in his throat. “You sound like you’re reciting a bunch of crap from some self-help book or something.”

Connor bit his lip. He didn’t want to tell Kevin the truth. He truly didn’t. And yet some small, buried, lonely part of himself yearned to be honest with Kevin even though he knew he’d soon regret it.

“Well, um, after I met Jeff and things started getting serious, he said we needed to reevaluate our priorities. And he thought it just didn’t make sense for me to keep running all over the place on these auditions when I could be at home spending time with him and getting a steady paycheck.” Connor explained. “It’s a lot of work, auditioning and working nights to do shows and it’s all just very time-consuming.” Connor breathed in a shaky breath. “Besides, if I was any good at it, I would’ve made it by now, right? I’m obviously not, so I didn’t.”

“First of all, you’re amazing at what you do. Second of all, you quit acting for _him_? Are you kidding me?” Kevin gasped, rage welling inside of him. “Did he even give you a _choice_?”

“Of _course_ he did, Kevin.” Connor argued loudly, but not convincingly enough for Kevin. “Now we have to get—“

“Was the choice ‘quit acting or I’ll break up with you’? Because that’s not a choice, Connor, it’s coercion.” Kevin argued tersely. “Did he _actually_ give you choice?”

“Kevin, please let it go.” Connor pleaded, his voice dripping with desperation. _Why did he have to keep doing this?_

“Look, I know it’s none of my business, okay? You can do whatever you want. It’s your life. And if I really, truly believed that you _wanted_ to quit, then I’d shrug it off and say ‘okay, cool’”.

Kevin reached over to take Connor’s hand into his, lowering his voice so it was softer now. “But, I know you Connor. This dream that you have—it’s all you’ve ever wanted. You…you built your entire life around it. Can you honestly sit there and tell me that in your heart, in your soul, that you _wanted_ to just give it up without a fight? That _you_ were the one who wanted to stop trying?”

Kevin watched as tears welled up in Connor’s eyes for the second time that day.

_Shit._

“Oh, no, Connor. I’m sorry.” Kevin gently wiped Connor’s eye with his thumb. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—I wasn’t trying to upset you. I feel like I keep doing that to you. I’m only trying to help and I keep making you cry.”

Connor shook his head, sniffling. “No, it’s okay. I shouldn’t cry so easily.”

“You know I just care about you, right?” Kevin asked, his voice strained and thick with worry. “That’s the only reason I’m saying these things. It’s because I care about you, Connor."

“I know.” Connor nodded with a forced smile, sniffling. “I care about you, too. But you need to stop saying these things, okay? You don’t know what you’re talking about. I—I’m finally h—happy. I’m happy. Can’t you see that?”

“Are you?” Kevin gasped. “Are you really happy? Because it sure doesn’t seem like it.”

Connor shook his head, tears running down his face. “You don’t understand, Kevin. You’ll never understand. Someone like you could _never_ understand.”

“ _Someone like me_? What does that even mean?” Kevin thought to himself, before realizing it was also coming out of his mouth.

Connor gasped through tears, his voice awfully tense. “Please just stop. I’m begging you, Kevin, please just stop talking about this. Stop talking about this. Stop…just stop.”

Kevin slowly nodded, his face etched with worry at Connor’s state. He hadn’t been getting through to Connor at all. Not about the jealousy thing or the weight thing or the cake thing or the Broadway thing. None of it was getting across to Connor the way it was supposed to. Kevin would need to find another way.

Swallowing hard, Kevin tried to lower his voice to a soft murmur, hoping it would be soothing. “Okay, okay. Just calm down. Shhhh, come…come ‘ere, Connor. Just come ‘ere.”

He leaned in and pulled Connor into an embrace for the second time that day, which the other man hesitantly accepted. Kevin shakily ran a tender hand up and down Connor’s back to try and calm his tremors.

“Shhhh. It’s okay. Everything’s gonna be okay.” Kevin whispered soothingly into the other man’s ear, giving him a reassuring squeeze. “I’m sorry.”

Kevin took in a deep breath as he wearily rested his head in between the redhead’s shoulder and neck, Connor’s hair smelling like nothing short of chocolate brownies and espresso beans.

He wondered silently to himself if Jeff ever took the time to notice little things like that about Connor. Like the way his hair smelled like delicious baked goods from the café, the softness of his skin, the oceans of his eyes, the warmth of his body, how his laugh sounded like music…

Kevin was fairly certain that Jeff never bothered to notice any of those small, amazing things about Connor McKinley. And if that was truly the case, then Jeff certainly wasn’t good enough to marry him, at least according to Kevin—no matter how much money he made or how big his apartment was or how many Broadway shows he paid for or how many cakes Connor dropped on the floor.

The problem was, Kevin had no idea how to help Connor realize that for himself.


	4. Chapter 4

The next few days went by fairly uneventfully—Kevin struggling, but managing, to keep his opinions about Jeff to himself for the time being, at least until he could come up with a better way to broach the subject with Connor. Trying to force the issue just wasn’t going to work. His friend’s self-worth had apparently been depleted so low that no amount of logic was going to undo all the damage Jeff had managed to do over the past two years. He had somehow managed to brainwash Connor into thinking he wasn’t worthy of real love and that _this_ was the best he was ever going to do. Kevin was hell-bent on proving to Connor that he could do so much better than Jeff, that he was worthy of love and respect and deserved to be happy—but every time he tried, Connor simply refused to listen.

Kevin would cringe and bite his tongue any time he overheard Jeff saying something cruel and condescending towards Connor. It was nearly impossible to just sit back and pretend as though it wasn’t happening right in front of his eyes. Worse, he knew that every time he didn’t speak up, it only helped to validate Jeff’s insane criticisms.

After spending several nights in the couple’s home, Kevin was growing increasingly suspicious that perhaps more than just harsh criticism was going on behind the closed doors of the couple’s bedroom. Every once in a while, usually in the middle of the night when the apartment was dead silent, save for the clickity-clack of the radiator, as Kevin would be struggling to drift off to sleep, he would sometimes hear faint cries coming from the other room. But he honestly wasn’t able to determine if they were cries of pain or pleasure. He hoped pleasure, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that it might have been _pain_.

The mere thought of Connor actually _sleeping_ with that jerk made Kevin feel sick to his stomach. The fact that the man could have been in there every night _hurting_ Connor made him nearly throw up. If Jeff wasn’t nice to Connor in front of other people, he couldn’t imagine what the man was capable of doing when nobody else was watching. Kevin took a not-so-wild guess that Jeff was anything but loving and gentle in bed—no, the asshole was much more likely to be a domineering brute. Not that there was anything wrong with that kind of thing if that was what _both_ partners wanted, but Kevin had a hunch Connor probably wasn’t deriving much enjoyment out of whatever Jeff was in there doing to him.

Thinking about it broke Kevin’s heart into a million tiny pieces, so he tried his hardest not to. It was all just mere speculation anyway. He couldn’t prove any of it. And even if he could, he knew Connor wouldn’t listen.

 

* * *

 

Connor and Kevin were getting ready to head home that Friday afternoon after a busy day working at the coffeehouse, bundling themselves up from head to toe in thick winter wear, Connor securing his soft blue pom-pom hat on his head and Kevin, a striped beanie. It had been snowing for hours already when Julie gave them the good news that they’d be closing up a bit early due to the snowstorm, much to everyone’s delight.

“You guys comin’ with us to White Horse?” Kendra asked cheerfully as she wrapped a scarf around her neck. “Everybody’s going for happy hour. You in?”

“I’m definitely in!” Kevin answered enthusiastically, itching to socialize with his co-workers and finally make some new friends. He turned around to face Connor, a hopeful grin on his face. “Wanna go?”

Connor smiled politely and shook his head. “You know I can’t, Kev. It’s Jeff’s last night home before his big business trip. He’ll be gone for almost three weeks. I just can’t, not tonight.”

“Come on, you can come for just one teeny tiny drink.” Kevin encouraged with a daring smile, making Connor chuckle. “Super tiny, almost non-existent. Twenty minutes tops.”

Kevin was only prodding because he could tell Connor really did want to go—from the way his eyes lit up when Kendra asked if they were going and the way his lips curled up into a small smile at Kevin’s insistence.

“I would totally go any other day, Kev, but I really have to be home tonight.” Connor declined with a head shake. “I’ll be there next time for sure.” He directed toward Kendra.

Kevin just nodded sadly, opting not to argue with him this time about Jeff’s controlling behavior.

Kendra didn’t let him off the hook so easily though. “Yeah, right.” She snorted.

“Really, I will!” Connor insisted with wide eyes. “I swear; next time I am _there_.”

“Liar.” Kendra turned towards Kevin with a smirk. “He never wants to come out with us. Always has an excuse.” She then threw a wink in Connor’s direction to let him know she was only teasing.

“Not true!” Connor protested. “I definitely came out at least once!”

“Oh, that’s right. There was that one time like two years ago.” Turning back towards Kevin, she added. “Then he met Jeff and we never got to hang out with him ever again.”

Connor allowed himself a self-deprecating laugh at Kendra’s good-natured teasing. He supposed _one_ drink couldn’t hurt. Besides, he didn’t want his co-workers to think he was anti-social or anything. But it had to just be _one_ drink.

“Fine. One drink, but that’s it.” Connor reluctantly agreed with a smile, before following the others out the door and into the snowy white street.

 

* * *

 

The bar was overcrowded with hoards of young people in their twenties, fresh off of work, everyone shouting their drink orders over loud music and entering songs into the machine for bar karaoke. Kevin hadn’t been out drinking in the city yet and was looking forward to relaxing with a few beers and making some new friends. He just wished Connor could stay out longer with them and enjoy himself a little. If anyone deserved to cut loose and have some fun, it was Connor.

“What’s good here, Con?” Kevin idly asked, looking up at the menu.

“Oh, I’m the wrong person to ask. I barely ever drink. One beer and I’m already buzzed.” Connor replied over the loud music, a rosy blush popping up on his cheeks. “I’m such a lightweight.”

“Really?” Kevin laughed with wide eyes. “We’ll have to get you something strong then. I’d like to see that.”

Connor blushed a deeper shade of pink and smacked Kevin in the arm playfully. “Kevin! I have to go home and have dinner with Jeff later. I can’t show up drunk!”

“Why not? He does.” Kevin blurted out before he could stop himself. An awkward pause hung between them for a moment. “Errr…how about two, um, two IPAs? Lagun—lagun—itas something or other? That’s what Matt’s drinking.” He pointed to one of their co-workers.

Connor just nodded with a small smile, letting Kevin’s remark about Jeff brush past him. He knew Kevin meant well, he just didn’t understand Jeff the way Connor did, that’s all.

Kevin, Connor and some of their co-workers laughed and drank together for a good fifteen minutes or so—Connor, at first, obsessively checking his watch every couple of minutes for the time. He was having such a good time though that he kept giving himself just another five minutes and another five minutes. As long as it didn’t go past seven, he’d be okay, he kept telling himself. He’d only really begun to lose track of time after Kevin convinced him to have just one more drink with them and play a quick round of darts.

“Okay, but _just_ one game. Then I really have to go.” Connor laughed as he and Kevin went over to play a round.

That one game turned into two, then three, and then finally four.

Everyone from the coffeehouse had queued up various songs for karaoke and they were now all watching and laughing as other drunk people made utter fools out of themselves singing Britney Spears and Frank Sinatra and bad 80s pop music.

It was all so exhilarating and wonderful for Connor, who hadn’t been getting out much since he and Jeff had gotten together. Through the haze of alcohol and friendly chatter, he began to ask himself why he couldn’t do this sort of thing with his friends all the time—it was so much fun! Well, maybe not _all_ the time, but at least every once in a while. It didn’t seem fair, he thought, that these people were all allowed to stay out late and drink and socialize and have fun and he wasn’t. He knew it was probably just the alcohol talking and the music blaring and his friends all laughing and singing and telling stories and—what time was it again? He looked down at his watch and saw it was already past seven pm now. Ten more minutes, he thought to himself. Ten more minutes, max. Then he _had_ to go home.

Ten more minutes and one more drink turned into another hour and two more drinks and two more songs and now it was after eight pm.

Connor was almost finished with his fifth beer when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. His eyes were quite blurry now since he had never drunk alcohol often enough to build up a tolerance. _Why not though? Drinking’s fun!_ He thought happily to himself as he sipped on his beer and inadvertently stumbled backwards slightly.

Before checking his messages, he looked down at his watch. It was slightly past eight o’ clock now. That wasn’t _so_ terrible, he told himself, and if he left right that minute, he could still make it home in time to have dinner with Jeff. But in that moment, through the fuzziness of the alcohol and the music and laughter, Connor’s desire to stay and fraternize with Kevin and his coffeehouse buddies was much stronger than wanting to please Jeff. He was so _sick_ of pleasing Jeff, Connor’s booze-addled brain kept telling himself over and over again. Jeff—Jeff who wouldn’t let him go out and have fun with his friends and called him fat and ordered him around like a servant and used his body for pleasure whenever he felt like it.

Clicking the messages icon finally, Connor saw he had six missed messages from his fiancé. His heart began to thump louder in his chest as the reality of the situation caught up with him. _Uh oh_.

 

_**Jeff [7:06]:** Where the hell are you?_

_**Jeff [7:09]:** We were supposed to be together tonight_

_**Jeff [7:12]:** What happened to the nice dinner you were gonna make for me?_

_**Jeff [7:32]:** Are you seriously not gonna answer me?_

_**Jeff [7:45]:** You better be on your way home_

_**Jeff [8:03]:** I’m so fucking pissed at you right now you have no idea_

 

Connor’s eyes instantly filled with tears when he read the messages. He didn’t want to answer them, but he knew he had to. He had to. And he had to leave. Now.

Shaking, from which emotion he was unsure of—fear, drunkenness, sadness—he tried his best to respond somewhat coherently. His blurred vision and fuzzy brain were making the task at hand a difficult one.

 

_**Connor [8:05]:** Sorry I com home now_

_**Connor [8:05]:** Was only gon have 1 drink but lost track of time_

_**Connor [8:05]:** im soooo sorry_

_**Connor [8:05]:** I was just having fun tho_

_**Connor [8:05]:** Why cant I ever have fun?_

_**Connor [8:06]:** Please don’t be mad im sorry_

_**Connor [8:06]:** Sorry please don’t be mad. Coming home now_

 

Connor tipsily wandered over to where Kevin was standing, sipping his beer and leaning over the bar, watching Matt sing _No Scrubs_. His joyful laugh reverberated through the room like warm water, making Connor’s heart swell. He relished in the sight of Kevin looking so happy, despite his own eyes being filled with tears. Connor leaned forward a bit to tap Kevin on the shoulder, but instead found himself falling down hard right into Kevin’s back.

“Kev, I—I gotta home now.” He slurred slightly into the back of Kevin’s shirt. “I’m gonna get cab. See you home, k?” He moved to walk away, but instead fell backwards into Kevin’s arms.

“Whoa! Be careful.” Kevin’s eyes widened a bit when he realized just how drunk Connor actually was and gripped onto him tighter, steadying him. “I got you. Don’t worry.”

Connor mumbled something incoherently and moved to rest his face into Kevin’s shoulder.

“Okay, it’s okay.” Kevin assured soothingly. “I better go home with you. Let me just close my tab then we’ll get a cab together. Just, uh, stay right here.” Kevin felt a flood of worry pass through his veins when he noticed how glassy Connor’s eyes looked.

Connor shook his head back and forth emphatically. “Nuh uh…have t—go _now_.” Connor went to move towards the direction of the door, but stumbled again.

Kevin caught Connor in his arms just in time before he hit the floor and turned towards Kendra. “Hold him here for a sec. I’ll be right back. Don’t let him leave without me, okay?”

Kendra nodded as she steadied Connor into her side, a look of concern on her face.

Kevin finished paying the bill and he was able to get himself and Connor out of the bar and into a cab. On the ride home, Connor laid his head onto Kevin’s chest and sobbed quietly into his jacket. Kevin could sense something was definitely wrong with his friend other than just severe intoxication.

“Con, are you okay?” Kevin asked softly, his arm wrapped around the drunken redhead who was buried deep into his side. Connor shook his head into Kevin’s jacket and the brunette could hear him sniffling. “Connor, talk to me. Are you upset because you’re getting home too late?”

Connor nodded into Kevin’s chest with a hiccup.

“Is it—is it because you’re afraid?” Kevin asked quietly, wondering if Connor might finally be honest with himself in his drunken state. “Of Jeff being angry with you?” Connor was quiet, but Kevin prodded again. “You can tell me, Connor. I’m your friend.”

After a few moments, Connor finally nodded slowly. “I supposed t—be home early but I wasn’t.” He was slurring his speech slightly, but Kevin was able to comprehend what he meant. “He’s m—mad at me now.”

Kevin nodded, pulling Connor into him closer. “When he’s mad, does he ever hurt you? Like hit you or anything?” Kevin asked, praying silently to Heavenly Father the answer would be no.

Connor shook his head. “No, never hits me.”

Kevin let out of a sigh of relief at that. “That’s good at least.”

Kevin managed to get Connor upstairs to the apartment without anyone falling over or hurting themselves. He laid Connor down on the couch for a bit so he could go find Jeff and make up some lie about how he was the real reason Connor was out so late. He didn’t want to risk Jeff being angry at Connor. If he could blame himself for the mishap, he would. But Kevin looked around everywhere for Jeff and couldn’t find him anywhere. Finally, he peeked in the bedroom. Still, no Jeff. _Weird._

As Kevin walked back out into the living room, he had to stifle a chuckle at the sight of Connor snoring loudly on the couch, dead asleep, completely passed out from just a few beers. Kevin reached down and pulled off Connor’s pom pom hat and wet, snowy coat and hung them up on the coat rack before lifting the sleeping lump up into his arms and carrying him into the bedroom. He carefully laid Connor down onto the bed, pulling his wet shoes and socks off before tucking him in under the covers. He went into the kitchen to get a bottle of water and some Advil and placed them on the nightstand for when his friend woke up. He’d definitely be needing them in the morning.

“Sweet dreams.” Kevin whispered to the sleeping figure of Connor, pausing for a few moments before leaning down and pressing a soft, innocent kiss onto one of Connor’s eyelids. He wasn’t quite sure what compelled him to do that—he knew it was wrong considering Connor was passed out and had a fiancé—but for some reason, in that moment, it didn’t feel so wrong.

 

* * *

 

Later that night, around two o’ clock in the morning, Connor was fast asleep when he heard the front door suddenly slam shut, jolting him awake. His head was pounding and his entire body ached from drinking earlier that evening, but he instantly opened his eyes at the alarming sound. Jeff was finally home and Connor knew he wouldn’t be in a good mood after what had happened that night. Connor pretended to be fast asleep as he heard the loud bang of the bedroom door slamming, followed by the bathroom door and finally the dresser drawer. Clamping his eyes shut as tight as possible, Connor wished he could have just melted and disappeared into the bed, to a place where his angry fiancé could never find him.

Suddenly, Connor felt rough hands on him, pulling him up out of bed. Tears gushed freely from his closed eyes as he felt his body being violently shaken by the angry hands.

“Where were you tonight?” Jeff slurred in a hushed whisper, shaking Connor in his fists. “Answer me!”

“I’m sorry!” Connor cried quietly, just wanting the shaking to stop. “I said I’m sorry!”

“Sorry isn’t good enough!” Jeff spat out before suddenly slapping Connor hard across the face, the sound of the loud smack reverberating through the air like a knife. Shock erupted throughout Connor’s body as he gasped. Jeff had never hit him before.

“Well, where were you tonight? Huh? Answer me!” He asked in a harsh whisper, continuing to shake the redhead.

 “I—I told you, I was out with people from work. We were just having f—fun. I lost track of time. I said I’m sorry.” Connor whimpered meekly, his eyes still slammed shut. “Please, please, I already said I’m sorry. I’m sorry!”

“Stop crying, you selfish piece of shit.” Jeff cursed at Connor in a hushed voice, not wanting to alarm their houseguest. That was the last thing he needed, was for that goody-two-shoes Mormon to barge in on them, playing the hero. “Whose credit card did you use to pay for all those drinks tonight, huh? Was it mine?” He sneered, reaching down to continue his violent shaking of Connor’s body. “And who pays for that phone you never bothered to check all night while I was calling and texting you?” He reached into Connor’s pocket and pulled out the phone, chucking it swiftly across the room.

Connor nodded his head, his eyes bursting into tears. “I’m s—sorry. I said I’m sorry. Please don’t…don’t do this.”

“Come to think of it, who pays the entire goddamn rent each month for this gorgeous apartment? I think that’s me too!” Jeff spat angrily, enunciating his point by grabbing Connor’s wrists and squeezing them so hard that Connor was sure it would leave a mark. “And yet you couldn’t find it in your selfish little heart to make me _one_ lousy dinner before I go away? Not even _one_?”

Connor was sobbing uncontrollably now, but managed to shake his head. “I was going to…I just…I’m so sorry. Just…please don’t. I feel sick…I’m so sick. My head hurts. I—hurt. Please don’t.”

“You really have the life, don’t you? I mean, look at you! Don’t have to go to a real job, don’t have to pay for shit, no stress, do whatever you want. You’re nothing but a golddigging whore, Connor McKinley. That’s what you are. You go around spending all my goddamn money like it’s nothing, eating all my food, getting nice and fat, living in my apartment rent-free, working at a shitty little fucking coffeehouse and what do I get? Nothing. _This_ is what I get. _This._ ” Jeff spat angrily, gesturing to Connor. “ _You_.”

Connor shook his head, his eyes still closed. “Don’t do this.” He begged in a whisper. “Please don’t do this.”

“I’ve had enough of this.” Jeff announced hoarsely, reaching down to unclasp Connor’s belt buckle. “I love you and I’m sorry, but if you act like a golddigging whore, you get treated like a golddigging whore. Maybe next time you’ll think twice before being so selfish.”

“S—stop.” Connor whimpered through sobs. “Please stop...”

Jeff pulled his own pants down and grabbed ahold of Connor’s hair, pulling him down lower.

“Suck it.” He demanded and moved Connor’s head back and forth in order to gratify himself using Connor’s mouth.

After a few minutes, Jeff pulled Connor up by the hair and before he knew it, his face was pressed down hard into the pillow, his wrists throbbing in pain from the force in which Jeff was grabbing them, holding them down and twisting them. Jeff was hurting him more than usual and he had the lingering fear he would wake up bruised the following day. Connor’s face still stung from the slap earlier. He still couldn’t believe Jeff had actually hit him. Jeff would get rough with him every now and then, but actually _hitting_ him? That had never happened before in the two years they’d been together.

Suddenly, Connor felt the familiar burn in his backside from Jeff’s abrupt mounting of his person with no warning. Connor tried desperately to hold back a scream, but a small yelp still escaped his mouth. All he felt was pain, everywhere, and he silently wished with all of his might that he could just disappear or die right there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please bear with me...they sort it out next chapter and McPriceley is coming. Chapters 6 onward will be all McPriceley happy fluff n stuff, I promise!


	5. Chapter 5

Kevin had heard the door slam the night before. It shook him out of his dreamy sleep and woke him up with a jolt. He had gotten up out of his couch bed and walked over to the door of the couple’s bedroom to see if he could hear any sounds of fighting or unpleasantness. He heard a few doors slam from inside the room and some hushed voices, but nothing too alarming. He pressed his ear to the door after a while and could hear the sound of voices talking in whispers, but he couldn’t really make out what anyone was saying. After standing there for a good twenty minutes or so, it didn’t seem like anything troubling was going on so he went back to bed. At about seven o'clock in the morning, he heard Jeff leave to go catch his flight to to San Diego where he’d be gone for about three weeks on a business trip, much to Kevin’s relief. He’d been counting down the days until the man’s departure. Kevin knew he needed to use the next few weeks to knock some sense into Connor without the asshole around to reel him back into the trap he’d so carefully set.

It was nearly noon now and Connor had yet to emerge from his bedroom. Kevin didn’t want to disturb him since they had the day off from the coffeehouse. Maybe Connor always slept this late on the days he didn’t need to wake up early for work. The redhead would definitely have a hangover when he woke up, no doubt, and would probably need a few extra hours of rest to sleep it off. Kevin busied himself making a few pancakes and doing a crossword puzzle on his iPad. He watched some bad daytime television for a while, but his eyes kept on wandering over to gaze at Connor’s bedroom door, hoping the redhead would emerge at any moment with a sleepy smile. Finally, at about two o’ clock in the afternoon, Kevin couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to make sure Connor was alright, even if that meant invading his privacy.

Kevin knocked softly on the bedroom door. “Con? Are you awake? Can I come in?”

No answer. He knocked again. “Connor? I just want to make sure you’re okay, that’s all.” Kevin offered through the door. “Can I please come in?”

Kevin leaned his ear up against the door. He could hear the faint sound of sobbing coming from inside, instantly raising his blood pressure and simultaneously causing his heart to ache.

Opening up the door just a crack, Kevin peered his head inside the bedroom. Connor’s clothes from the night before were strewn haphazardly all over the floor, his phone clear across the room laying on the ground with the case popped off beside it. Connor laid in the bed, looking so small against the huge size of their California king. He didn’t have any shirt on and was hugging a couple of pillows next to him, a sheet draped across the lower half of his body. His face was bright red, his eyes slammed shut as he sobbed into the pillow.

Kevin wasn’t sure what to do. Connor hadn’t seen him enter the room, he looked too preoccupied with his own thoughts. Before he could form a decision, Kevin found himself already sitting next to Connor on the bed, reaching out his hand and placing it on Connor’s bare arm for comfort.

Connor immediately bolted upright with a scream at the touch, shocked at there being another presence in the room.

“Kevin! What are you doing?” The teary-eyed redhead yelped, instantly self-conscious about his disheveled state and the fact that he was naked underneath the sheet. He instinctively pulled the sheet up more tightly around his body. He knew Kevin couldn’t see anything, but for some reason he felt compelled to wrap himself up more tightly anyway, just to be sure.

“I’m—I’m sorry.” Kevin apologized sincerely, his eyes now glassy because of the distraught state his friend seemed to be in. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay, that’s all.”

Swallowing hard, Kevin’s eyes moved to land on Connor’s hands that were clutching the sheet around his midsection. Kevin gasped as he realized the man’s wrists and lower arms were riddled with purple and black bruises that had not been there the night before. A sharp breath caught in Kevin’s throat as he processed what must have happened.

“Oh my God, Connor.” Kevin gasped in agony as he reached down to place a tender hand on one of Connor’s bruised wrists. The redhead instantly flinched at the touch and moved to cover his arms underneath the sheet.

“It’s not—it’s not what you think.” Connor stammered through tears. “Please just go. I’ll come out later. Just leave, Kevin. Please just leave.”

“He did this to you.” Kevin murmured in disbelief, tears streaming down his face now, reaching down to pull Connor’s arms back out from the underneath the sheet. Connor’s resolve was gradually weakening and he allowed Kevin to expose his bruises. Kevin trailed a couple of fingers over the black and purple marks. “How long has this been going on?” He choked out through tears.

Connor shook his head, tears pouring down his face. “This is the first time, I swear. Usually it’s just…usually he’s just a little rough with me, um, in bed sometimes. But this is the first time I got…this.” He admitted softly, referring to his bruises. “I swear he’s never hurt me like this before.”

Kevin let out a gasp and shook his head, his mind immediately starting to form a plan of action to fix it. “Okay, we can fix this. We’ll, um—we’ll need to get you out of here before Jeff gets back from his trip. I didn’t realize…I didn’t know it was this bad.”

“What?” Connor gasped, not quite sure what Kevin was suggesting. “What are you talking about?”

“I have a few apartments I’m looking at next week. You’ll come with me, you’ll stay with me wherever I end up, we’ll get you out of here. We can figure out the rest later, but you can’t stay here anymore. It’s not safe.”

“Not safe? Kevin.” Connor warned, taking in a deep breath to calm himself. “I know how bad this looks, but I can’t just up and _leave_ him! He’s my fiancé. I’ll deal with this when he gets back. We’ll fix it. It’ll be okay.”

“Look at this!” Kevin shouted, lifting up one of Connor’s arms to show him. “ _Look_ at what he’s doing to you! Do you _see_ this? He’s _hurting_ you. Take a good long look at this.” He had a firm grasp of Connor’s arm, lifting it up close to his face to show him. “You can’t possibly sit there and tell me this is okay? That this is normal?”

Connor gasped in shock as he took in the sight of his own arm, not sure what else to say. He knew it wasn’t okay. He knew that. But, Jeff was all he had. Literally. His family had disavowed him years before. He didn’t have many friends. Jeff was the only person to ever say ‘I love you’ to him, the only man who had ever asked to marry him, the only one who’d stayed with him for more than a few months. Jeff supported him, paid for their apartment, never asking Connor for a dime. Connor wasn’t sure how he could ever get by without him, not on his measly salary. Not now, not after all this. What if he left Jeff and then no one ever wanted to be with him ever again? What if Jeff was the only person who would ever love him? He would be alone forever.

“I see it.” Connor admitted in a quiet whisper. “But you don’t understand, Kevin. He’s all I have.”

“No, he’s not.” Kevin argued in a soft voice. “You have me. You’ll always have me. And you have Arnold and Chris and everyone else from the mission. You have your parents and your little sister. You have your friends at work. You don’t _need_ him, Connor. You don’t need _this_.” He gestured to Connor’s bruised arm. “You have so many people who love you. You don’t need to put up with this. Being alone would be better than this. Can’t you see that?”

Connor shook his head, fresh tears welling up in his eyes. “You’re wrong. I don’t have my sister or anyone else in my family for that matter. They haven’t spoken to me in years, Kevin. Not since I came out to them after we got back from Uganda. I’m nothing but a disgrace to them. They don’t talk to me anymore. I haven’t seen them in years.”

A pang of sadness stabbed at Kevin’s heart. “Well, I didn’t know that. You never told me.” His voice was pained, yet gentle. He didn’t want to upset Connor any further. “I—I’m so sorry to hear that, Connor. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want anyone to know. How do you think it feels knowing your own family doesn’t want anything to do with you?” Connor spouted in a shaky voice, shuddering. “It feels awful. I’m so…ashamed. I didn’t want anyone to know.”

Kevin nodded, not sure what else to say. His own family had major issues with him coming out too, but he still went home for Christmas every other year and they had forged a somewhat amicable relationship over the years since his coming out.

“Is that why you stay with him? Because you don’t have your family anymore?” Kevin asked quietly, keeping a gentle hold of his friend’s hands. “You feel like he’s the only family you have now?”

“I don’t know.” Connor moaned in agony, sinking back further into the bed. “I couldn’t find anyone. Everyone I ever dated found some reason not to stay with me. I was so lonely. All I wanted was to have someone who…loved me. The longest anyone ever stayed with me was Jeff. I couldn’t believe it! We had been together for three months and he was still around!” He gasped in disbelief, a small nostalgic smile playing on his lips. “He’d tell me all the time that he loved me and that I was the best thing that had ever happened to him.” Connor’s voice turned pained at the sad recollection. “I’d never had that before. No one…no one had ever told me they loved me before. Not until Jeff.”

Kevin laid his body down on the bed and cautiously snuggled in closer to Connor’s side so that he wasn’t talking down at him anyone. He held onto his friend’s bruised wrists, thumbing soft little circles into them to try and soothe him. “But he doesn’t love you, Connor.”

A sharp intake of breath caught in Connor’s throat. “Yes, he does. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“No, he doesn’t.” Kevin urged more forcefully. “He _doesn’t_ love you. This isn’t love. Hurting you and calling you names and not letting you follow your dreams and giving you bruises _isn’t_ love!”

“Well, it’s the closest I’ve ever gotten!” Connor whimpered into the pillow, not wanting to discuss it anymore. “No one could ever really love me.” A hiccup escaped his mouth. “This is the best I’m ever going to do. I have to just accept that and deal with it. It’s better than being…than being alone forever.”

Kevin’s heart sank as he let out a sorrowful gasp at Connor’s words. “Why do you think that, Connor? That no one could ever really love you?” Tears were dripping down Kevin’s face. “Why would you _ever_ think that?”

“Because it’s true.” Connor spat angrily. “The only one who ever even came close to loving me was Jeff. That’s as good as it’s going to get, Kevin.”

“That isn’t true. I know for a fact that isn’t true.” Kevin insisted, tears spilling out of his eyes. “I know it.”

Connor scoffed, shaking his head. “And how could you possibly know that? You’ve spent your entire life being the pretty boy. The one everybody wants to be friends with, the one who everyone just loves. I bet you never had any trouble getting a date.”

“That’s not true! Well, I do have a pretty easy time _getting_ dates, but no one ever stayed with me long enough to say ‘I love you’. It was always ‘you act too childish’ or ‘do you really need that second bowl of ice cream?’ or ‘I just don’t want to watch the Lion King again!’” Kevin complained, trying to relate to Connor about his predicament. “I get lonely too, you know. Everyone feels that way once in a while. That doesn’t mean you should accept _this_.” He gestured to Connor’s bruises. “ _This_ is ten times worse than being alone. A thousand times worse, even.”

“Did you know I had to miss my own prom because no one would go with me?” Connor admitted softly. “I was chubby and gay, even though I tried to pretend I wasn’t, and always got picked last in gym class and constantly had to eat alone in the cafeteria.” Connor let out a shaky exhale. “You could never have any idea what that feels like.”

Kevin swallowed hard, not sure what to say to that. Connor was right—he had no idea what that felt like. “I may not know what any of that feels like, you’re right. But I do know there’s someone out there who is just waiting to love you, Connor— waiting to _really_ love you. Not in the sick, twisted, fucked up way Jeff loves you, but really love you in the way…in the way that you deserve to be loved.”

 “You couldn’t possibly know that!” Connor suddenly cried out in pain, not able to control his emotions any more. “Get out of my room! Just get out!”

“No, you don’t understand—I do!” Kevin affirmed, Connor not understanding at all what he was trying to get at. “I do.”

“No, you don’t!” Connor yelled, trying to pull away from Kevin’s grasp. “Leave me alone!”

“No, I mean…I _do_.” Kevin stammered awkwardly, looking down at their intertwined hands. “I mean, I do…I could…I would…um, I—um—“, He paused for a moment to take in a deep breath. This was it. There was no turning back now. “I—I love you, Connor. I think—I think I have for a long time.”

“What?” Connor gasped in disbelief. This was all just too much. “What are you— _what are you talking about_?” He cried out, clutching the pillow for support.

“I’ve had feelings for you for a long time now.” Kevin swallowed hard and tried to speak in a calm voice. “At first, I didn’t want to admit I was gay, so I didn’t tell you. Then when you got together with Jeff, I thought you were happy with him, so I didn’t tell you. There was always something in the way.” He paused for a moment to sniffle and take Connor’s hand. “I had no idea how badly he was hurting you, Connor. I really didn’t, and I didn’t realize how unhappy you were. If I did, I would’ve…I would’ve told you a lot sooner. I promise, I would’ve.”

Connor had no idea what to say to this latest revelation. His insides were twisting and turning now, aching in pain. He’d had a longtime, unrequited crush on Kevin Price ever since he’d first stepped foot into District Nine seven years prior. Connor had spent months, years even, secretly pining away for him. Eventually, Connor had to give up. Being in a relationship with Kevin seemed to be just an impossible dream that could never come true in reality. Finally, one day, he met Jeff and eventually tried to force those deep-rooted feelings for Kevin Price by the wayside.

But nevertheless, here they were.

“I don’t know what to say to that, Kevin. I—I don’t know what to say.” Connor gasped, breathing erratically now from the stress, completely at a loss for words. “I can’t believe this is happening _now_. I mean—after all those years I spent hoping you’d say those words to me and being disappointed time after time. _Now_ you tell me this? I—I don’t even know what to say to you. I have no idea what to say.”

“Say you’ll let me show you.” Kevin whispered in a shaky voice, leaning down so his face was right up against Connor’s. A lone tear dripped out of Kevin’s eye and landed on Connor’s red cheek. “Say you’ll let me show you what real love can be like. I can prove to you that you don’t need that asshole. You don’t need him in your life, you don’t need his money, and you certainly don’t need him in order to have love. I can show you, I swear. I swear I can show you. You’ll see. Just give me a chance, Connor, and you’ll see that you don’t need him.”

“I’m not going to cheat on my fiancé!” Connor cried out, not able to handle any more of this.

“No, no! I didn’t mean it like that. I—I would never ask you to do _that_.” Kevin tried to nervously clarify. “I just meant, I can show you what life…what, um, _love_ …can be like without him. Without him controlling you, without him hurting you or bossing you around.” He swallowed hard as he gazed into Connor’s eyes. “I’m not letting you go without a fight this time, Connor McKinley. I won’t do it. You deserve _so_ much more than this. Please, just let me show you. I’m begging you.”

Connor wanted, more than anything he’d ever wanted in his whole goddamn life, to let Kevin show him. But, no matter how badly Jeff had treated him, it still felt sneaky and adulterous and wrong. He was with Jeff and they were engaged to be married. Connor knew, deep down in his soul, that he was only with Jeff because he thought he could never find real love. Now, right at this moment, real love was staring him smack dab in the face and he had to make a decision.

“I—I don’t know, Kevin.” Connor sniffled, leaning in closer to Kevin so much so that he could smell the minty shampoo in his hair from the brunette’s morning shower and the lingering scent of pancakes on his breath. “I want to, I really do…but I’m scared.”

“Scared of what? Of me?” Kevin asked quizzically.

“No, silly.” A small smile peeked out of Connor’s lips. “Of what he might do when he finds out…when he finds out I’ve left him. He might come looking for me. He might…he might come and hurt us or something.”

“That’s what he wants you to believe. He wants you to believe that so you never even _think_ about leaving him. But he’s not going to do that. It’s all just empty threats to try and control you. You deserve to be happy, Connor. And I want to show you what that can _feel_ like. What happiness can feel like.” He paused for a moment, bringing his hand up to caress Connor’s cheek. “If you’ll let me, that is. If you want this just as much as I do.”

Connor shook his head with a small laugh. “Of course I want it. I’ve had a crush on you for over seven years, Kevin. I just never thought—I never thought in a million years that you might actually feel the same way about me. I had no idea. I—I still can’t even believe this is actually happening. What if this is all just a dream and I wake up tomorrow and none of it was real?”

“Is that a yes?” Kevin asked softly with a small inkling of a smile playing at his lips, still stroking the other man’s cheek.

Connor nodded with a sniffle, finally coming to a decision. “Yes. I—I want to—I wanna try…this. I wanna try this. But, um—“, He paused for a moment and bit his lip pensively. “I don’t want to actually _cheat_ on him or anything. Not until we’re broken up for good. It just wouldn’t feel right. Is that okay?”

“Of course. I’d never ask you to do that. I mean, not that he deserves _any_ loyalty from you whatsoever after what he’s done, but I know how you feel about that. Don’t worry, there’s no pressure here. None at all, I promise.” Kevin cooed gently. “Okay?”

Connor thought about it for a few moments longer, glancing down at the horrifying bruises on his wrists that snaked up his arms, before turning his eyes to gaze back up at Kevin—Kevin Price, who was offering to give him what he’d always yearned for his entire life— _love_.

“Okay. Let’s try.” Connor agreed in a soft voice, which was met by a huge beaming smile from Kevin.

A few quiet moments went by, both of them gazing at one another, neither of them sure of what to do next or what was expected of them now. “So what do we do now?” Connor asked in an unsure voice.

“Now…” Kevin thought for a moment. “Now I’m going to make you breakfast and bring it to you in bed.” He offered with a giant grin. “And not because I think you’re mad at me for yelling at you for no reason, but just because I _want_ to.” He added before standing up and placing a soft, gentle kiss onto Connor’s wet cheek. “How does that sound?” He asked, pulling back.

“That sounds…wonderful.” Connor murmured softly, tears rolling down his cheeks. And for the first time in a very long time, he was pretty sure they weren’t tears of sorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of the suffering is at hand! Thank you for bearing with me. Will post another chapter soon and it will definitely not be as angsty as these past few.


	6. Chapter 6

Work the next day at the coffeehouse was busier than usual with a seemingly never-ending line of customers. On this cold, bleak December morning with far too much work to be done, Connor worked quickly despite the nagging soreness in his arms, not to mention the ever-present burning sensation that plagued his backside. He didn’t want anyone besides Kevin to see the purple and black bruises that covered his arms, so he had to keep reminding himself not to absent-mindedly roll up his sleeves while working. Despite the pain he was in and the confusion of the last few days clouding up his mind like fog, the redhead worked diligently all morning long, perhaps even with a bit of an extra spring in his step.

The day before, after calming down from their heated conversation, the two men spent a quiet, lazy day at home together—comforting one another and watching movies. It wasn’t a particularly spectacular day or anything, the pair having spent the majority of the day nursing Connor’s hangover and processing their feelings about everything that had happened. They ordered Chinese take-out and decided that, except for using the bathroom, they weren’t going to leave the couch all day. They binge-watched movies on Netflix, laughed every so often and talked. Anyone watching through a window would have guessed that they were just a normal, happy couple spending a boring Saturday together at home—very domestic, very normal.

But for Connor, something as simple as laying on the couch watching movies and eating Chinese food, snuggled underneath plush blankets and one of Kevin’s arms, was such a rarity. He never had days like that with Jeff—where he was free to simply exist and be himself with no criticisms and no expectations of anything more.

After a relaxing day of doing absolutely nothing, nighttime had finally rolled around and Connor got up to go to sleep. The boys said their goodnights and Connor retired to his bedroom, alone. But, after hours of trying to fall asleep, tossing and turning, he found that he just couldn’t sleep—not alone, not there, not in that room, not where Jeff had hurt him. He walked back out, rather timidly, and asked Kevin if he could sleep next to him on the couch instead. Of course, Kevin said yes and they snuggled close to one another before finally drifting off to sleep. It was cramped and they had practically no room, but they didn’t mind. There was no kissing, no sex, no touching other than sleeping beside one another—Connor definitely wasn’t ready for any of _that_ yet—but they just slept peacefully like that, holding one another close, simply existing, without any expectations or fanfare. As Connor laid there, wrapped up in Kevin’s protective arms, he realized that he’d never felt more safe or loved in his life than he did right at that moment. And if that was how being with Kevin Price felt on one of the _worst_ possible days, he couldn’t even imagine how wonderful one of the _best_ possible days might feel. And he honestly could not wait to find out.

The prospect of being with Kevin helped to lessen Connor’s pain, but the redhead wasn’t fooling himself or anything. The latest turn of events had been _incredibly_ overwhelming and difficult to bear, but he was trying to look on the bright side. He had _Kevin_ now—in a way that felt new and exciting, yet so safe and familiar all at the same time. He had Kevin Price who actually _liked_ him—dare he say, _loved_ him. Kevin Price who wanted to _be_ with him. Kevin Price who was going to _help_ him through this. Everything he’d ever wanted since he was nineteen years old was suddenly coming true and he couldn’t believe it. The very thought of what was to come between himself and Kevin simply filled Connor’s heart to the brim in a way that no other relationship had ever had.

With Kevin by his side, things were slowly starting to make sense again. The veil of self-hatred and doubt that had been clouding his judgment for the past two years had begun to finally lift, if only a little—but _just_ enough to make Connor see things a bit more clearly—clearly enough to realize he deserved better than Jeff. Connor McKinley deserved _love_ and Kevin Price couldn’t wait to provide it. And although he was still having some trouble accepting the fact that he’d soon be leaving Jeff and his former life behind, he knew deep down in his gut that it was the right decision. It was the only decision, really.

For the first time since leaving Uganda and his missionary family, Connor McKinley no longer felt completely lost and alone, as though he was adrift at sea, sinking, _drowning_. No, he had Kevin now. Kevin, who was offering to be his lifeboat—his sweet, caring, and unbelievably attractive lifeboat. Connor knew he could rely on the other man to be there for him when things got tough—and they would inevitably get tough—especially once Jeff returned home from his business trip after the holidays. Knowing that Kevin would be by his side through it all allowed some of Connor’s fears to fade to the back of his mind. For now, at least.

 

* * *

 

“Follow me!” Kevin urged excitedly as they left the coffeehouse later that afternoon after their shift ended, clasping his hand into Connor’s as they walked down the snow-laden street. The taller man was swiftly leading the other into the direction of a small park a couple of blocks away from the coffeehouse. It was bitter cold outside, the boys bundled up from head to toe—from the long underwear beneath their fuzzy sweaters to the scarfs wrapped around their necks and the soft hats atop their heads.

“Where are we going?” Connor asked breathlessly, confusion evident in his tone as he glanced back behind him and pointed. “The train’s that way.”

“You’ll see.” Kevin grinned mischievously as he continued to lead Connor towards the park. “It’s a surprise!”

Once they got to the park, Kevin set his book bag down onto one of the snow-covered picnic tables and began taking out several rather strange items—a semi-rotten carrot, an old scarf, a plastic kazoo, a bunch of rocks, and a large thermos.

Kevin grinned shyly as he gestured to the items. “Do you want to build a snowma-a-a-a-an?” He cheerfully sang out the familiar song from _Frozen_ , arms in the air.

“What?” Connor exclaimed through a sudden eruption of laughter at Kevin’s unexpected question. “Where on Earth is this coming from?”

Kevin’s cheeks blossomed into a shy blush as he tried to shrug nonchalantly. “Well, I’ve been trying to think of some fun things we could do together that wouldn’t cost us a lot of money since—since we don’t have a lot of that, you know?”

Kevin watched as Connor’s face softened before continuing. “I, um…I even have a list of all the things I thought we could do together. I stayed up late working on it last night after you went to bed and again this morning. There’s thirty-two ideas in total and they’re all free. Well, mostly free, anyway. We don’t need to do all of them or anything, they’re just ideas. I want them all to be surprises, if that’s okay?” Kevin bit his lip shyly, shifting in place for a moment or two before stammering. “Does that sound like fun to you?”

Connor nodded slowly, taking in Kevin’s thoughtful words and feeling the familiar sensation of his heart seeming to swell, fluttering butterflies swirling around inside his tummy. He felt the slight prickle of unshed tears forming behind his eyes. Kevin was so sweet. No, he was beyond sweet. He was absolutely _incredible_ , Connor thought to himself.

Kevin continued in a soft voice. “I really just want to show you that, um, that we can go out on fun dates—I mean, if you’re ready to call them dates, that is…you don’t have to call them dates yet, not if it makes you uncomfortable—and, uh, enjoy ourselves without having to rely on Jeff’s guilt money. Am I making any sense?”

Reading the mixture of emotions on Connor’s face, Kevin slowly moved in closer to the other man, leaning in so that their faces were nearly touching. Connor stepped back a bit, the _crunch_ of his foot through the icy snow being the only sound to break their silence. Connor looked slightly frightened, as though fearful that Kevin might try and kiss him or something. The thought had briefly crossed Kevin’s mind, but he knew it was too soon for that kind of thing. Connor wasn’t ready for any of that yet and Kevin knew that.

Kevin decided instead to just lean in and place a soft, innocent peck atop Connor’s snowy blue pom-pom hat. Pulling back and looking into the man’s wide blue eyes, he could see how red Connor’s cheeks were now, both from the chilly nip in the air and the close contact Kevin was initiating.

“Well, what do you say, huh?” Kevin asked gingerly, stepping back with a playful laugh before bending down to roll up a snowball up in his hands. Clearing his throat, he sang out the familiar tune, twirling around haphazardly. “Do you want to build a snowma-a-a-a-a-an? It doesn’t have to be a snowma-a-a-a-an!”

Giggling softly at Kevin’s endearing antics, Connor nodded with a small sniffle and the two got to work on building their snowman. Connor honestly could not remember the last time he’d built a snowman—not _seriously_ built a snowman, anyway. Kevin took it a little too seriously for Connor’s taste, but he knew that was just Kevin’s personality, ever the perfectionist. Connor secretly thought it was adorable how Kevin kept on trying to painstakingly refine the snowman’s features as though it were a piece of art and not a giant ball of ice that was just going to melt away in a few weeks’ time.

“I didn’t have a pipe or anything, but, look, I got this cool kazoo at the dollar store! I think it’s perfect—gives him a little character, ya know?” Kevin explained as he popped the kazoo into the snowman’s mouth, which was made up of tiny rocks. “What do you think? He could be like one of those weird subway musicians that plays the kazoo.”

“Sure.” Connor raised his eyebrows mockingly at Kevin’s attempt to give their snowman a backstory. “Too bad we don’t have a tip jar to give him.”

Rolling his eyes at Connor and stepping back to admire their handiwork, Kevin nodded in approval. “Not to sound overly cocky or anything, but I think this is one seriously amazing snowman, Con. We should totally enter one of those snowman building contests they have in Central Park. I bet we could win _easy_!”

Connor snorted loudly at Kevin’s allusions of grandeur about their snowman-building abilities. “Come on, let me get a picture of you next to the snowman, okay?”

They finished taking their pictures together as the sky began to darken. Both boys were frozen to the bone by this point.

“Now we get hot chocolate for a job well done.” Kevin grinned and handed Connor the hot thermos full of yummy cocoa. Kevin reached into his bag and took out two cups from the coffeehouse. They huddled close together and sipped their steaming hot cocoa, talking and giggling quietly every so often, until it was finally time to go home as it had gotten rather late and the sky was almost completely dark.

“I feel a little bad just leaving him here like this.” Kevin mused sadly as he glanced back at their snowman. “Maybe we can come back tomorrow and build him a Mrs.?” He asked hopefully towards Connor.

“Or a Mr.” Connor reminded Kevin pointedly. “We shouldn’t just assume he’s a straight snowman, right? He could be a gay snowman—a gay kazoo-playing subway musician snowman who’s so poor, he can’t even afford to buy a guitar. Or a tip jar.”

After contemplating his thoughts for a moment or two, the redhead continued quietly. “But it’s okay, that he doesn’t have a lot of money, as long as he has love.” Connor stated softly, looking up at Kevin, his eyes twinkling just a bit. “Right?”

It had been quite a while since Kevin got to see that familiar twinkle in Connor’s eyes. Kevin loved when Connor’s eyes twinkled like that, as though a thousand tiny stars were dancing over his perfect blue eyes.

The brunette just smiled shyly and nodded. “Right.”

Connor took the other man’s hand into his own, unexpectedly holding it tight and not letting go, even after they’d walked a couple of blocks down the street. Kevin blushed lightly and gave the redhead’s gloved hand a gentle squeeze, the pair walking hand-in-hand like that all the way home.

 

* * *

 

Connor was hit with a barrage of guilt the moment they walked into the apartment. After spending a wonderful evening with Kevin, a date even (as Connor preferred to think of it), they were forced to return home to _Jeff’s_ apartment. Everything in the place reeked of his relationship with Jeff. Connor knew he didn’t need to feel guilty anymore, not with all things considered. Jeff was awful to him—he did nothing but hurt him, sexually assault him, call him names, demean him. Connor _knew_ that, yet he still couldn’t escape the suffocating feeling of being _surrounded_ by him on all sides, despite the man being over three-thousand miles away in San Diego.

Kevin instantly noticed Connor’s change in mood as they sat down on the couch to watch a movie and order pizza. Upon entering the apartment, the redhead suddenly looked slightly green in the face and the twinkle had completely vanished from his eyes. His blue eyes now just looked troubled as he sat there on the couch reeling, clearly deep in thought about _something_.

“Hey.” Kevin cooed softly to Connor, scooting himself closer to the other man and placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Everything okay? You look kinda sad all of a sudden.”

Shaken out of his inner thoughts, Connor nodded his head towards Kevin, trying to put some semblance of a fake smile on his face. “I’m fine, Kevin.”

“You don’t look fine to me.” Kevin noted softly, giving Connor’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “You, uh—you had fun tonight, right? I mean, I know building a snowman was kinda lame and all, but I hope you still had a good time. I just thought it’d be nice to do something where we didn’t need to spend a ton of—“

Kevin was interrupted by a pale finger tenderly placing itself over his lips to quiet him.

“Shhhh. That’s not why I’m sad, you big dope.” Connor whispered through a knowing smile in such a sweet tone of voice that it caused Kevin’s heart rate to instantly quicken. “It wasn’t lame at all. I had a wonderful time with you tonight.” The redhead paused a moment, biting his bottom lip. “Really wonderful, actually.”

Kevin’s eyes perked up, a crooked smile appearing on his face. “You did?”

“Yeah, I did.” Connor cocked his head to the side, a shy smile on his face. “In fact, I think it was probably the best date I’ve ever been on.”

Kevin laughed heartily at that. “Was that sarcasm? I thought you didn’t really do sarcasm.”

“I don’t.” Connor insisted with an amount of sincerity to his voice that Kevin wasn’t used to. “I meant it.”

“Really?” Kevin asked, his tone more serious now, albeit slightly dumbfounded. “But I mean, I didn’t even pay for anything. Well, except for that cheap plastic kazoo and even that was just from the dollar store. I stole the carrot and the cocoa from work. I stole the cups from work. I even stole the thermos from work, and, er…that one I really need to give back tomorrow. I made you freeze your butt off for hours in the freezing cold just to build a silly snowman. I’d hardly call that the ‘best date ever’. It was barely even a date.”

“It was perfect.” Connor stated simply and without hesitation, his eyes glassy and his smile genuine.

“It was?” Kevin asked hopefully, his face feeling awfully hot now. “I mean, _I_ thought it was perfect, but I didn’t think you would. Everyone else I ever dated would’ve said it was stupid and childish. And they would’ve thought I was dumb for even thinking of it.”

“Maybe your other dates would’ve thought that about you, Kevin, but _I_ don’t.” Connor’s soft smile practically melted Kevin’s heart as he felt the redhead gently pat his knee for reassurance. “Looks like you were wrong about something for once.”

“Then why did you look so sad all of a sudden?” Kevin asked, concern lacing his tone. “Our date isn’t even over yet—we still have pizza to eat and the Lion King to watch!” He grinned excitedly at the thought.

If Kevin was going to be completely honest, eating pizza and watching the Lion King was his absolute favorite thing to do in the whole world. And now that he had Connor—well, now eating pizza and watching the Lion King and cuddling with _Connor_ would be his favorite thing to do in the whole world.

Connor’s face fell a bit as he looked around at their surroundings. “I just don’t think I like being here anymore, you know? I hate this place. Everything about it just reminds me of him and what he did to me. I just wish I had some place else to go, that’s all.”

“I wish I had some place else to bring you.” Kevin offered sincerely, his eyes saddened now to match Connor’s. “But don’t worry—we’re gonna be out of here before you know it, Con. I promise.” The brunette assured him. “We just have to get through the next week or two, that’s all. Then we’ll be home free and everything can start over. Okay?”

“Okay.” Connor nodded. “Are you still looking at apartments this week?” He asked, looking up into Kevin’s eyes hopefully.

Kevin’s lips curled up into a small smile as he nodded. “Yeah, three of them. One of them is a studio apartment and the others are just rooms in shared apartments.” He sighed sadly. “Money really does not go very far around here, even with both our salaries.”

Connor’s face fell slightly at this latest development, if only because Kevin had promised Connor that he’d be able to go with him wherever he ended up. How could he go with him if he ended up just renting a room? Would the landlord even allow it?

“Oh.” Connor stammered. “But I—I thought you said that I could—I mean, I thought you meant that I’d be going with—“, a sharp breath suddenly hitched in Connor’s throat as he began to panic. He thought he’d be going with Kevin to some place where Jeff wouldn’t— _couldn’t_ —ever hurt him again.

Kevin’s eyes widened as he realized what Connor was thinking and immediately moved to comfort the other man, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “Connor…you’re coming with me wherever I go. That’s a given. We’ll make it work, I promise. Anything will be better than being here, even if we have to…I don’t know, snuggle up in some silly twin bed together.” Grinning coyly, Kevin nudged the redhead playfully, trying to get him to smile. “Would that really be _so_ bad? I mean, there are plenty of worse people you could be stuck snuggling with in a twin bed, right?”

Kevin finally saw the beginnings of a small smile peeking out of Connor’s lips as the redhead shook his head. “No, no, I didn’t mean—I didn’t mean I don’t want to be… _close_ to you, Kevin. I do. You know I do.” Connor clarified softly with a bright red blush. “I’m just worried about everything. What if we don’t find a place before he gets back?”

“Don’t worry, Con. I got this.” Kevin assured the redhead with a gentle squeeze. “We’ll go together to look at all the places, we won’t take anything you’re not okay with. It’ll be our place, yours and mine, no matter what. Okay?”

Connor nodded, rearranging his position on the couch so that he was now cradled in Kevin’s arms, his head resting atop the taller man’s chest.

“So…pizza and Lion King?” Kevin asked hopefully, gently squeezing Connor and planting an innocent kiss atop his messy ginger hair.

Connor giggled, allowing his body to finally relax a little into the warmth of Kevin’s arms. “Pizza and Lion King.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you to all of you who have been reading and commenting so far on this fic - it makes me SO happy! And thanks for following along this whole time with this long, sometimes slow moving fic! I thought this fic would have been over by now, but I still have about 4 chapters left (it's all outlined). There will be a couple of more bumps in the road unfortunately, but not until towards the end.
> 
> This chapter is pretty slow to start off, but it really picks up mid-way through and it gets a bit emotional. I made myself nearly cry a few times while I was writing the end of this chapter because apparently I love torturing myself. :( :( :(
> 
> There is an "almost-sex scene" towards the middle/end of this chapter, but they don't end up actually doing it. I know sex scenes aren't everyone's thing, but even if that's not your thing, there's an important plot point that comes from it so please try not to skip over it since it doesn't get very graphic anyway

Over the next few days, Kevin took Connor out on several more surprise “dates”—much to Connor’s delight. They were all inexpensive activities, so some of them bordered on a bit weird (it was hard to find free things to do in the city), but Connor honestly didn’t even care what they were doing as long as they were doing it together.

On Friday, the pair left work early to visit a couple of prospective apartments—one of them, a small studio in the East Village and the other, a room for rent not far from the coffeehouse.

The studio was small, cramped, and covered in what could only be described as filth. Connor was also pretty sure he saw not one, but _two_ roaches running around the kitchen. He was used to seeing the occasional roach here and there, having lived in the city for so long, but Kevin practically jumped out of his skin when he spotted one of the roaches scurrying across the kitchen floor. That apartment would _definitely_ be a last resort.

The room for rent in the apartment near the coffeehouse was nice though—clean, well-kempt and fairly large. Three other guys shared the apartment and they were fine with the fact that Kevin and Connor would both be sharing the one room together. By the end of the tour, the guys had already offered the room to Kevin and Connor.

“Rent is $1,200, plus the deposit so that comes to $2,400. You guys got that on hand now? It’s yours if you want it and you can move in as soon as tomorrow.” The main guy, Jake, told the pair.

Kevin thought about it for a moment. That seemed reasonable. They had a total of $3,000 between the two of them which would even leave a little cash left over for celebrating. Kevin smiled inwardly at the thought. He’d be able to take Connor out on a _real_ date this time. But they’d only looked at two places so far—they might’ve found something better if they kept looking.

He glanced over at Connor, who looked as though he was about to burst out of his skin from excitement. The redhead reached into his bag to pull out the money, but Kevin stopped him and the pair instead went out into the hallway to deliberate.

“What are you doing? Don’t you want it?” Connor asked in utter bewilderment. “It’s perfect!”

“I mean, it’s okay, but it’s just a room and there’s three other guys in there. We can probably do way better than this. We still have one more to go see tomorrow, remember?” Kevin reminded the redhead, who was practically exploding from the tense excitement at the prospect of finally getting an apartment.

“But they’re offering this one to us _now_! You heard Jake, we can move in tomorrow!” Connor urged impatiently.

Kevin shrugged, glancing back at the door. “I mean, I’m happy with it if you are but I just want to make sure you’re thinking clearly and making the right decision, that’s all.”

“Maybe I’m not thinking clearly.” Connor stated bluntly, his eyes suddenly looking a little glassy.

Kevin wasn’t exactly sure where he was going with this. “Well, we still have some time. We can ask these guys to hold it for us until tomorrow and—“

“No.” Connor shook his head fiercely, looking like he was about to start crying all of a sudden. “No holding it, no waiting. We should just take it right now and be done with it.”

“What’s going on here?” Kevin softly questioned as he moved in closer to Connor to try and comfort him.

“I don’t know.” Connor started to shake slightly and leaned into Kevin. “All I know is that I don’t want to be in that apartment when Jeff gets home in ten days. I don’t want to be there—I can’t be there, Kevin. Not now, not after all this. We need to get out _now_ and this place is giving us a chance. We have to take it.”

A few tears started to roll down Connor’s cheeks. Realizing how crazy he probably seemed to Kevin, the redhead took in a deep breath and wiped at his eyes.

“Please, Kevin. Let’s just take this one and get the Hell out of that apartment, okay? We can always find a better place later on.” He paused for a moment and gazed deep into Kevin’s eyes. “Can you do this for me?”

Kevin nodded and leaned in, planting a sweet kiss onto one of Connor’s wet eyelids. Pulling back, he whispered softly. “I’d do anything for you. Now let’s go get it.”

The moment they handed the money over, it felt as though a gigantic weight had been lifted off of Connor’s shoulders. Relief began flooding through the redhead’s body at the thought. He was no longer Jeff’s prisoner. He had somewhere else to _go_ now. By tomorrow night, Jeff would no longer have that kind of stranglehold on him. He would be free. He would be with Kevin. And everything would be perfect.

 

* * *

 

When the pair got back to Jeff’s apartment around four o’clock, Connor headed right for the bedroom to undoubtedly change into some comfy pajamas, but Kevin stopped him, a giant grin on his face.

“Hold on.” Kevin softly called after Connor, gently pulling him back. “Change into something nice—we’re going out tonight.” Kevin asserted with what Connor thought to be a deliciously mischievous grin.

Connor’s eyes widened in surprise. “We are?”

“Yup and not for some lame freebie date either. I’m taking you out on a real, proper date tonight, Connor McKinley.” Kevin smiled warmly and stepped closer to Connor. “To celebrate the new apartment and everything.”

Connor gasped excitedly as his eyes lit up like twinkling blue stars and, God, were they beautiful.

“Are you sure we have enough money left over? I thought we used everything we had on the apartment?”

“Well, I might’ve stashed a little extra away, just in case.” Kevin admitted softly, moving to give Connor a quick peck on the cheek, causing the smaller man’s face to flush.

“Now go get changed, we have a lot to do tonight and we leave in ten minutes!” Kevin instructed with a giant grin.

“And you’re not gonna tell me what we’re doing, I’m guessing?” Connor asked teasingly. Kevin sure did love the surprises and, secretly, Connor loved being surprised.

“Nope.” Kevin grinned. “Now hop to it!”

Connor practically skipped in delight as he ran into the bedroom to change.

After Connor disappeared into the bedroom, Kevin immediately opened his laptop and quickly bought last minute tickets to that night’s eight pm showing of _Wicked_. They weren’t the best seats in the house, but they weren’t terrible either and at one hundred dollars each, they didn’t break the bank _too_ badly. That would leave Kevin with two hundred more dollars leftover to spend on a somewhat nice dinner and ice skating around the big Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center. Luckily for Kevin, the theatre was only a few blocks away from there. Everything seemed to be working out exactly as planned. Grinning wildly, he printed out their tickets and impatiently waited for Connor to finish getting ready.

 

* * *

 

Their first stop was dinner. Kevin brought Connor to a quaint little Italian restaurant on 50th Street near Rockefeller Center. It was a tad pricey, for Kevin’s budget at least—Jeff probably would have thought it was drivel—, but at least it would still leave them with plenty of money left to go ice skating with and buy drinks at the show. The pair shared big plates of linguini and chicken parm and had a glass of red wine each. They talked quietly together, Kevin learning a few new things about Connor McKinley that had somehow never come up before when they were just friends. They shared a bowl of mint chocolate gelato for dessert and left the restaurant with plenty of time left to spare before they had to be at the theatre.

“Where are we going?” Connor asked quizzically as Kevin led him by the arm towards the big tree.

“Well, it’s the middle of December, we’re on 50th street, and I’m trying to be romantic. Where do you think I’m taking you?” Kevin gently teased as they rounded the corner.

Connor’s eyes lit up with a sparkle. “The big tree?”

 “Bingo!”

Connor giggled in delight. “I love the big tree! Do you like ice skating? I love it. It’s kind of like dancing, but, you know, on ice skates. My aunt used to take me to the big rink in Provo when I was little and we always used to…”

Connor chattered on and on, absolutely elated about everything—Kevin, dinner, ice skating, _life_. They would soon have a new apartment to call home. They had good food in their bellies. They had each other. They had love. And that was all they needed, really.

 

* * *

 

Ice skating turned out to be a bit challenging for Kevin, who had only ever ice skated once and it was back in Utah when he was only eight years old. Connor, on the other hand, clearly knew what he was doing—he could even backwards skate a little. He took Kevin by the hands and the two slowly skated around the rink to familiar Christmas tunes, Connor skating backwards and Kevin forwards. Kevin fell on his butt a few times, much to Connor’s pleasure and Kevin’s chagrin, but, all in all, it was delightful and sweet and just as romantic as Kevin hoped it would be.

As they wandered around the area after ice skating, Kevin subtly led Connor in the direction of the theatre without him realizing. As they passed by the Gershwin Theatre on 51st Street a few minutes later, Connor was utterly confused as to why Kevin suddenly pulled him off the sidewalk and into the line of people waiting to get into the theatre.

Connor scrunched his face up in confusion as he shook his head. “What on Earth are we doing?”

“I don’t know about you, but _I’m_ seeing _Wicked_ in thirty minutes.” Kevin replied with a knowing smirk.

Connor gasped in awe, Kevin’s sly smile completely revealing the surprise.

“Oh my gosh, Kevin, you didn’t!” Connor practically squealed in elation, jumping up and down a bit. “You got us tickets to _Wicked_?”

“I did.” Kevin beamed and reached out to grab Connor by the hips, pulling him in closer.

“How?” Connor was shocked. Elated, but shocked.

“Like a ninja, while you were getting ready before. I figured since it’s been out for a long time there should be a few last minute tickets left and I was right! See, sometimes I know things.” He playfully stuck his tongue out at Connor, a cocky grin on his face.

Connor laughed before leaning into Kevin’s warmth, resting his head onto the other man’s chest. “I never said you didn’t.”

“You told me this one would be the perfect show for a Broadway first timer like me, remember?” Kevin reminded Connor before resting his cheek atop the other man’s head, the softness of the pom-pom hat brushing against his skin.

Kevin’s hands moved from clutching Connor’s hips to snaking up the redhead’s back, gently moving his hands up and down in a calming motion. He was slowly, but surely, starting to touch Connor more. He knew Connor wanted to take things slowly—physically, at least—and he was fine with that, but he ached to show him all of the affection he had inside of him and was learning to let it out in little ways that weren’t overly forward. He knew they’d get there eventually and he was more than fine with waiting. He just wanted Connor to be happy. That was all that mattered now, that Connor was happy.

Kevin closed his eyes for a moment or two, taking in a deep breath, squeezing Connor tightly. All of their apartment stress was finally over and it felt as though they had the rest of their lives to look forward to now. Kevin felt relieved, anxious, scared, and content all at the same time. He pulled Connor into him closer, and they quietly stood together, huddled close like that, until the moving line forced them to separate, if only briefly.

Of course, Connor had already seen _Wicked_ a bunch of times since moving to the city several years prior, but never had he gotten the chance to accompany someone to their first ever Broadway show and especially not someone he loved the way he loved Kevin. Needless to say, Connor was exuding enough excitement for the both of them that evening.

As they sat in their seats waiting for the show to start, Connor yapped on and on about the cast, the production of the show and how he knew Kevin was just going to _love it_. The sound of Connor’s voice when he was that happy was enough to melt Kevin’s heart and he was completely content to just sit there and listen as the redhead went on and on. He just wished he could always make Connor that happy, as happy as he was right in that moment.

A waitress soon came around selling drinks and Connor and Kevin each got a double mixed drink in a souvenir cup called “Elphaba’s Wicked Elixir”.

“Mmmm.” Connor enthused as he took a big sip of the green, strawberry flavored drink. “Wow, this is _way_ too yummy to be alcoholic.”

He went back for another sip when Kevin gently brought it down away from his lips.

“Go easy, Con. Remember what happened last time?” Kevin warned with an amused smirk on his face.

“Hey, that was just a one-time thing.” Connor retorted.

“Lightweight.” Kevin teased as he took a sip of his own drink.

The lights soon dimmed and everyone hushed quiet as the opening music began to play.

Kevin spent most of Act I in complete and utter awe at the spectacle going on in front of them. The redhead was trying hard to concentrate on the show itself, but found he couldn’t help but glance over at Kevin every so often—who’s eyes were wide and his mouth gaped open a little. His reaction made Connor chuckle inwardly and his heart skip a beat. By intermission, Kevin looked as though he was entirely blown away by the whole thing.

As the lights came back on, Kevin turned to face Connor. He was so impressed and moved by the show, he had trouble remembering how to string sentences together.

“Wow.”

“I’m guessing you liked it then?” Connor giggled.

“We really need to make more money so we can do this kind of thing _all_ the time.” Kevin gushed, taking Connor’s hand into his and giving it a squeeze. “That was crazy good.”

“Yesss!” Connor squealed, both from Kevin’s reaction and perhaps maybe he _did_ drink that double Wicked Elixir a tad bit too fast after all. “Are you totally bit by the theatre bug now?”

Kevin nodded with a laugh and spent a moment gazing into Connor’s eyes. They were all twinkly and happy and slightly glazed over from the drink Kevin guessed the redhead drank too fast despite his earlier warning.

Kevin’s mouth curled into a soft smile. “And you—you know how to do _all_ of that, Connor. You know how to do all of that just as good as any of those amazing people up there. I know you do.”

The sweet, albeit slightly naïve, compliment made Connor blush and look down at his lap. “You know I’ve never been on Broadway, Kevin. Off-off Broadway, yes, but never Broadway.”

“Maybe not yet, but you _could_ be, Connor. I just know you could be.” The brunette insisted.

Kevin silently recalled the conversation they’d had a couple of weeks prior, when Connor admitted he had given up on his lifelong dream of being a performer after Jeff told him they needed to “reevaluate their priorities”. Kevin knew that was all such bullshit. Jeff just didn’t like that Connor was busy all day working at the coffeehouse and then going on auditions. He most certainly did not like the fact that Connor would have to work nights if he landed a show. Jeff was such a controlling asshole, Kevin thought to himself. Well, Jeff couldn’t control Connor anymore. He was free now to make his own decisions and Kevin truly hoped that also meant picking up on his dreams right where he’d left off.

“Wanna get another drink?” Connor asked hopefully as he stood up. “I promise I’ll drink it slower this time.”

As they sat back down with fresh drinks, Kevin leaned in close to Connor’s ear and whispered. “It’s totally up to you, but I really think you should start trying again. Auditioning, I mean.”

Connor looked down at his lap and gave a small shrug. “I’ll, um—I’ll think about it. Now that I don’t need to worry about Jeff anymore, I guess it couldn’t hurt to at least _try_ again…right?” He looked back up at Kevin hopefully, almost as if asking for approval.

“My mom used to always say, ‘it’s not a sin to fail, it’s a sin not to try’.” Kevin offered, taking Connor’s hand into his and giving it a light squeeze.

“Your mom sure sounds nice.” Connor mused thoughtfully with a sigh. “The only advice my dad ever gave me was ‘people are gonna think you’re gay doing all that stupid dance stuff’.” He let out a pained laugh at that. “He was such an asshole, honestly.”

Kevin nearly spit out his drink at that. “Okay, I have _never_ heard you curse before. Not even back in Uganda when we all thought it would be super cool to start cursing all the time because to heck with rules.”

“Well, my dad was _really_ mean, Kevin.” Connor blushed a light shade of pink and looked down at his lap with a shy smile. “And maybe I am...drinking a little too fast.”

Kevin chuckled and took a sip of his own drink. “Well, I don’t care what your dad thinks. I remember seeing you on stage a few years ago and I thought you were amazing, Connor. And I’m not just saying that because I’m crazy about you either.”

Connor gave a self-deprecating shrug as the lights began to dim. “Shhh, it’s starting again!” He whispered excitedly to Kevin.

As the lights dimmed and eventually went out, Kevin leaned over to give Connor a quick peck on the cheek, but instead of letting him do so, Connor turned and unexpectedly grabbed the collar of Kevin’s shirt, pulling him down into a deep kiss—the feeling of their lips crashing together, electrifying. An unidentifiable, guttural sound involuntarily escaped Kevin’s throat as he felt Connor’s lips unexpectedly press into his. It was sort of like a moan, but not really. It was more akin to a mixture of shock, pleasure and fear all rolled up into one. Kevin could feel his body instantly begin to heat up, his face suddenly flushed and every nerve ending, ignited.

Kevin wanted the kiss to last forever. He’d been aching to kiss Connor on the lips for a very long time now—years, in fact, if he was going to be completely honest with himself. Connor’s lips were incredibly warm and soft, just as he’d always imagined they would be. Everything about Connor was just so, so _soft_ and he could taste the lingering sweetness of strawberries and mint from their drinks as they kissed. Kevin would have given anything in his power to keep their lips locked together like that for the next hour or so, the show be damned.

All too soon, however, after a mere couple of seconds, Connor pulled back with a bright blush and sank back down into his own seat, his attention turning back towards the stage.

Kevin suddenly felt empty without Connor’s lips on his. The unexpected kiss had left Kevin slightly dumbfounded and he kept his gaze on Connor’s profile, now in awe of the sweet, beautiful redhead who sat next to him instead of the show. Connor turned around again to face Kevin, pointing excitedly towards the stage, and Kevin reluctantly obliged.

It took a few minutes for his heart to stop beating out of his chest and for his mind to switch concentration back to the show, but eventually it did and by the time they left the theatre after Act II had ended, Kevin would not stop babbling about how “awesome” and “incredible” it was.

The two boys were feeling so high on each other and on life from the fantastic show and the new apartment and their first real date and their first real kiss that they thought it would be a good idea to stop at a bar near the theatre and ingest even more liquor to celebrate.

 

* * *

 

At about two in the morning, Connor and Kevin finally made it home. They’d only had a couple of drinks at the bar they stopped in so they weren’t completely drunk or anything, but they were definitely feeling a pretty good buzz.

The moment they were inside the apartment, Connor pinned Kevin against the door and pressed their lips together, running all ten fingers through the other man’s hair. That was something Connor had always wanted to do—run his fingers through Kevin Price’s hair. It felt just as good as he’d always imagined it would feel—soft, silky, slightly damp. Connor rarely drank so it did not take much for his inhibitions to drop a few notches. Normally, he would not be pressing Kevin up against the door like this and running his fingers through his hair. But for some reason, through the haze of the alcohol and all of the feelings he felt for this man, it felt perfectly normal and right and wonderful. Besides, Kevin definitely wasn’t complaining. The brunette was eagerly accepting all of Connor’s urgent kisses, wrapping his arms tightly around the redhead, pulling him in as close as possible. Definitely not complaining at all.

After a few minutes of soft, yet passionate, kissing, Connor allowed his tongue to gently slip into Kevin’s mouth. He’d never really thought twice about French kissing before, but Kevin seemed to tense up at the action. He quickly got used to the sensation though and soon started to enjoy the feeling of Connor’s tongue grazing his own, exploring, wandering. Kevin let out a soft moan as Connor reached up and ran a tender hand up underneath Kevin’s shirt, letting his fingers graze the sensitive skin of his back.

“Connor…” Kevin whispered breathlessly as he pulled back from their heated kiss and gazed into his partner’s eyes. They looked glassy, but not in the tearful way, more like glassy in a very drunk and amorous kind of way. Kevin went to speak again, but found his brain couldn’t quite remember how to make words. The moment had been too strong, too all-encompassing, to remember something as ordinary as words.

“Wow”. That was all Kevin eventually managed to muster out in the disheveled and bewildered state he’d found himself in.

“Did I render you speechless?” Connor giggled and moved back to gaze at what he’d done to his perfect Kevin Price.

The brunette’s normally-flawless hair was completely mussed and splayed from Connor’s hands continuously running through it. He looked positively ragged. Connor thought Kevin looked adorably sexy like that—his hair messy and tousled, his cheeks warm and flushed pink with arousal, his eyes sort of afraid but also sort of pleading—in an innocent, sweet Kevin Price sort of way. Connor could spend the next millennia staring at Kevin this way and never tire of it.

“You are definitely the most gorgeous boy I’ve ever made out with.” Connor tipsily complimented Kevin before letting out a loud and unexpected hiccup. Embarrassed, the redhead immediately giggled and moved to cover his mouth. “Oops.”

Kevin just grinned. “You are very drunk, Connor McKinley.”

“I’m the only Connor here, you don’t have to call me by my full name, silly pants.” Connor chided him with another hiccup and a playful smack.

“I happen to like calling you Connor McKinley, Connor McKinley.” Kevin retorted as he leaned in and flirtatiously pulled on Connor’s hips, bringing the redhead back into his warmth. Kevin leaned in close and whispered into his ear. “But you are definitely very drunk. We should probably get you to bed.”

Connor giggled shyly and pulled his head back to look deep into Kevin’s eyes. “Yeah?”

Blushing profusely, Kevin shook his head. “No, I didn’t—I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Your pants say otherwise, mister.” Connor teased in a slightly slurred voice, grin on his face, before pulling back and giving Kevin a look with knowing eyes.

His face bright red from embarrassment, Kevin instantly tried to pull his shirt down over his zipper to try and cover up the bulge that had been growing in his pants ever since Connor had pressed him into the door earlier and kissed him. “Sorry.” He looked down at the ground in shame.

“Why are you sorry, silly?” Connor cooed and lifted Kevin’s chin up before leaning in so their foreheads rested against each other.

“Because you told me you didn’t want to do… _that_ …yet”, Kevin swallowed hard, “…not until you left Jeff and moved out. I don’t mind waiting as long as you need.”

“So you think I should still be loyal to Jeff then? Even after everything he did to me?” Connor asked sadly in a small voice.

“No, I don’t.” Kevin shook his head adamantly. Pausing for a moment, Kevin took Connor’s hand into his and led him over to the couch so they could sit down. “I think he’s the scum of the Earth, Connor. Anyone who would do those terrible things to you has to be the scum of the Earth. You don’t owe him anything.”

Connor’s face softened. “Okay, so there’s nothing morally wrong with any of this then, right?”

Kevin swallowed hard and shook his head. “No.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“I guess I’m just a little nervous, that’s all.” Kevin averted his eyes away from Connor’s and looked down at his lap. “Can I tell you something? Promise you won’t laugh at me or think I’m super lame.”

“I promise.” Connor assured, leaning in to give Kevin a small peck on the cheek. “What is it?”

Kevin nervously rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, I’ve, um—I’ve only had sex with like two other people before and I only did it a couple times with each of them, so I’ve really only done it like four times.” He let out a sad sigh. “And I guess I’m just a little worried I won’t be very good…for you, I mean. And I, um, I’ve never done it with someone I cared about as much as I care about you, ya know? I want our first time to be sweet and amazing and perfect because that’s what you deserve and I’m just really nervous that I might not be good enough, that’s all.” Kevin let out a deep breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding before closing his eyes. He covered his face in his hands and shook his head in disgust. “God, I am such a pathetic loser.”

“I love you.” Connor replied simply in a soft whisper. He hadn’t really intended to say those words, not yet anyway, but they just sort of slipped out.

Kevin lifted his head out of his hands and gazed at Connor for a moment in surprise. Kevin had already admitted to Connor that he loved him over a week ago, but he thought it would take Connor longer to get there, considering everything he’d been through.

“I love you too.” Kevin whispered softly before half-smiling, biting his lip. “So you don’t think I’m a total loser then?”

Connor shook his head, his mouth curling up into a grin as he wrapped his arms around Kevin, giving him a squeeze. “I may be a little drunk right now, but I know for a fact that you are not a loser, Kevin Price.”

“You don’t have to call me Kevin Price, I’m the only Kevin here.” He teased.

After a few moments of quietly gazing at one another, Kevin leaned in and pressed his lips against Connor’s, unable to handle any more talking or words. Words no longer made any sense to him. All he ached for now was Connor’s delicate fingers running through his hair and his soft lips against his own and the sweet, tantalizing sounds of encouragement Connor would let out whenever Kevin grazed the skin of the redhead’s neck with his lips.

After a few minutes of kissing on the couch, Kevin reluctantly pulled back before shakily taking Connor’s hand into his and leading him into the bedroom. Kevin sat Connor down on the edge of the bed and leaned over him to resume their soft kissing. A quiet, barely audible moan escaped Connor’s lips as Kevin trailed his fingers down the front of his shirt and slowly undid the first few buttons. One by one, Connor felt the buttons pop off until finally they were all undone.

As Kevin slowly slid the shirt off his shoulders and the slightly chilly air nipped at his skin, Connor suddenly felt a wave of uneasiness wash over him. He wasn’t quite sure what it was or why he felt it, but it was strong enough to make him freeze and pull back slightly.

Kevin could feel Connor tense up and pulled back from their kiss to make sure he was still okay.

Kevin’s happy, flushed face turned worried after he got a good, long look at Connor. His partner looked uneasy and confused. “Hey, what’s wrong? Don’t tell me I messed it up already.” Kevin softly joked with a small smile.

Connor let out a small laugh and shook his head. “You could never mess it up, Kevin.”

“You say that now.” Kevin smirked before letting his face soften again. “But really, what’s wrong?”

Connor swallowed hard and shook his head. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m just a little nervous. I’m sure it’ll pass.”

Kevin sat down next to Connor on the bed and bent down to plant a soft kiss onto his partner’s bare shoulder. “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, Con. It’s late and we drank too much anyway. It’s really okay if you want to just go to bed.”

“No!” Connor chirped and shook his head adamantly, suddenly snapping back to reality. “I want to, Kevin, I really want to, please. I’ve wanted this for so long. I’m sorry I got weird. Can we keep going? Please?”

Kevin gave Connor a crooked smile and leaned back in to resume their soft kissing. Kevin’s lips were so tender and caring and perfect. His gentle caresses sent tiny little electric currents bounding through Connor's body, every touch feeling soft and purposeful and chosen.

Connor had almost forgotten how all of this was _supposed_ to feel. Even before the abuse started, Jeff had never been very loving towards him during sex. At first, Connor tried to get used to it. He kept on telling himself that Jeff was only impatient and rough with him because he found Connor to be so irresistible. The idea made Connor feel sexy and wanted—for a little while, at least. He even sort of enjoyed it at first, once in a while anyway, as long as he was able to tune out all the dirty talk and told himself it would eventually get better. Eventually, Connor assured himself, Jeff would calm down and learn what Connor liked and didn’t like. But, the longer they stayed together, the quicker and rougher it became to the point where Connor didn’t even feel as though they were even having sex anymore, but rather Jeff was simply using his body to get himself off. It made Connor feel so worthless and cheap and dirty. It was then that he stopped equating sex with something pleasant and just began to dread it.

Connor knew Kevin would never do that. He knew Kevin wanted to have sex with him because he loved him and wanted to be close and intimate with him and make him happy. Connor knew that, but he still just couldn’t shake the underlying fear that at any minute, he’d be forced to roll over and take a brutal pounding without any warning. He knew it was illogical to think Kevin would ever do that to him and he tried his hardest not to think about it.

Connor had finally mustered up enough courage to undo the buttons on Kevin’s shirt and he slowly slid it off the brunette’s shoulders. Connor was laying on the bed, head propped up on a pillow with Kevin leaning over him, kissing his partner passionately.

Connor tried to concentrate on how being with _Kevin_ felt—the softness of his lips, the quiet moans escaping his throat, the slow, gentle way he ran his fingers through Connor’s hair as though it was the most important thing in the universe, sending butterflies down to the redhead’s tummy in flurries. Kevin was absolutely nothing like Jeff. Not at all. Connor kept reminding himself of that whenever Kevin’s hands wandered over his bare skin, exploring, teasing, as they were supposed to do. Still, every time Kevin’s hands wandered anywhere near Connor’s lower half, a sharp breath would hitch in his throat and his body would turn cold and he’d feel the prickle of goosebumps invade his skin. The odd noises Connor made every so often were most likely being mistaken for sounds of pleasure, with Kevin not really noticing too much.

_You’re not with Jeff. You’re with Kevin—sweet, soft Kevin who loves you and would never hurt you. He’d never hurt—_

Connor’s breath suddenly hitched loudly as he felt Kevin run a slow, teasing hand over the bulge in his pants.

_You’re not with Jeff. You’re not with Jeff._

It was all over once Connor heard the belt buckle open. Kevin was laying on top of him, kissing him softly. He was slowly carding his fingers through Connor's hair with one hand and teasingly running his fingers along his partner's bare chest with the other. Kevin had read in a bunch of articles that the more you touch a person all over, everywhere except where they ache to be touched most, it makes the experience of finally being touched there all the more enjoyable. So he was taking his time with Connor because he wanted it to be the most enjoyable feeling he’d ever felt by the time he made his way down there. Finally, Kevin moved a nervous, trembling hand over Connor’s bulge, caressing his manhood through his khakis, before reaching up to unclasp the belt buckle. Something in Connor snapped at the sound and he let out a sharp cry. 

Kevin wasn’t quite sure he’d heard that right, so he pulled back to check on his partner—his sweet, wonderful Connor McKinley.

Kevin’s heart dropped to his stomach with a thud once he finally got a good look at Connor’s face. The redhead looked ill. His face was completely drained of color and he looked absolutely petrified. His eyes were glazed over still, but this time they had a sad, tearful look about them. None of this was making any sense to Kevin. He was trying so hard to do everything exactly right. He couldn’t even begin to understand where it had gone wrong.

Kevin immediately retracted his hand from Connor’s pants and leaned in to caress his face instead.

“Hey.” Kevin cooed gently as he stroked his partner’s face. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”

Connor closed his eyes and nodded, letting out a strained breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “I’m sorry. We can keep going, Kevin. I’m fine, really. Come ‘ere.” He reached up to pull Kevin back down, but his partner gently stopped him.

“You look _green_.” Kevin gasped slightly, a lone tear rolling down his face now.

“I do?” Connor swallowed hard and tensed up at the realization that his emotions were openly exposed.

“You look _so_ scared, Connor.” Kevin choked out in a shocked whisper. “I’m not sure what I did wrong, where I messed up, but I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Kevin sniffled for a moment and rolled over next to Connor, hiding his face in the crook between his partner’s shoulder and neck. “I told you I wasn’t any good at this.” He mumbled sadly into Connor’s neck, his tears leaking out onto his partner’s bare skin. “You didn’t believe me.”

“Gosh, you are so stupid sometimes, Kevin Price.” Connor sighed and turned around slightly so he was looking down at Kevin. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I love you...so much.”

Kevin blinked back fresh tears. “Then why do you look absolutely petrified? Did I go too fast? I did, didn’t I? I was trying so hard to go nice and slow. Dammit.” He let out a frustrated sigh and shook his head. “If you tell me what I did wrong, I can fix it for next time, I promise.”

Connor sniffled and gave Kevin small smile before reaching down to brush back a few pieces of stray hair that were hanging over Kevin’s forehead. “You really are an idiot, you know that?”

Kevin’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

Connor swallowed hard and bent down to place a soft, wet kiss onto Kevin’s pouty lips. Pulling back, he spoke in a barely audible whisper. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Kevin. You didn’t go too fast. You’re the sweetest, kindest person I’ve ever been with and I loved the way you were touching me—so soft and sweet and sexy and wonderful. You went nice and slow and it was perfect. You didn’t do anything wrong at all. Not even once. Okay?”

Kevin looked up into Connor’s eyes and sniffled. “Then what’s the matter? And don’t give me that crap about you being fine because I know you’re not.”

“You’re right, I’m not.” Connor admitted after a few moments of quiet, a tear dripping down his face. “To be honest, I was so surprised earlier when I realized I actually _wanted_ to have sex. I couldn’t believe it. It’s been so long since I’ve felt…like that.” He blushed and looked away from Kevin’s eyes for a moment. “But whenever you touch me, I get that feeling. I honestly didn’t think I’d ever feel that way again. It was like…such a distant memory for me. But with you, I actually want to have sex again. I haven’t wanted to in so long.”

Kevin sniffled, confused at Connor’s admission. “I’m a little confused. Why is it so surprising that you want to have sex with me? We are together, right?”

Connor was quiet for a moment before shrugging. His voice was unsure, timid. "Because of Jeff, Kevin. Because of what he’s done to me. Whenever Jeff and I had sex, he’d barely even touch me. It was always just about him. He’d use my body to get himself off, but he’d never touch me like you’re supposed to—not like you do.” He gave Kevin a soft smile. “After a while, I just didn’t have any desire to do it any more. It wasn’t fun, it didn’t feel good. Sex became this huge chore that I just wanted to get over with as soon as possible. But tonight, when we kissed, when you held me close and—” Connor’s voice hitched in his throat suddenly and he felt himself crying again, sniffling in and letting out whimpers. “I—I’m sorry.”

“Connor…” Kevin lamented softly, reaching out to pull Connor in close to him. He wasn’t sure what to say. All he wanted to do was make it all go away, make it better, but he didn’t know how to make any of this better. He did know he’d murder Jeff if he ever so much as saw him again.

“I’m not saying any of this to get pity, Kevin.” Connor clarified tersely. “Just listen, okay?”

Kevin nodded sadly. “Okay.”

“I just want you to know the truth, that’s all. If we’re going to be together, we should be completely honest with each other from now on, right?” Connor asked in a hopeful tone.

Kevin nodded slowly, his eyes glassy from unshed tears, and let Connor go on.

“After a while, Jeff stopped asking me if I wanted to have sex and just started doing it to me anyway…whether I wanted to or not. I’d tell him I just don’t feel up to it and he’d either keep begging me to do it until I finally just said yes to shut him up or he’d just…make me do it anyway.” Connor swallowed hard and rested his head onto Kevin’s forehead so he wouldn’t need to look into his eyes any more. It hurt too much. All of this hurt too much.

Kevin’s eyes widened in shock, his entire body suddenly boiling over with rage. “ _Make_ you?”

Connor nodded slowly, burying his body closer to Kevin for comfort. “He’d come home after a night of drinking with his friends and force me to do it whether I wanted to or not. It didn’t matter if it was three in the morning or if I was sound asleep. If he wanted it, he got it. Those were the worst nights. He didn’t care how I felt or what I wanted. If he wanted to do it, he was going to do it, no matter what I said.”

Connor could feel Kevin’s arms grip him a little tighter now, trying to make him feel better no doubt. Kevin was always trying to make everything better.

“I had a constant pain…down in my, um, well you know, because of it. It would last for days, the pain. As soon as it would start to let up, he’d just do it to me all over again…and again and again. After a while, I couldn’t even remember what sex was supposed to feel like. I knew I had enjoyed it before, sure, but it had been so long that I really just forgot what it felt like. Until tonight, that is…and we didn’t even make it to having sex. But for the first time in a really long time, at least I knew I _wanted_ to. I wanted to and it was all because of you, Kevin. Because I love you so much and I know you love me too and I’ve wanted to do this ever since the day I first met you when we were nineteen years old…but now…now I’m all broken and it’s going to take me some time, okay? I thought I was ready, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t.” Connor let out a loud sob. “I’m sorry I’m broken, Kevin. I’m sorry…”

Kevin sat up a little and brought Connor down into his chest, cradling him. “Shhhh.” He ran tender hands up and down his bare back, trying to make soothing noises to calm his partner down. “Shhhh, it’s all gonna be okay, sweetie. It’s okay. Shhh. It’s okay. Everything’s okay.”

“You deserve…” Connor choked out through sobs. “…so much more than this.”

“I don’t want ‘so much more’. I want _you_ , Connor. All of you. Including this.” Kevin whispered softly into Connor’s ear. He pulled back slightly so he could look into the redhead’s teary eyes. “I love you so much. I want you to know how much I really do love you, Connor. And everything is going to be okay, I promise.”

Kevin’s soothing words and strong arms wrapped around his waist eased some of Connor’s tremors and hard breaths. Connor sobbed quietly into Kevin’s chest for a long time after that though. Kevin wasn’t sure what time Connor finally fell asleep, but at some point the small boy in his arms, his little spoon, had begun to finally breath slower, in and out, and the hiccups and sharp breaths finally ceased. Kevin stayed awake for hours afterwards, just holding Connor close, thinking. He just wanted to fix all of the bad that had ever happened to Connor McKinley, but he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to.

He wished he could travel back in time to when they were missionaries in Uganda and were just a tender nineteen years of age. If he could, he’d saunter right up to Connor McKinley one morning at breakfast and just lay a big kiss right on his lips. If he had done that years before, maybe Connor would never have gotten so unbelievably hurt and battered and maybe there wouldn’t have been any Jeff or bruises or unthinkable pain.

Kevin sobbed quietly into Connor's soft red hair long after the latter boy had fallen asleep, hoping, praying that he’d be enough to undo all of the pain and suffering the sweet, amazing person in his arms was going through.

One thing was for sure—no matter what, Kevin Price wasn’t going anywhere.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Few notes:
> 
> \- Be sure to read all of Chapter 7 before reading this one as most of this chapter won't make sense if you didn't  
> \- Not gonna lie...this chapter is pure happy fluff and stuff, but there will be one last hurdle to overcome in the last two chapters coming up.  
> \- There is a sweet sex scene at the end, but nothing too-too graphic
> 
> I have 3 more chapters and an epilogue left to go! Almost there. :)
> 
> Big sincere thank yous to all who have been reading, leaving kudos, and especially commenting on this fic. It really motivates me to continue knowing people are enjoying it. Bless all of you. xoxo.

As Connor groggily opened his eyes the next morning, the first thing he felt was a throbbing pain in his head.  _Great._  

This hangover wasn’t nearly as awful as the one he’d had the morning Jeff left on his business trip, but, gosh, did it still  _hurt_. Swinging his legs over the side of bed, he glanced at the alarm clock.  _Twelve noon_.

Connor’s stomach suddenly soured as he silently replayed the events of the night before in his head. Their date had been so perfect and amazing…up until Connor had a complete meltdown during their first attempt at having sex. He knew Kevin was going to be more than understanding about it and that everything would be probably be okay. Still, Connor just wished the night could have ended a bit differently, maybe with the two of them collapsing on top of each other in bed—sweaty, happy and sated—instead of with Connor falling asleep crying in Kevin’s arms.

Sighing sadly, Connor popped a couple Advil and trudged into the shower to wash up. He felt beyond gross from drinking the night before and all he wanted to do was wash all the ick off of himself before leaving the bedroom to face Kevin.

After showering and putting on his fuzzy blue bathrobe and pink cat slippers, Connor wandered out to the kitchen. He was immediately hit with the pleasant aroma of fresh brewed coffee and delicious food as he entered the kitchen. Kevin’s back was facing him, his front hunched over the stove, a giant iced black coffee next to him on the counter. He was so busy arranging their breakfast plates with chocolate chip pancakes, eggs, and bacon that he didn’t notice Connor enter the room.

A small smile tugged at Connor’s lips at the sight and in that moment a giant wave of relief washed over him like a warm blanket. He silently watched Kevin fix their breakfasts for a few moments longer until the brunette finally turned around and nearly dropped the plates of food on the floor when he saw Connor standing there, smiling knowingly.

“You scared me!” Kevin cried out with a grin as he set the plates down onto the table before moving to Connor and wrapping him up into a big, warm embrace. Closing his eyes, Kevin buried his face into Connor’s soft, ginger hair and took in a deep breath. “Mmmm…you smell all minty fresh.” He purred as he rubbed his nose into the tiny hairs above Connor’s ear, tickling his partner and making him giggle in delight. “How do you feel?”

“Hungover.” Connor lamented into Kevin’s shoulder with a small chuckle. “Really, really hungover. How about you?”

“I’ve been better.” Kevin whispered softly into Connor’s ear with a half-smile.

Pulling back, his eyes glassy and apologetic, Connor took Kevin’s hands into his and gave them a light squeeze.

“Kevin…I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry about last night. I don’t really know what happened. One minute, I was fine and then all of a sudden…something just snapped. I don’t know what else to say except I’m sorry and—and we’ll try again soon, I promise.” He paused for a second and searched Kevin’s brown eyes for any hint of anger or animosity, but found none. A slight sadness, yes, but no anger. “We’re still okay, right?”

Kevin’s face was soft and understanding. “Of course we’re okay, Connor. We’re always okay.” Kevin thumbed delicate little circles into the top of Connor's hand.

“Good.” The redhead sighed with relief, but he could see Kevin’s normally-bright eyes were tired and worn. His partner didn’t look as though he got a very good night’s sleep. “I—I really am sorry, Kevin. I hope you know that.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” Kevin assured with a small smile and squeezed Connor’s hands. “Nothing at all, you hear me?”

Connor nodded weakly and sat down to eat, Kevin placing a soft kiss atop his head. “Now eat some pancakes. It’ll make you feel better.”

“Thanks for making all this food. It looks delicious.” Connor paused for a moment before looking up at Kevin apologetically as his partner poured him a cup of coffee. “I really did have a wonderful time with you last night, you know. Dinner was delicious and the show was fantastic. Oh, and the ice skating was so fun! All of it was just…amazing, Kevin.  _You’re_  amazing.” Connor gushed as Kevin sat down next to him. “And I really am so sorry for not being able to—to, um—“

Kevin leaned in and placed a delicate finger over Connor’s lips, cutting him off. “I had a great time with you too, but please stop saying you’re sorry, okay? There’s nothing to be sorry for. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Connor nodded and fidgeted uncomfortably in his chair. “I just want to make sure you know you’re not the reason any of this happened. I’ve wanted to—to be with you—um, in that way, for so long now. What happened to me last night—it had nothing to do with you, Kevin. You were so careful and slow and gentle with me. You didn’t do anything wrong at all.” Connor’s eyes were pleading, none of the words he was saying seemed like enough to make Kevin fully understand. “I love you.”

“Shhh…I love you too.” Kevin whispered, leaning in to cup Connor’s cheek into his hand. “Now no more sorries, okay?”

Connor nodded, meaning it this time. “Okay.”

After they finished breakfast, the pair immediately started packing up their things. They were able to move into their new apartment that day and Connor didn’t want to spend one more night at Jeff’s that he didn’t have to. The sooner they got out of there, the better. Hungover or not, they were going to finish packing up and get the Hell out of there as fast as humanly possible.

They only had the one room to share in the new place which meant Connor would have to forgo some of his belongings. That was okay though. He didn’t really want to keep anything from his life with Jeff anyway. He was starting over fresh with Kevin and they would buy new things to fill their space with, together. Connor didn’t need to keep anything Jeff had ever given him.

Connor slowly slid the white gold engagement ring off of his finger and placed it atop Jeff’s desk, alongside the cracked cell phone his ex-fiancé was paying for and a short goodbye letter. In the brief note to Jeff, Connor let him know that he was sorry for breaking up with him this way and that he recognizes it might seem cold, but that he couldn’t bring himself to do it any other way because, to be honest, he was afraid. Connor explained to Jeff that they would not be getting married and that he had moved out of the apartment, for his own safety and well-being. Connor wished him all the best for the future and asked him to please seek professional help before getting into another relationship again.

A lone tear rolled down Connor’s cheek as he flicked the bedroom light off for the last time. He never wanted to set foot in that room again.

“Ready to go?” Kevin asked, giving Connor an encouraging pat on the back, as they stood by the door’s entranceway, clutching their suitcases.

Connor glanced around one more time at the expensive, pristine apartment, which on the surface looked so beautiful and inviting, but in truth was filled with countless nightmares and bad memories. Nodding to Kevin, he turned out the lights for the last time and locked the door behind them. Leaving his key under the mat, Connor walked out of the luxury high rise he’d once called home and out onto the street with Kevin Price, his partner and lifeboat, and promised himself he would never look back again.

 

* * *

 

Kevin and Connor were utterly exhausted by the time they finished unpacking all their stuff into their new place. Throughout the entire day, they kept having to run back out to the store to pick up missing items they’d somehow forgotten like a shower curtain for the little bathroom they had to themselves and a toothbrush holder, amongst other small necessities. Jeff’s bathroom was fish-themed, so Kevin and Connor opted for a seashell theme instead.

They didn’t have the right size sheets either. They had a full size bed in this new apartment and neither of them had sheets for a full size, so they had to run out and get a whole bedding set too. Connor had a blue bedding set with Jeff, so they opted for green.

Connor didn’t want there to be any reminders of Jeff in their new place.

The entire day was spent running around like crazy people, trying to get everything they needed, and by the time they were finished, it was nearly one in the morning and Kevin and Connor’s credit cards were nearly maxed out. It was worth it though—they had a new place to call home, together, and that was all that mattered.

“Oh my God.” Kevin let out a deep, exhausted sigh, falling backwards onto the bed with a loud thud. “I feel like I might actually die.”

“Don’t die the first night in our new place.” Connor teased as he finished tidying up his nightstand. “At least wait until we have the TV hooked up.”

“Very funny.” Kevin smirked and rolled over in the bed to face Connor. He watched the redhead carefully organize his nightstand just the way he wanted it.

“Why aren’t you in the bed with me?” Kevin softly pouted and patted the spot next to him. “Come ‘ere.” He murmured sleepily before letting out a quiet yawn.

The redhead chuckled lightly as he put the last of his medicines away in the drawer beneath his nightstand. “I’ll be right there, hold your horses.”

Kevin groaned in sleepy agony as he curled up in the bed, trying to get comfortable, clutching one of Connor’s stuffed teddy bears in his arms. Connor apparently had quite the collection of stuffed animals and had trouble parting with some of them. The bed wasn’t very large though, so they made a rule that only one stuffed animal could sleep in the bed with them and Mr. Bear won out. The rest were relegated to one of the shelves Kevin had built earlier in the day. Their room was slowly starting to look like home. It would take a few more shopping trips, but they were getting there.

Connor and Kevin still had not fully undressed in front of one another yet so Connor took his pajamas into the bathroom to change with a light blush. When he emerged, pajamas on and teeth freshly brushed, Kevin grinned at the adorable sight.

“Cute jammies, Con.” Kevin teased with a knowing smile. Everything about Connor was adorable and sexy and sweet and Kevin silently wondered how he’d gotten so impossibly lucky. He found himself wondering that quite often these days.

Connor looked down at his pajamas sheepishly. They were thick, oversized button down flannel pajamas that had little penguins, snowmen and polar bears all over them.

“What? It’s freezing in here and these are my warm winter ones.” Connor retorted with a smirk as he gingerly climbed into bed next to Kevin and pulled the covers over both of them. “They keep me nice and warm.”

Kevin wrapped an arm around Connor’s waist and pulled him in close. “Mmmm...”, he hummed softly into Connor’s ear. “I can keep you nice and warm too, ya know.”

Connor giggled and turned around to face Kevin so they were now gazing silently at one another, noses nearly touching, eyes twinkling happily. Connor’s heart swelled and he wondered how he’d gotten so impossibly lucky. He found himself wondering that quite often these days.

“We’re finally here.” The redhead exhaled happily in a soft whisper and allowed his hands to snake around Kevin’s waist, returning the embrace “I can’t believe it. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy about anything in my entire life, have you?”

Kevin reached up with a crooked smile, grazing the back of his hand along Connor’s pale cheek. “I’ve definitely never been happier in my entire life than I am right here with you, Con.” With that, he leaned in and pulled Connor close, pressing their lips together in a sweet, soft kiss. Pulling back after a moment with a yawn, Kevin hummed sleepily. “Mmm, but I am really tired. It’s sleepy time.” He leaned in and placed another peck onto his partner’s cheek. “Goodnight.” He whispered into Connor’s ear.

“Goodnight.” Connor whispered before rolling over onto his side. The redhead felt a warm sensation flood through his body as he felt Kevin snuggle up against his back, his arm resuming its snug position around Connor’s waist, holding him nice and tight. Connor felt so unbelievably safe whenever he was wrapped securely in Kevin’s arms. He couldn’t think of any other place in the entire world he’d rather be.

“I love you, Kevin.” Connor murmured in a soft whisper, reaching up to stroke the arm that was draped over his side. He silently hoped he’d never have to go back to a life without Kevin’s strong arm wrapped around him.

Kevin gave Connor a reassuring squeeze. “I love you too, Con. Goodnight.” He whispered into the redhead’s ear before leaning over to give him a peck on the cheek. “Sweet dreams.”

“Sweet dreams.” Connor replied before slowly drifting off to sleep with a small smile peeking out of his lips.

And for the first time in a long while, the redhead did have sweet dreams. He slept peacefully in their new apartment, bundled up in Kevin’s arms, with no nightmares or worries plaguing his dreams.

 

* * *

 

Later in the week, the pair went back to the park and built a companion for their kazoo-playing snowman. They shared another batch of hot cocoa and made snow angels on the ground. It was silly, sure—they both knew that—but Connor relished in it regardless, savoring each and every small moment he spent doing silly things with Kevin.

To Connor’s surprise, on their way out of the park that day, he felt his back suddenly get pelted with what felt like a swiftly thrown snowball.

 _Oh, no he didn’t_ , Connor thought as he spun back around.

Turning back around to face Kevin (who looked more than ready to have an all-out snowball fight), Connor couldn’t help but grin. Kevin had the most adorable sly smile on his face and another snowball at the ready in his hands.

Kevin’s big brown eyes glimmered bright and mischievous as he backed up a little. “What do you say, Con? Snowball fight?”

Connor shook his head, his eyes betraying the fact that he was all too soft for the man standing in front of him, holding a snowball in his hands, ready to peg him. “You are just too cute, Kevin Price. Much too cute.”

“ _Cute_?” Kevin asked in feigned horror. “I’m not supposed to look _cute_  right now, Connor. I’m supposed to look…menacing! Because at any minute, I could pelt you right in the face with this snowball! And don’t think I won’t do it, because I will!”

“Menacing? No.” Connor asked with a hint of amusement in his voice. “Adorable? Maybe.”

“Defend yourself!” Kevin shouted playfully through laughter as he circled around where Connor stood. “Unless you’re scared?”

Connor scoffed, his half-smile crooked in amusement. “I am  _not_ scared.”

“No? Prove it then.” Kevin playfully spat as he swiftly chucked a snowball at Connor’s midsection, causing the redhead to nearly keel over from both the velocity of the snowball and the laughter that was suddenly bursting out of him.

Giving in, the redhead bent down to roll his own snowball. He spent a few seconds packing it tightly so it’d be sure to throw nice and fast.

“You asked for it.” Connor warned as he expertly chucked a speedy snowball aimed right at Kevin’s chest. Kevin tried to dodge it by quickly jumping to the left, but it still smacked him right into his shoulder. Hard.

“Ow!” Kevin cried out as he got pummeled by the swift throw of the tightly-packed snowball, before straightening himself out. He paused, blushing slightly. “I mean…good one, Con.”

Connor giggled before bending down to roll another one. “Didn’t expect that, huh? I’m a lot stronger than I look.” And with that, he stuck his tongue out teasingly.

Kevin was unable to contain the gigantic grin that was overtaking his face. He knew Connor McKinley was a Hell of a lot stronger than most people gave him credit for—both inside and out.

Everything was working out exactly as it was supposed to, he thought to himself as he felt another snowball crash into his stomach. Upon hearing Connor’s spirited laugh, he laughed as well, and they played like that in the snow until darkness fell upon them. It was a good day. But then again, every day was a good day these days.

 

* * *

 

On their way home from the park, they stopped by a small, inexpensive diner that was nearby their new apartment for dinner. Connor and Kevin idly flipped through the menu, talking quietly and laughing every so often when their waiter finally came over. Bits of melting snow covered the table from their hats and gloves. Connor’s hair was messy from hat hair and Kevin thought it looked beautiful all fuzzy and splayed.

Upon laying his eyes on Connor, the rather flamboyant waiter's mouth gaped open in surprise. “Oh my gosh, Connor?!”

Connor’s eyes widened. “Hello...do I know you from somewhere?”

The man laughed and shook his head. “Um, yes! We worked together a while back. You’re Connor...Connor, um…god, I am  _so_ bad at names.” The man stammered, trying to remember Connor’s full name. “Connor McMurphy? No, that’s not it.”

“Connor McKinley.” He corrected the man with a chuckle, racking his brain to try and place the face with a name.

“Jeez, Connor, do you really not remember me?” The man asked with a small laugh after a minute of letting Connor try and figure it out.

Connor squinted at the man, trying with all his might to remember, but he recalled nothing.

“We were in  _A Christmas Carol_  together a few years ago, remember? At that weird barely-off-Broadway theatre on 53rd street, I forget the name.” The man grinned and laid a playful smack on Connor’s arm. “Come on, you _have_  to remember.”

Connor nodded happily. “Yes! Of course I remember doing that play! But I can’t place you for some reason.”

“Oh my  _God_ , Connor. Okay—you’ll remember this. The night we closed, after the show, you and I went back up to my dressing room, drank copious amounts of cheap champagne and made out on my couch. You have  _got_ to remember that.” He paused for a second and gave Connor a quick wink. “That was a good night.”

 _Marcus_.  _Marcus Wilby_. It suddenly all came back to Connor. It was about three years ago, right after he’d graduated college and started getting actual acting work. He remembered flirting with Marcus once and a while during rehearsals. He was cute and had a warm smile. Then on the night the show closed, Marcus and Connor drank too much champagne in his dressing room and ended up doing a whole lot more than just making out. An embarrassed blush crept its way onto Connor’s cheeks at the recollection.

“Oh my God, Marcus!” Connor exclaimed. “Gosh, it’s been so long! So sorry I didn’t recognize you. How are you these days?”

Kevin let the slight wave of jealousy at the making out comment pass over him and just smiled quietly at the reunion between the two actors.

Marcus gushed and smiled broadly. “I’m so good! Working here at the diner to make a little extra money, but I’m going to that big open call they’re having for the  _Wicked_  tour in a few days so crossing my fingers something comes of that.” He grinned and crossed his fingers excitedly.

Kevin’s ears perked up when he heard that. “Con, you should totally go to that! Open call…that means you don’t need an appointment, right?” He asked the pair with a quizzical look. “At least, I think it does?” He asked sheepishly, now not so sure if he got that right or not.

Connor nodded, giggling at Kevin’s sweet enthusiasm and reached out to take his partner’s hand into his. “Marcus, this is Kevin, my…uh, my…“, He paused for a second at the realization that they hadn’t really defined their relationship yet. “My, um…my boyfriend. I think?” He asked Kevin for validation before Kevin nodded, causing the redhead to smile and blush a little.

“Yeah, I’m Connor’s boyfriend.” Kevin confirmed as he reached out with a polite smile to shake Marcus’s hand. “Nice to meet you, Marcus.”

“Awww, that’s so awesome!” Marcus beamed excitedly at the pair before turning to Kevin. “I always knew Connor would nab a nice guy one day. He’s such a sweetheart and you two look so happy.”

Kevin and Connor glanced at one another and shared a knowing smile.

“Hey, so are you going to that open call or what?” Marcus continued, directing his question towards Connor. “I haven’t seen you around for the past couple years—are you still in the business or what’s going on with you?”

Connor cleared his throat and nodded. “Yeah, I, uh—I just took a little break, for a while, but I’m thinking about getting back into it now. Where’s the audition?”

Marcus scribbled down the date, time, and address on a napkin and handed it to Connor, Kevin grinning excitedly at the prospect, unable to contain his obvious enthusiasm about the open call. Marcus finally took their food order and left the table, leaving Connor and Kevin alone.

“This is so exciting!” Kevin let out a thrilled cry, holding Connor’s hands and gushing. “Imagine if you got into  _Wicked_? How amazing would that be?”

Connor nodded with a grin, but then his face turned slightly sad as he shrugged. “But it’s for the tour, Kev. That means I’d have to go around and travel to a bunch of places without you.” He looked down at his lap, shaking his head. “To be honest, I don’t think I could handle that right now.” He admitted softly.

Kevin leaned in, giving Connor’s hands a soft, reassuring squeeze. “I understand and you don’t have to take it if it’s not what you want, but I think you should at least try out, just to get your feet wet again. You need to get back in the game, Connor—start auditioning again and getting your face back out there. It’s what you love to do. It’s what you’ve always dreamed of doing and I hate that Jeff held you back for so long. I just hate it and I certainly don’t want to be the reason you don’t go to this audition. If you get the job, we can talk about it then, but you have to at least try, Con. You just have to.” He paused for a second, bringing Connor’s hands up to his lips and giving them a sweet kiss. “You can do this, Con. I know you can.”

“I’ll…I’ll think about it.” Connor agreed in a soft voice, placing the small piece of crumpled napkin into his pocket.

 

* * *

 

 A few days later, Kevin and Connor came trudging home after work with a Christmas tree in tow.

The other guys sharing the apartment didn’t really want a Christmas tree in the living room because there just wasn’t enough room and two of them were Jewish anyway. But Connor hadn’t gotten a Christmas tree since moving to New York years before and he just really wanted one this year. He was content and happy with Kevin and thought that having a night of decorating the tree would be fun and bring a sense of home into their new place. So he and Kevin went out to a tree lot after work and picked one up. It was a little on the small side, but it had to be if it was going to have any chance of fitting in their bedroom.

After they got it set up, pine needles were scattered everywhere all over the floor and the entire room smelled like a forest.

Connor made them big mugs of hot cocoa with peppermint sticks and the two decorated their Christmas tree with twinkling, multi-colored lights, cheap colored glass balls and garland they’d picked up from the dollar store. They laughed and sang Christmas songs together. It was perfect and sweet and beautiful and Connor couldn’t contain the feeling of warmth that swept through his body every once and a while, usually when Kevin, donning a silly Santa hat, would sing loudly and off-key while getting stabbed in the feet by the ferocious pine needles.

They finally had their TV set up now, so they put on the Yule Log which filled the room with a calm orange glow and sweet instrumental music. Coupled by the twinkling lights of the Christmas Tree, they didn’t really need the lights on so they shut them off so the entire room glowed radiant like a Christmas candle. They ordered pizza for dinner and lazily ate by the Yule Log on the TV. After they were done eating, they laid out a couple of blankets and pillows on the floor next to the tree so they could enjoy their glowing Christmas tree, admiring their handiwork, and peacefully watch the burning log on the TV.

“Mmmm.” Kevin purred into Connor’s ear after they were both snuggled close together, laying down beneath the tree and covered up in plush blankets. “This is nice.”

He looked down at his sweet Connor, who was cuddled up close to Kevin’s side, his head resting in the nook between Kevin’s shoulder and neck. His partner’s eyes were closed, but Kevin could see a small smile peeking out of his lips. Connor’s body felt warm and soft against his own and the slow, steady rhythm of his breathing had lulled Kevin into a peaceful calm.

“I love you.” Kevin whispered as he leaned over to nuzzle his face into the fuzzy red hairs that sat above Connor’s ear. “Like a lot-a lot.”

The redhead giggled quietly as he felt warmth welling up in his chest. Connor opened his eyes and pulled back a bit so his blue eyes could gaze into Kevin’s brown. “I love you, too.” He whispered back with a playful smile. “Like a lot-a lot.”

Kevin leaned back in and kissed Connor softly on the lips, letting his free hand card through Connor’s mussed red hair. His let his fingers dance gently over his partner’s scalp, moving them in tender little circles, sending butterflies in droves to Connor’s tummy. Between the glow of the tree and the yule log and the sweet smell of chocolate on Kevin’s lips from the cocoa and delicate piano music filling the air, Connor instantly melted underneath Kevin’s touch. Connor’s brain had blacked out, going all kinds of fuzzy and he felt as though he was drowning in all that was Kevin. Without thinking about it, he let his tongue slide into Kevin’s mouth, dancing over the brunette’s eager tongue and occasionally grazing his lips. He wasn’t thinking and he didn’t much need to. He felt safe with Kevin and everything was okay.

Whenever Connor’s tongue grazed over his own, it felt like magic to Kevin, whose body completely erupted in tingles each time it happened. He could feel Connor pressing into him now, the redhead’s hands tenderly stroking and caressing everywhere they could travel to on Kevin’s body. Kevin felt as though he had been ignited by a million little sparks and every time Connor’s hands moved up and down, underneath his shirt, grazing his bare skin, he felt the prickle of electricity bound through his body and down to his groin with an urgent pang.

Kevin didn’t want to pressure Connor into doing anything sexual though. It hadn’t been that long since Connor had to stop mid-way through their first attempt at having sex and he wanted to give his partner all the time he needed. Kevin still felt guilty and terrible about the whole ordeal that had taken place the other night. He knew, in his gut, that it wasn’t his fault. The only person that should have felt guilty was Jeff. All of Connor’s fears were because of Jeff’s brutish mis-use of Connor’s body for his own sick pleasure. Kevin knew that, but it still made his insides ache that Connor had gotten so frightened of him. All he had wanted was to make Connor feel good, make him happy, but instead Connor got scared and cried. The last thing Kevin wanted was for Connor to feel uncomfortable or scared. It would happen whenever it was meant to happen and Kevin was fine with that. All he wanted was for Connor to be happy. Everything else was secondary to that now.

Kevin couldn’t help but fall fast into Connor’s gentle, teasing touches though. He felt as though Connor’s body was a magnet and he couldn’t help but meld into him. The redhead had moved his hands up and underneath Kevin’s pajama top and was running slow, soft hands up and down the sensitive skin of his back. The sensation aroused Kevin everywhere each time he felt Connor’s fingertips teasing the skin of his back. Kevin knew his erection was out of control now and he could feel it pressing up against the cloth barrier of his pajama bottoms. But, no, they couldn’t do this. Not until Connor was ready.

Reluctantly, Kevin pulled back, gasping and out of breath, and looked into Connor’s eyes. They looked glassy again, but he saw no hint of sadness or trepidation. No, Connor’s eyes looked desirous, hungry and in love. The look Connor was giving him sent pleasant shivers down Kevin’s spine. But, no, they couldn’t do this tonight. Connor wasn’t ready.

“Hey, you.” Connor whispered and brought a hand up to brush the stray hairs out of Kevin’s eyes. Kevin felt a warm tingle prickle at his skin again. Connor’s touch was so soft and tender and loving and it just did  _something_  to him that he’d never felt with anyone else before.

Kevin gave his partner a crooked smile and spoke softly. “Hey.”

“Do you think you might want to, um, try again tonight? If you feel up to it, I mean.” Connor blushed lightly and stroked his partner’s cheek. “I think I might be ready now. I mean, only if you want to, that is.”

Kevin’s eyes were glassy now to match his partner’s. He felt the sensation of heat trickling through his body and all he wanted to do was wrap Connor up into his arms and make love to him. But he didn’t want to put any pressure on him to go faster than he was ready for.

“We really don’t need to do anything tonight. It’s okay if you need more time and I’m not trying to pressure you or anything. That’s the last thing I want. I only want to do it if you’re really ready, okay?” Kevin cooed, brushing a hand along Connor’s cheek. “There’s no pressure here. Not even a little.”

Connor’s face went soft at the thoughtful words. “You’re so sweet.” He reached up and cupped Kevin’s cheek in his hand. “But I, um—I don’t think I need any more time.”

Kevin felt goose bumps crop up over his skin in anticipation. “Are you sure? I'm happy just laying here with you and cuddling, really. We don’t need to do anything, not tonight.”

Connor smiled softly before finally just pulling Kevin’s face down into his, the brunette’s body now draped on top of him, leaning against his partner. Talking wasn’t getting them anywhere, Connor thought. He would show Kevin how ready he was. He wasn’t scared anymore. They weren’t in Jeff’s bed or Jeff’s room. They were in their own room where everything smelled like chocolate and Christmas and the lights twinkled orange and blue and pink.

“Oh…”, Kevin accidentally let out a soft moan into Connor’s mouth as his hardness accidentally rubbed against his partner’s thigh. Gaining composure once more, he pulled back with a gasp and asked again. “Are you really sure? We don’t need to do this.”

Connor looked up at Kevin with glazed eyes and nodded. “I’m more than sure, but um…there is one thing I kind of forgot.” The redhead blushed and looked down shyly. “We don’t have any, um…stuff for us to use, you know…like condoms or any, um, you know...”

“I have some.” Kevin cooed gently, cutting him off and leaning back down to place a soft kiss to his partner’s lips. He pulled back with a shy smile. “I thought we might try again so I went out and bought us some supplies the other day just in case.”

Connor’s eyes sparkled and with the lights of the Christmas tree bouncing off his pale, freckled skin, he looked like a twinkling rainbow of color. The air smelled sweet from the cocoa and musky from their sweat and despite their heater not really working as it should, the room felt unbelievably warm, cozy, and safe.

Kevin let Connor undo his own pants this time as to not trigger him again. He wanted everything to be perfect this time. Kevin whispered soft words of endearment into Connor’s ear as he nervously reached down and touched him for the first time—something that Jeff had never done for him before. Kevin’s hands were gentle and they moved with purpose and precision and he never went faster than Connor could handle. Finally, Kevin moved his lubricated fingers lower and fondled his partner’s opening, eventually sliding a lone finger inside, curling it up slightly after it was fully sheathed and gently stroking the sweet spot inside of him.

“Oh my God…Kevin.” Connor moaned loudly, his mind going numb and fuzzy again as he felt the all-encompassing sensation overtake his entire body.

“I love you.” Connor accidentally slipped out. Kevin immediately returned the sentiment into his ear with a soft murmur.

The last time a man had touched Connor like that was years ago, probably with Marcus. Jeff never bothered to touch him there and he’d almost forgotten how good it felt. After a while, Kevin slipped his finger out of his ragged, totally undone lover and readied himself at his entrance, checking in with him before slowly pushing his way inside for the first time. It felt tight and warm and he would have given anything to be able to start thrusting, but he refrained from doing so.

“Oh…oh, God…Kevin, oh my God.” Connor whimpered—this time from pleasure and not from pain—as he finally felt Kevin’s hardness slowly slide into him. Kevin let Connor’s body get used to the feeling of fullness and didn’t move for quite a long time, preferring instead to cover Connor’s face with soft, delicate kisses. Kevin moved his hand down to give Connor’s member gentle strokes, causing the redhead to let out loud, pleading moans. Not wanting to finish too early, Connor eventually lifted Kevin’s hand off his hardness and smiled sleepily up at his partner, his eyes glazed over.

“Kevin…” Connor begged after Kevin discontinued the stroking of his member. “You can move now, it's okay.” He added softly with a small, knowing smile. “I’m really okay.”

Kevin smiled shyly and began to slowly move in and out of Connor. He kept an eye on Connor’s face this time to make sure he was enjoying it. The redhead looked more than okay with his eyes closed, his brow sweaty, and his lips slightly parted. Connor pleaded with him to speed up and he obliged willingly, each time hitting the special spot inside of his partner, causing him to scream out loudly in pleasure. Kevin was sure the other guys in the apartment could hear them, but in that moment he didn’t really care. All he cared about was Connor. Connor was everything to him in that moment, with nothing else in the world existing but the two of them in their warm, cozy room meant for only one, but they filled it with their love and sweet caresses and hopes and dreams and loud cries of pleasure and it was perfect.

After they finished, Kevin collapsed on top of Connor—their breathing ragged and unsteady, their hearts practically beating out of their chests. They kissed lazily and giggled quietly, soft whispers the only thing they could hear, and they fell asleep like that under the warm glow of Christmas lights—sweaty, happy, and sated.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets a little intense at the end, but I promise the boys will be okay. :)
> 
> Also, sincere apologies to those following this story for the month-long delay in updating. There will still be 1 more chapter after this one, plus an epilogue that I am still working on. I just thought I might as well get Chapter 9 up for the time being. The plan was originally to post 9, 10, and the epilogue together, but I need more time for the rest.
> 
> I hope to finally post the ending soon (maybe this week / after Thanksgiving)! As always, please don't fret, I won't let the boys be unhappy for too long.

Connor opened his eyes the next morning and let out a loud, sleepy yawn. He slapped the phone that sat beside him, silencing the blaring alarm music that signaled it was now five-thirty in the morning and it was time to get up. It was a most ungodly hour, but they had the pleasure of working the early shift that morning.

Once the alarm was sufficiently snoozed, it took Connor a moment to adjust to his surroundings. Instead of waking up in their bed, he found himself laying on the floor, unclothed, next to the Christmas tree, which was still glowing brilliant in the dim light of dawn. He rolled over onto his side and couldn’t help but beam in contentment at the sight of a still-naked Kevin Price curled up in a ball beside him, hair wild and unkempt with one arm draped across Connor’s midsection. The blankets covered up most of Kevin’s middle with just his outer thigh and one long, tanned leg exposed, draped haphazardly over the covers. The temptation Connor felt to run his hands over the silken skin was almost too much.

Instead, he just closed his eyes with a happy, fulfilled sigh and snuggled deeper into the warm body beside him, nuzzling his face into the hair above Kevin’s ear.

“Mm…wakey uppy, Kev. It’s five-thirty.” Connor whispered softly into his boyfriend’s ear, snaking an arm under the covers, around Kevin’s waist. He let his fingers wander over the smooth skin they found there, caressing gently. Leaning in, he placed a delicate kiss to his partner’s ear, knowing it would tickle  _just_  a bit.

His amorous wake up call was met with nothing more than a mumbled groan. “Mmmm.” Kevin moaned and snuggled deeper into the blankets.

“Come on, sleepyhead.” Connor urged with a small giggle. “Time to get up.” He playfully mussed Kevin’s hair for good measure, eliciting another tired grumble from his groggy partner.

“Kev.” Connor repeated, more forcefully this time. “I’m not kidding; we have to get up now or we’ll be really late.”

Connor’s chatty persistence slowly woke Kevin up and, finally, the sleepy brunette opened his eyes with a whiney grunt and a head shake.

“No, mm-mm.” Kevin insisted with a childish pout. “Five more minutes.” He murmured, leaning into his partner’s chest and closing his eyes, draping his exposed leg over Connor’s.

“Not gonna happen, Kev. We have the early shift today, remember?” Connor reminded him, giving his bare shoulders a little shake. “I’m serious, get up.”

“M’tired.” He simply mumbled into Connor’s chest, quite adorably so.

Gazing down at Kevin, who looked so peaceful wrapped up in the sanctity of their soft blankets and their touching bare skin, Connor couldn’t help but feel just a little bit swayed to allow his partner to stay just like that, if only for a little while longer.

“Fine, you sleep while I shower. But then it’s your turn, mister.” He whispered playfully, coming to what he thought was a generous compromise.

As Connor moved to sit up, Kevin pulled him back down and mumbled groggily. “Five more minutes with you. Please?” He begged, wrapping his arms around Connor, locking him back into a prime snuggle position.

Connor let out a tired chuckle and reluctantly laid back down beside Kevin. “Fine, but  _just_  five minutes and not a minute more, you hear me?”

Kevin let out a small snore in response, his mind already retreating back to dreamland.

 

* * *

 

Needless to say, Kevin and Connor were over an hour late getting into work that morning. Kendra, their shift supervisor and Connor’s friend, snorted knowingly at the pair once they finally deigned to show up, shamefully skulking in. They both looked sleepy and rather ragged this morning with messy bedhead and rumpled clothing. Poor Connor even forgot his apron at home and had to ask Kendra for a spare. They’d overslept by at least an hour, thanks to Kevin, giving them no time to shower or properly fix themselves up.

“I’m pretty sure this is the first time you’ve ever been late to work, Connor McKinley.” Kendra playfully badgered the sulking redhead. Connor was leant up against the counter, groggily fixing himself an iced coffee while she searched under the counter for an extra apron. “And  _definitely_ the first time you’ve ever forgotten your apron. What gives?”

“I know, I know. I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again, I swear.” Connor shook his head as he took in the day’s very first sip of coffee. He closed his eyes for a moment, relishing in the gloriousness of that first sip. The first sip of the day was _always_  the most satisfying.

Coffee was good. He needed coffee. Kevin had already chugged down two shots of espresso the moment they got in and was already out on the floor, waiting on customers. It always took Connor a little while longer to get fully woken up. He preferred slowly savoring his morning coffee as opposed to just chugging it down. Yawning sleepily, he took in another long, fulfilling gulp of the heavenly black liquid.  _Thank God for coffee._ It was Kevin who had originally introduced Connor to coffee back in Uganda, not knowing it would end up causing a lifelong caffeine addiction for the both of them. Not that he was complaining or anything.

“Rough night?” Kendra asked gleefully with a pointed smile. She finally found a spare apron and held it out to Connor.

Connor snorted in amusement and roughly grabbed the apron. “No.”

His shy smile gave way to the fact that it was  _anything_ but a rough night.

Kendra cocked her head to the side curiously. “Oh, I see. So it was a  _good_ night, then, huh?” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Connor’s face blossomed into a deep red blush, instantly giving away his secret.

“Oh! It  _was_  a good night, wasn’t it?” Kendra gasped in delight, her face lighting up like a torch. “Wasn’t it?” She prodded further.

“Maybe.” Connor admitted softly, his cheeks flushed rosy pink as he tied back his apron with a hidden smile.

Kendra’s eyes widened, turning to excitedly point at Kevin, who was clear across the floor taking someone’s order. She silently gestured to the two of them with her hands. “ _You two_? Are you guys…?” She bounced up and down in place, her enthusiasm over this latest news, quite obvious.

Connor didn’t really want anyone to know about their relationship just yet, considering Jeff hadn’t even gotten back to the city, but the jig was pretty much up—with Kendra, at least. He never could get anything past her.

“Um…”, Connor started, his hesitancy and flushed cheeks giving away his secret once again.

Kendra practically squealed in delight. “Ooooh, you dog, Connor McKinley! Rawr!” She barked jokingly with a spirited laugh.

“Shhh!” Connor quieted her down before nodding in admission. “Yes, yes…we are, but keep your voice down, okay? I don’t really want anybody knowing yet.”

“Why on Earth  _not_?” She gasped, glancing back at Kevin. “If I were you, I’d be parading  _that_  one around like a gold trophy. I mean, just  _look_  at him. He’s…” Turning to Connor, she silently mouthed. “ _He’s so hot_.” Kendra wiggled her eyebrows again and Connor couldn’t help but erupt into shy giggles.

They were both laughing rather loudly now, stealing not-so-discreet glances over at the object of their teasing. Kevin looked highly confused, giving the two of them questioning looks from across the café. He had no idea why they kept staring at him and  _laughing_ , of all things. He looked down at his shirt—maybe he spilled something on it?—and attempted to smooth his hair back with his hand.

“ _What_?” Kevin finally mouthed in bewilderment, to which the two just responded with more giggles.

After they calmed down, Kendra gave Connor a more serious look. “Okay, wait, so what about Jeff? Is that still a thing? Are you double dipping or did you break up? What’s going on with that?”

 _Gosh, was she nosy_ , thought Connor.  _Lovely and fun, but so nosy_.

The redhead froze in place for just a moment, nearly dropping the espresso scoop he had been holding. He’d honestly been hoping to avoid the subject of Jeff altogether, but he knew Kendra would never let it go until she got a satisfactory answer.

“No, it’s, um, it’s actually not a thing.” Connor tried to shrug it off nonchalantly. “Not anymore, at least.”

Kendra nodded in understanding. “Oh, I see. Okay, well, that’s good to hear.”

“It is?” Connor asked in confusion.

“Yeah, it is. To be honest…Jeff was kind of an asshole, Connor.” She stated bluntly with a knowing look.

“No offense, but you barely knew him…how…how could you possibly know that?” He asked, surprised at Kendra’s accusation, though her assessment was spot-on.

“Every time he came in here, he was nasty to all of us and even nastier to  _you_ , of all people.” She paused for a second and let out a sad sigh. “None of us really liked him, Connor…we just didn’t say anything about it because…well, you two were together and it wasn’t really any of our business.”

Kendra noticed the slightest wave of embarrassment cross Connor’s face, but she went on. “You never seemed very happy with him. Not like you do  _now_ , anyway.” She smirked playfully at him.

Connor’s face went red at the comment, turning back to his work with a shy nod. He’d never felt all that comfortable talking about boys or sex or love with other people, but Kendra somehow always managed to coax it out of him.

Kendra stepped towards him, bridging the gap between herself and Connor. “Well, I, for one, think you’re so much better off with New Hottie Barista over there.” She pointed at Kevin. “He makes you smile a lot and smiling’s important. Remember that, okay?” She shook a stern finger at him. “Smiling. Is. Important.” She stressed. “If someone doesn’t make you smile, they don’t deserve you. Got it?”

“Got it.” He nodded, the two friends sharing a meaningful silence until Connor shrugged, a playful grin on his lips. “And, just you  _know_ , there is a heck of a lot more to Kevin Price than just his good looks, okay?”

“Oh yeah?” Kendra challenged, her eyes prodding him for more information. “Do tell.”

“Yes, there is.” Connor nodded happily, popping an overflowing espresso scoop into the machine. “He’s…” The redhead thought hard for a moment, head cocked to the side, one hand still wrapped around the handle of the scoop. “He’s unbelievably kind, even though he used to be kind of an ass, back when we were younger…but, like…a really  _loveable_  ass, you know? Someone you want to hate, but you just can’t.”

“Charming.”

“No, but he really is kind. So kind. He’s grown up a lot since then. And he’s very, um...very sweet…especially to me, he’s just so sweet…and funny…and  _crazy_  smart. Oh, and did I ever tell you how we met?” Connor asked excitedly, clearly wanting to tell Kendra how they met.

“Multiple times.”

“We went on our mission together when we were nineteen years old—I told you all about that, remember? Anyway, after we got shut down,  _he_  was the one who convinced us all to stay and help the village.” Connor remembered fondly, a nostalgic smile on his face. “We spent two whole years together. We were practically inseparable, but still…we never told each other how we felt. Being gay for a Mormon is kind of a big deal, you know…it’s really hard to deal with, especially when you’re that age. It’s frowned upon by the church and the idea of coming out to your family is…it’s terrifying. I guess we just weren’t ready for any of that yet. Especially not Kevin.”

“Mormons.” She rolled her eyes, shaking her head in disapproval.

Connor sighed wistfully. “I had  _such_ a horrible crush on him. I mean, it went on for years. But no matter how badly I wanted to be with him, it just…it just never happened. But now—now, here we are!” He continued on with a shy shrug, his face rosy. “Sometimes I still get scared that this might not actually be real or something. I mean, I can’t believe this is actually my _life_  now, you know? We’re together…we’re finally together…and we’re happy.” He beamed, shaking his head for a moment, still in shock at his amazing luck.

Kendra had to smile at that. It was just too darn cute.

He locked eyes with Kendra’s in a moment of seriousness. “I really think he might be… _the one_. I know that probably sounds really stupid, but it’s true.” 

“It doesn’t sound stupid at all.” Kendra assured with honesty. “I’m really happy for you, Connor. Hottie Barista is  _definitely_ an upgrade, no doubt about it.”

Connor snorted loudly at Kendra’s teasing. “Okay, can you _please_  stop calling him that? He has a  _name_ , you know. He’s a human…person…with feelings and a brain.”

“I’m sure he is.” Kendra whistled, giving Connor a playful wink before heading for the back to see what was going on. “Watch the register for me?” She called out to Connor as she disappeared behind the doors.

Connor laughed with a head shake as he took her station at the register. Luckily, nobody was waiting on line at the moment, so he allowed his eyes to absentmindedly wander out the window. Snow had begun to fall again that morning on their way in and there was nothing more calm and peaceful than sipping on the morning’s first cup of coffee and watching snowflakes fall lazily out the window.

That was when Connor’s heart stopped beating. It didn’t actually stop beating, but it sure felt that way to Connor. He felt all of the blood drain from his head as he gasped loudly, blinking a few times to make sure he was actually seeing what he thought he was seeing—what he’d hoped he’d never see again.

Jeff was standing outside the café, staring through the snowy glass window at Connor. He was clutching a suitcase in one hand, his eyebrows creased and cheeks a light crimson. Connor’s brain couldn’t process the sight quick enough and his eyes simply remained locked with Jeff’s for an indeterminate amount of time. How much time actually passed in those few moments that felt like forever, Connor would never know. All he knew was that he was frozen in place—in time. He couldn’t move a single muscle—his body numb,  _paralyzed_. All he wanted to do was look away from those cold, dark eyes and pretend as though he never saw them in the first place. But it was too late for that and his strength was lacking. When it came to Jeff, his strength was always lacking.

Once his brain finally caught up to what his eyes were seeing, Connor nervously glanced back to lay his eyes on Kevin. His partner was still busily tending to customers on the café floor, hair slightly mussed and apron lopsided. He seemed to be working on charming an elderly couple as he took their order. They looked like tourists. Kevin looked up from the table for a brief moment, locking eyes with Connor. The tired brunette gave his partner his warmest smile, the one reserved only for Connor, before turning his attention back to his customers, giving them an entirely different smile.

Connor felt a horrible tightness begin to form in his throat. He had such trouble breathing once it closed up like that. He’d felt this sensation many times before, most often whenever Jeff would yell at him over something ridiculous or they’d have a particularly awful fight. It was nearly impossible to breathe once his throat was this tight. Every breath was labored, painful. He gasped for air, tears burning like acid behind his eyes of blue and everything just felt as though it were closing in on itself.

He didn’t want to, he really didn’t, but he forced himself to glance back out the window. His eyes landed on Jeff, who was now sternly motioning for Connor to come outside.

That was when Connor’s body began to physically shake. He didn’t mean for it to happen. He never meant for it to happen, but he always found he just couldn’t control the autonomic response. Jeff would always tell him that he was just overreacting, that he got too emotional, like a child, but Connor knew he had no control over it. The tremors just overtook his body without asking consent.

Gaining enough composure to move his muscles once again, Connor held up a shaky finger and mouthed silently toward the window: “ _One minute.”_

The man standing outside just rolled his eyes with a head shake. He looked agitated, annoyed.

Connor feared him.

The trembling redhead felt unshed tears boiling behind his eyes, but he tried desperately not to let them fall. He couldn’t. Not in here. Not with all of these people around. He slowly turned around, limbs convulsing, shaking. Walking was proving rather difficult in his current state, his knees suddenly unable to support the weight of his body. He managed to open the doors to the back room, where Kendra was laughing merrily with one of the bakers. The room smelled of Christmas cookies and cinnamon sticks.

When Kendra turned around and saw Connor’s face, her smile faded instantly.

“Connor, what’s wrong?” She demanded worriedly, running to his side and draping an arm over his shoulders. “Connor?” She asked again when she received no response other than a series of hard, labored breaths. “You’re shaking.” She gasped, not sure what happened. Whatever it was, she knew it wasn’t good.

Connor’s voice wavered, his lips quivering to match. “Sick. I feel…I feel very sick.” He swallowed hard. His throat burned mercilessly. The tightness just would not let up.

“Sick? You were fine two seconds ago.” Concern grew on Kendra’s face as she rubbed his back to try and calm him down. “Okay, calm down. Shh.”

Connor let himself lean into Kendra’s side, the woman’s warmth radiating off her body, calming him down enough to answer. He felt broken,  _helpless_.

“I know, but now—now I’m not. I think I just need some air.” He choked out with a stutter, leaning into her further. Connor’s body felt like dead weight against her side.

“Okay. Why don’t you go take an early break, alright?” Kendra gave him a friendly squeeze before letting go, noting the greenish color of Connor’s face as she pulled back.

“Thanks. I—I’m sorry…” Connor stammered, looking around self-consciously at the rest of the workers in the room. “Sorry.” He repeated to the group. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. Just feel better, okay?” She assured before turning to the rest of the group. “Carlos! Go take the register for a bit.” Turning back to Connor, she playfully messed up his hair and told him to go on break.

As Connor crossed the café, heading for the door, he paused for a moment to gaze back at Kevin. His partner didn’t see him and was still chatting up the elderly tourist couple, flashing that famous bright grin of his. A sad smile tugged at Connor’s lips as he watched Kevin beam stupidly as the older woman laughed heartily at what must have been one of Kevin’s usual customer jokes. He always loved making people laugh.

Kendra’s earlier words flashed through his mind.

_If someone doesn’t make you smile, they don’t deserve you. Got it?_

Connor felt hot tears roll down his cheeks, his smile faltering now as he reluctantly looked away from Kevin and continued for the door. He prayed Kevin wouldn’t see him leave. Well, even if he did, maybe he wouldn’t suspect anything was amiss. He didn’t want to worry his partner. Not this time. This was his mess and he knew he had to be the one to clean it up. For once, just once,  _he_  wanted to be the one to clean it up. No more relying on everyone else to save him. He’d save  _himself_ this time. Maybe it would even provide him with some sense of closure and peace of mind to the whole thing. Maybe, if he was lucky.

Connor slipped on his coat and cautiously stepped outside into the ice cold snowfall, his body shaking with violent tremors, dreading whatever Jeff was about to say—or  _do_ —to him. At least there were plenty of people around, walking down the sidewalk, Connor thought to himself. Jeff couldn’t really do anything to him out in public, could he? There were just too many witnesses.

Connor slowly trudged through the heavy drift of snow until, finally, he was just a mere foot away from his ex-fiancé. Jeff just stood there, staring at him coldly, shaking his head slightly.

“Hello.” Connor finally managed to muster up the courage to say. They both stood there, staring at one another in front of the café window, an uncomfortable amount of time beginning to pass.

Connor swallowed hard, looking away from Jeff to steal a quick glance back inside, his nerves calming a bit once his eyes found Kevin— _Kevin_ , who was still laughing with the elderly couple, sipping on his usual black iced coffee. Kevin wouldn’t let anything bad happen to him. Kevin was  _here_. He was right here, right now, and he wasn’t going anywhere. Kevin was by his side, always, and that meant everything would be okay. It had to be.

Turning back to Jeff, Connor was met with more of the same cold silence until finally the other man let out a low growl and reached out to grab Connor by the collar of his pea coat. Jeff roughly pulled him out of Kevin’s line of sight, yanking him past the window and slamming his body hard into the side of the building. The back of Connor’s head smacked into the hard concrete, eliciting a pained yelp from the smaller man’s throat. The redhead’s trembling worsened, his throat letting out unintentional whimpers. His nose picked up the faintest scent of alcohol on the other man’s breath and he felt his heart sink so low, it hit the bottom of his stomach with a thud.

And just like that, with nothing more than a swift movement of the other man’s hands, Connor McKinley was back exactly where he started.

“You’re b—b—“, Connor tried his best to speak, he really did, but all that would come out was an uncontrollable mess of partial stutters. The angry man’s hands gripped at his neck, worsening his already-tight throat. He’d lost all control over his speech at this point, but was still attempting to string a sentence together through the shakes and tremors that wouldn’t stop convulsing through his body. “B—b—back early.” Connor eventually managed to choke out.

“No.” Jeff spat, shaking his head. “I ask the questions.”

Connor nodded furiously, closing his eyes—waiting for  _something_  to come. What that was, he had no idea.

“You stopped answering my texts. You’ve been ignoring all my calls.” He spouted off, giving Connor’s body a rough shake. “I must have called you at least forty times last week. No answer. What the Hell, Connor? What the  _fuck_  have you been doing that you couldn’t even take two seconds to answer even _one_  of my calls?” He bellowed in Connor’s face, rogue droplets of spit landing on Connor’s cheeks, mixing with dried, frozen tears. “You’re my goddamn  _fiancé_  and this is how you treat me? Like a piece of  _garbage_?” He shook Connor’s body with fervor, strong hands gripping tighter around Connor’s neck.

Connor truly thought, in all of his imaginings of this inevitable moment—and it was inevitable—that he would garner enough strength within himself to  _finally_ stand up to this man, his tormentor. He had grandiose plans of really telling him off this time, pushing him away when he tried to grab him, yelling back when he tried to shout, kicking him if he so much as tried to touch him. Connor even went so far as to imagine himself giving Jeff a hard punch right in the nose for good measure.

But, instead, Connor found himself right back where he always seemed to end up—a weak, helpless baby at the mercy of a brutish man. He was so frightened of Jeff’s reaction, he actually thought he might pee himself, throw up, scream, cry…he might have done all those things, but the one thing he could never seem to bring himself to do was fight back. He’d never been able to fight back. Not even  _once_. He didn’t know why it was so goddamn hard. It wasn’t like he was a total weakling with no physical strength or anything—though, he certainly lacked the giant muscles Jeff had—but, no, something buried deep inside of himself always seemed to stop him, leaving him paralyzed whenever Jeff had him in this position.  _So_  paralyzed, he could barely even mutter a curse or weak retort or empty threat or anything other than  _I’m sorry_.

A few people walking past them on the street glanced up at them with questioning looks, but unfortunately, this was New York City where bizarre things happened on the street every day. It would take a lot more than some domestic quarrelling for anyone to intervene.

“What the fuck, Connor? Are you going to answer me or not?” He spat with another rough shake.

The redhead finally opened his eyes after the silence had gone on far too long. He gaped at Jeff dumbly, not quite sure why the man was even asking him these things. Didn’t he get the goodbye letter? The discarded phone? The ring?  _Anything_? None of this was making any sense.

After too long a pause, Jeff furrowed his brow in confusion over Connor’s dumbfounded expression and shook his head. “Okay, wow, I always knew you were a little slow and all, but are you  _actually_  retarded?  _Hello_ …we’re getting  _married_ next year? What in God’s name is wrong with you? Did you fall on the ice and hit your head too hard or something?”

Another shake and a bit more weak stuttering on Connor’s part.

Jeff finally waved his hand in front of Connor’s face, taunting him. “Yoo hoo? Anybody in there? Hello?”

As Connor’s eyes moved down and landed on Jeff’s suitcase that sat beside them on the sidewalk, atop a bed of snow, Connor realized exactly what was going on.

Jeff hadn’t even been  _home_  yet, he thought to himself as he stood there, pinned to the concrete wall, a prisoner of the strong hands gripping at his throat. Jeff had gotten back from his trip earlier than he was supposed to. He wasn’t supposed to come back until after Christmas. He had his suitcase with him. He must have come straight to the coffeehouse from the airport. He took a redeye…Jeff always preferred red eyes, that way he could drink on the plane and take off the next day… he must have gotten a few drinks on the flight, which would explain the alcohol on his breath.

He didn’t get Connor’s letter or discarded engagement ring or see his stuff moved out or… _anything_.

“I—I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’ve just…I’ve just been busy, that’s all, and I thought you could use a little space. I’m sorry for n—n—not answering, I just…I just had a lot going on. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…” Connor apologized profusely, his voice wavering, tears gushing freely from his eyes. He knew full well how idiotic he must have sounded and how lame and all wrong his bumbling words came out. He regretted them the moment they left his mouth. He watched Jeff’s eyes light up in a new burst of rage.

“You had a lot  _going on_?” Jeff shouted in disbelief. “Doing  _what_? Give me a break, Connor. Are you  _sure_ you didn’t hit your head a bit too hard?” He pressed. Another shake.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…” Connor found himself blubbering, wailing, sobbing—repeating the same sorrowful words over and over again out of habit.

But, he  _wasn’t_ sorry. He was  _never_  sorry. He _hated_ Jeff. He hated Jeff more than he’d ever hated anyone in his whole goddamn life. He hated the way Jeff called him names, the way Jeff made him feel about himself. He hated the way Jeff’s breath always smelled like booze, hated the way Jeff touched him—rough and callous. He hated the way Jeff used his body like a cheap toy, the way Jeff called him fat, the way Jeff pushed him around like a bully, the way Jeff pinned him to the wall like a worthless, undignified piece of property. He hated everything about Jeff—his job, his arrogance, his money, his suits, his apartment, his  _everything_. He hated everything about Jeff.

No, Connor was  _never_ sorry.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” Connor finally trailed off and quieted down once his tears stuffed his nose up too much. His limbs were iced cold now, his throat throbbing in pain. “I’m sorry, but I really, um, I—I really do have to go back inside now, Kendra, she needs me—she—“, he started before getting cut off.

“Kendra’s a whore.” Jeff stated bluntly, tightening his grip around Connor’s neck, squeezing it harder now. Connor wasn’t sure how much further this was going to go—as it was now, he could barely breathe.

“I am?” Kendra suddenly appeared out of nowhere, questioning Jeff’s accusation with a raised eyebrow as she stomped through the snow, approaching the two men. “Let go of him right now, asshole. Then get the Hell out of here before I call the police.” She hissed at Jeff coldly, her eyes aflame, piercing into Jeff’s with a brave insistence Connor could never seem to find within himself to muster.

“The police?” Jeff laughed, smartly removing his hand from Connor’s neck. The redhead dropped a couple of inches and regained his footing with a loud gasp, taking in as much air as he could possibly get.

“Please, don’t blow this out of proportion, Kendra. This is just a domestic quarrel, nothing more.” Jeff insisted, trying appear cool and calm now.

“Leave.  _Now_.” Kendra growled angrily, moving closer to Jeff, unafraid. “I am not kidding.  _Get. Out._ ”

“This is between me and Connor, nobody else.” Jeff spat back, his anger returning a bit.

“I _said_ —get out of here right now or I call the police! Do you want to test me on that? Because I promise you, I am  _not_  bluffing.” Kendra repeated icily, unwavering in her insistence. “Get.  _Out_.”

“Fine!” Jeff bellowed in annoyance before turning back to Connor. “We’ll talk about this at home later. Do _not_ be late. You hear me?”

Connor went to say something, but Jeff placed a finger over his mouth, silencing him.

“ _Do not be late._ ” He whispered hotly, giving Connor’s body a hard shove, knocking him into the concrete of the building, before wandering off into the snowfall, pulling his suitcase behind him.

Connor couldn’t quite think straight yet. He just stood there, whimpering in place for a few moments, embarrassed, ashamed, hurt—he was just trying to gain some sense of composure. He ached for his dignity back.

 _Breathe in, breathe out_.

Finally, he opened his eyes, swallowing hard, and reluctantly looked up to meet Kendra’s eyes.

“Please—please don’t tell Kevin he was here.” Connor whispered hoarsely, his voice thick with desperation, looking down again and fighting back tears. “I don’t want him to worry.”

Kendra shook her head sadly. “Connor…”, she started as she stepped closer to her distraught friend and co-worker. “Look, I have no idea what’s been going on between you or Jeff or Kevin, but that man—“, she pointed in the direction where Jeff had stormed off, “—is an abusive piece of shit. Please tell me you are not still living with him. Please, Connor…please at least tell me that.”

“No, I don’t live with him anymore. I got out. I live with Kevin now.” Talking was still quite difficult, his throat having not returned to normal just yet. The tightness lessened, but still gripped him.

“Thank,  _God_.” Kendra let out a sigh of relief as she leaned back against the building, reaching into her pocket to pull out a cigarette from the pack she usually kept on her. She had been trying to quit lately, but to Hell with it. She needed one after that whole thing.

After a few moments, Connor gradually caught his breath. Sniffling, he leaned back against the building next to Kendra. Finally, he let out a dark laugh. “You know, I didn’t even have the courage to break up with him in person, so while he was away, I just packed up my things and moved in with Kevin.” He shook his head in disgust. “What kind of coward does something like that?”

“No, Connor, that was  _smart_. That was a good thing you did.” She insisted. “Look, I don’t know how deep this thing goes or what he’s done to you, but a lot of people in bad relationships never get out. You’re anything but a coward, Connor. Please at least know that much.”

“But I didn’t even text him, didn’t even call him. Nothing. I just left him a  _note_. Can you believe that? A  _note_.” Connor blubbered, almost in shock at his own decision, unsure why his eyes were filling back up with tears. “What did I  _think_  was going to happen when he came back?”

His voice wavered, now higher pitched and thick with disgust. “That he’d just be totally fine with this whole thing? That he wasn’t going to wonder  _why_  I haven’t been answering his calls? His texts? I’m seriously asking. What the Hell did I  _think_ was going to happen, Kendra? This was all so inevitable. And I actually thought I could  _handle_ it? That I could actually tell him off this time?”

He heaved in, trying to catch his breath again. His throat tightened once more, his chest hurting. He went on despite the pain. “He’s right, he’s absolutely right. I’m so  _stupid_. I’m just a stupid,  _pathetic_ , coward! That’s  _exactly_ what I am. I’m just so  _stupid_!” He shouted in agony, his voice painfully strained, breaths labored once more.

He started hitting himself in the head over and over again with his hands, causing Kendra to gasp in shock and drop her cigarette in the snow. She immediately reached out to Connor, grabbing his hands and attempting to stop him from hurting himself.

“Stop it! Stop it right now!” She yelled, gripping tightly onto Connor’s hands and holding them in place. “You are  _not_ stupid, Connor. I’ve known you for a long time and I happen to think you’re a great person. Now _stop_ beating yourself up over this.  _Stop_ hitting yourself. You’re better than this. You’re better than him. He’s an abusive piece of shit. He’s nothing more than an abusive, condescending  _piece of shit_. Just forget about him and move on with your life. He’ll get over it. We all do.”

“This wouldn’t have even happened if I would’ve just had the courage to end it before it went this far! But, no, I told him I’d  _marry_  him! I said I’d _marry_  him!” Connor screeched, completely losing control over his emotions now. People passing by had begun to point and stare. “I could never stand up to him.  _Never_. Not even  _once_! I always just  _took_  it, pretending like everything was fine, I was fine, I’m fine, I’m just fine and dandy…everything’s fine! It’s all fine! I’m fine! I’m fine!"

“Connor…” Kendra whispered softly, cautiously stepping closer to him. She wasn’t sure what was happening exactly, but the man in front of her, her friend, seemed to be hyperventilating, bright red in the face, and looked as though he was about to have a total breakdown.

“I’m so weak and _pathetic_. I just let him hurt me,  _over and over and over again_! I just  _took_  it, Kendra. I  _let_ him hurt me. I let him  _use_ me. I let him  _rape_  me. I never even  _tried_ to fight back! Not once…” Connor finally gasped for breath, shaking his head. “Not even once.”

“You were a  _victim_ , Connor. It’s not always possible to fight back. This  _isn’t_  your fault.” She insisted, gripping his shoulders firmly, forcing him to look her in the eyes, trying to knock some sense into him. “Are you hearing anything I’m saying to you? This isn’t your fault, Connor.”

“I really thought I could handle it this time, when he got back. I really did. I imagined it over and over again in my mind. I was finally going to be… _strong_ and stand up to him like a man and not let him push me around. But instead, I needed  _you_ to save me. Just like I needed Kevin to save me. I always need saving. That’s how useless and pathetic I am. I just…I just…let him get to me like he  _always_  does. Like he always…does.” He gasped for a hard intake of breath, his chest burning.

Sobbing uncontrollably now, Connor slammed his eyes shut and leaned back against the concrete of the building once more, tears running down his face, chest heaving up and down. He couldn’t feel his limbs any more, it was too cold. Everything was cold and everything hurt.

“Connor…”, Kendra whispered softly, her voice dripping with heartbreak. She stepped close to her friend, cupping his wet cheek in her hand, wiping the tears aside, gazing at him with the saddest eyes. “Nothing you’re saying about yourself is true. This is  _not_  your fault. Do you hear me? You have a sweet, gorgeous boy in there who loves you. He loves you. You have a job. Maybe not the best job, but it’s still a job. You got out of a bad relationship, which is something a lot of people never do. You had the courage to leave, to follow your heart. You are  _brave_ , Connor McKinley. I really mean that. You are so…so brave.”

As he gazed back into her eyes, despite her words of bravery and assurance, he saw nothing but pity there, her face positively grief-stricken.

Something deep within Connor started to break apart in that moment. Whatever resolve, strength, he’d been using to hold himself up this whole time came shattering down like broken bits of glass. An explosion of tears burst out of his blue eyes, his face bright red, his body shaking with violent tremors. He fell to the snowy ground with a thud, no longer able to see anything but the blacks of his own eyes.


	10. Chapter 10

“Open up.” Kevin instructed softly as he placed a spoonful of hot chicken soup in front of Connor’s waiting mouth.

Connor was laying in bed, clad in soft jammies and a plush purple bathrobe, snuggled beneath the warmth of the covers. His boyfriend sat beside him on the bed, legs dangling over the side, a steaming hot bowl of soup in his hands. The redhead obliged, taking in the spoonful of soup, before swallowing hard and closing his eyes.

“That’s enough.” Connor sighed sadly, pushing Kevin’s hand away. “I’m really not that hungry.”

“The doctor told me to make sure you eat, so that’s what I’m doing. Now open up right now or, I swear, I’ll go back to making the choo-choo train noise. Is that what you want?” Kevin mock-threatened, his concerned eyes and warm smile betraying the sternness of his words. His eyes glistened with unshed tears despite his attempt to lighten the mood.

Reluctantly, Connor opened his mouth again, but not without an eye roll.

“There, that’s it.” Kevin murmured as Connor took in another spoonful of hot soup.

“I’m not a baby, Kevin.” Connor whispered after swallowing the spoonful of soup, not really having the strength to raise his voice above a mumble or provide any negative inflection beyond mild frustration. “You really don’t have to feed me.”

“I know I don’t _have_ to.” Kevin gazed down into the bowl of soup. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe I just…want to? It makes me feel less useless, like I’m at least doing  _something_  to help, you know?” He paused, giving Connor a sorrowful shrug. “At least, I hope I am.”

Connor’s face softened as he watched Kevin absentmindedly stir the soup around the bowl, eyes dejected and unsure.

“Of course you’re helping, Kevin. I’m sorry.” The redhead apologized with earnest, eliciting a small, forgiving smile from his partner.

Connor continued on with an exasperated sigh. “This was just all so unnecessary, that’s all. They didn’t need to send me to the  _hospital_ , Kevin. That was such a gross overreaction. I would’ve been just fine. Kendra had absolutely no right to call the ambulance like that. All she had to do was wait a little while longer and it would’ve passed on its own. And they most certainly didn’t need to keep me for hours at that hospital and prescribe me…” Connor gestured to the bottle of pills on the nightstand. “ _Crazy people drugs_.” He whispered in hushed bewilderment. “I’m telling you, I would’ve been just fine, Kevin. Just fine.”

Kevin nodded sadly, not really sure he agreed with that statement or not. “They aren’t  _crazy people drugs_ , Connor. The doctor said that nearly everyone in your…” He swallowed hard, his face reddening, not quite sure of the right words to say, “… _situation_ …has some sort of anxiety or stress disorder come from it. What you’re going through, considering everything that’s happened…it’s completely normal, Connor. You heard the doctor. He said it’s a wonder you’ve lasted this long without…without…um—“

“Having a freak-out?”

Kevin shook his head sadly. “It wasn’t a  _freak-out_ , Connor. It was a panic attack. A completely justified one, if you ask me.”

Connor bit his bottom lip and just looked down at his lap for a few moments, embarrassed and quiet.

The other man watched as Connor recoiled further into himself, seemingly in shame despite having absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. Kevin opened his mouth to speak again, but instead hesitated, opting to close it. He desperately wanted to ask Connor why he didn’t just come to him right away, the moment he saw Jeff outside the café window. Instead, the whole ordeal took place while Kevin was inside, totally  _oblivious_  to what was transpiring. It didn’t have to be that way. It  _shouldn’t_ have been that way, Kevin thought to himself.

He knew Connor was still rattled from the distressing ordeal and needed time to recover, so Kevin didn’t want to press the issue—but still, he couldn’t help but feel a teensy bit hurt. Connor had made a conscious decision not to come to him for help. But  _why_? If Kevin had known what was going on, he could’ve stepped up and helped, could’ve been there for his boyfriend—maybe he could’ve even told Jeff off once and for all.

Kevin honestly had half a mind to hop on the train and storm Jeff’s apartment in a blind rage. He didn’t even know what he’d _do_  once he got there, but he was certain it would at least include a hard punch to the nose, a painful kick in the groin and a slew of verbal insults.

Kevin tried his best to shake off these unwelcome feelings and move his attention back to cheering Connor up.

“Why don’t you look on the bright side, Con? Now you have two whole weeks off from work, completely paid. You can’t tell me that won’t be a little nice?” Kevin urged hopefully. He gave Connor’s knee a soft pat. “Right?”

Connor just gave his partner a sorrowful shrug in response. “I guess.”

“And they said I could take a week off too, so I can make sure you’re okay and all.” Kevin added with a grin.

“They’re only doing that because they think I’m unhinged, Kevin.” Connor sighed in annoyance, slamming his head back against the pillow. “They all think I’m a total nutjob now, after what happened. I acted like a crazy person, Kevin.”

“Nobody thinks that, Connor. Nobody.” Kevin offered sincerely, scooting up on the bed so he could be closer to his partner. “Now we’ll get to spend Christmas week at home together. That’ll be nice, right? It won’t be so bad, I promise.” He urged, not sure he was really getting anywhere with Connor or not. All he wanted was to see his boyfriend smile again. That was honestly all Kevin ever wanted—to see Connor’s face light up into a smile, the most beautiful smile.

Instead, Kevin’s boyfriend just mumbled something incoherently and retreated back further into the bed with a sorrowful grunt.

“Alright, you asked for it.” Kevin carefully set the soup bowl down on Connor’s nightstand before leaping into the bed on top of Connor, bounding up and down like a child, swinging his arms and legs around his partner’s body and squeezing him tight as could be, causing Connor to lose all resolve and let out a small giggle.

“You’re going to be cheered up whether you like it or not!” Kevin grinned and brought Connor’s body into his own, giving him a tight, loving squeeze. He placed a soft kiss atop Connor’s wavy red hair and purred into his ear. “You know what happens if you don’t cheer up, right?” He asked in a tone that suggests they’d been through this several times before. “ _Right_?”

“No!” Connor protested through a burst of laughter as he felt Kevin’s hands wander all over his belly and armpits, tickling him mercilessly. “Stop! Kevin, stop! I mean it, stop!”

After a few minutes of continuous tickling, Kevin could tell Connor had been cheered up enough, what with his face beet red and tears practically pouring down his face from laughing so hard.

“I hate you.” Connor managed to muster out through laughter-filled gasps of air once Kevin’s hands finally let him free.

“You love me.” Kevin corrected matter-of-factly, reaching out to pull Connor close to him, more civilly this time.

Connor nodded into his chest. “I do love you.” He snuggled deeper into Kevin’s warm body, wishing he could just meld right into him, becoming one. Burying his head into Kevin’s soft bathrobe, he nuzzled his cheek into the plush material. “I love you so much, it hurts.”

“I love you too.” Kevin replied sweetly, accompanied by a gentle squeeze.

They were quiet now, simply laying there, holding one another for comfort, thinking. They stayed like that for a while longer, wrapped up in each other’s arms, until Kevin’s eyes suddenly lit up with an idea. “Hey, I know what might cheer you up!” His eyes twinkled bright at the awesome plan he’d just come up with.

“What?” Connor asked, pulling back a bit, eyes wide with curiosity.

“How about I run you a nice, warm bath—then you can spend however long you want soaking in the tub, just relaxing and letting all the bad wash away. We can even put in some of those weird smelly soaps that you have under the sink, but never seem to use.” Kevin suggested with a big grin.

“It’s called  _bubble bath_ , Kevin.” Connor giggled into his boyfriend’s chest. “Oh, and bath salts!”

“Yeah, we’re gonna use all that stuff.” Kevin nodded, resting his chin atop Connor’s soft ginger hair. “Then, after you’re all nice and relaxed from the bath, we can each open up  _one_ early Christmas present. Just  _one_ , don’t get greedy on me or anything.” Kevin warned with a giant grin, squeezing Connor close to him. “Followed by lots of cuddles and pizza and a movie. And you can pick the movie this time, I promise.”

“Even if it’s a sappy rom-com?” Connor asked hopefully, his eyes wide.

“Even if it’s a sappy rom-com.” Pulling back, Kevin lifted Connor’s chin up with a delicate finger, taking in the beautiful blue hues of Connor’s glassy eyes. “How does that sound?”

“It sounds…” Connor paused for a moment to give Kevin his warmest smile. “It sounds like I’m the luckiest guy in the whole world.” He whispered softly, gazing deep into those big brown eyes. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Yes, you do.”

 

* * *

 

After kissing quietly in bed for a while and forcing Connor to eat a little more soup, Kevin got up to draw a warm bath for his partner to soak in. Once it was almost full, he came back out and gently took Connor’s hand into his, leading him into the bathroom. All he wanted was for Connor to be able to close his eyes and unwind for a while, letting the sweet scents of aromatherapy oils and bath salts and bubble bath soaps (and whatever other weird smelly stuff Connor had below the sink) soothe his jarred, frazzled nerves.

Kevin knelt down and dipped his hand into the bath water to check the temperature. “It might be a little too warm. Feel it, let me know if it’s okay.” He said, standing up and nervously wiping his wet hands on his pants.

Connor stuck his hand into the water and smiled inwardly to himself. The water was perfect, as he knew it would be.

“Not too warm at all. It feels just right.” Connor beamed at his boyfriend gratefully as he stood back up.

“Oh, okay, well, good. That’s good.” Kevin stammered awkwardly, pausing for a moment and glancing around the bathroom, his face slightly flushed. “Well, I’ll leave you to it then. Your soaps are under the sink. Try to relax and take all the time you need, okay?” Kevin turned around to leave Connor alone to his bath, when he felt a hand reach out and lightly clutch onto his shoulder, making him stop in his tracks.

“Wait.” Connor called out softly, pulling him back. “Please…please don’t go.”

Kevin hesitantly turned back around, his face rosy pink at the sheer intimacy of being with Connor alone in the bathroom where he knew his partner was about to get naked and soak in the tub.

“Stay with me?” Connor pleaded in a soft whisper, stepping towards Kevin and wrapping his arms around his neck.

“Oh.” Kevin flustered, unsure of what to say. “I, um...”

“I don’t mean to do anything…like _that_  or anything.” Connor swallowed hard and shook his head, trying to clarify his intent. “I just—I feel really upset about everything that happened today and it might be nice to have you—to have you here with me to keep me company or something. It might help me relax, knowing you’re right here.“ Connor swallowed hard and leaned his forehead against Kevin’s. “Right here with me.”

They stood together for a quiet moment or two, foreheads pressed together, eyes a bit bleary.

“You make me feel so safe, Kevin.” Connor admitted under his breath, closing his eyes, soaking up everything he could from this small, intimate moment they were sharing. It sometimes overwhelmed him, how so very lucky he was to have Kevin in his life. Up until a few weeks ago, the prospect of being with Kevin Price was merely a long-abandoned pipe dream. Today, it was his reality.

“Of course I’ll stay.” Kevin whispered softly and leaned down, lightly brushing his lips against Connor’s before kissing them with gentle passion.

Pulling back and looking into those nervous brown eyes, Connor suddenly realized how strange his request must have sounded.

“I’m so sorry, you don’t really have to stay if you don’t want to. It was a stupid idea.” Connor silently cursed himself for even asking Kevin in the first place. “I mean, I can take a bath by myself, right? I’m not an invalid.”

“I _want_  to stay.” Kevin whispered gently, carding a slow, steady hand through Connor’s tangled hair. “I want to take care of you, Connor. If you’ll let me.” He dropped his hands to Connor’s waist so he could run tender hands up and down his partner’s sides, soothing him. “Please, let me.”

Connor looked down to face the floor, shaking his head. “It’s okay. I really don’t need to be taken care of.”

“I know you don’t.” Kevin lifted Connor’s chin up with his finger before moving in for a soft kiss. Pulling back, Kevin silently begged with his eyes—begged Connor to let him take care of him, if only for a little while. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t let me take care of you anyway, even if you don’t  _really_ need it. Please…please just let me be here for you, Connor. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or can’t take care of yourself. It just means you have someone who loves you. That’s all it means.”

Connor nodded shyly, his eyes welling up with fresh tears. Kevin leaned in and sweetly kissed one of his partner’s wet eyelids, followed by the other, tasting the salt of his tears.

Kevin stepped back and carefully undraped Connor’s bathrobe from his shoulders, slowly sliding it off of him before hanging it on the door. Connor instinctively lifted up his arms, allowing Kevin to pull his flannel pajama top up over his head. Kevin was momentarily taken aback by the number of fresh bruises scattered across Connor’s collar bone that snaked up his neck from where Jeff had gripped him earlier that day.

“It’s bad, isn’t it?” Connor whispered fearfully, seeing the pain evident in Kevin’s eyes.

Kevin shook his head, attempting to choke back tears. “No, it’s fine. It’s not that bad.” He lied, urgently bridging the gap between their bodies as he pulled Connor into an embrace.

Connor knew Kevin was lying, but closed his eyes anyway as he felt Kevin’s lips begin to trace soft, delicate kisses along his collar bone before travelling up his neck, as though somehow, by kissing each and every bruise, it could somehow make them all go away. That was a nice thing to imagine—each little bruise disappearing into thin air the moment Kevin’s lips brushed past them, giving each of them tiny little kisses and then— _poof!_ —they would disappear into the wind, just like that— _magic_.

Connor stiffened for just a flicker of a moment before quickly relaxing into Kevin’s touch as he felt his boyfriend’s hands reach up and slowly untie the knot holding his pajama bottoms up, unceremoniously sliding them down to the floor, followed by his white briefs. As they fell to the floor, Connor closed his eyes and leaned into Kevin’s chest. He felt so vulnerable and fragile in that moment—breakable, even—yet still, he relished in the feeling of Kevin’s tender hands roaming all over his soft, porcelain skin—skin that was speckled with tiny little freckles and not-so-tiny bruises. Kevin’s hands trailed lightly all over his body—up, down, sideways and under, caressing him with such gentle purpose. It felt almost trancelike for Connor, who couldn’t help but purr into Kevin’s neck at the touch. His partner’s hands just felt so, so  _soft_  against his skin. They were caring and tender, almost healing in nature, making Connor feel safe and so very loved. These days, there was nothing Connor desired more than to feel safe and protected in Kevin’s arms. It was worth more than any amount of money Jeff had ever spent trying to buy his affections.

Eventually, Kevin pulled back with glassy eyes and a warm smile. He carefully helped Connor down into the bathtub, the steamy hot water slowly covering Connor’s tattered skin like a warm, soothing safety blanket. The redhead beamed in contentment as he leaned back all the way, letting the water completely cover him up, resting his head against the back of the tub. He could hear the comforting sounds of Kevin rummaging through bottles under the sink, no doubt looking through Connor’s many different bubble bath varietals.

“Okay, pick one!” Kevin finally kneeled beside the tub, leaning over and excitedly holding up two bags of scented bath fizzies—one lavender and one eucalyptus.

Connor giggled at Kevin’s sweet enthusiasm and pointed to the lavender. “The purple one. Lavender’s supposed to be good for relaxation.”

“Okay.” Kevin dropped two of the lavender fizzies into the tub before moving onto the next batch of items. “Okay, now how about these?” Kevin held up two different types of bubble bath soaps. “Do we want to use these?”

“We do.” The redhead gave Kevin a thoughtful smile, watching in awe and adoration as this amazing person worked on Connor’s bubble bath as though it was the most important thing in the whole world. “Can we use the pink one?”

Kevin nodded and poured some of the pink bubble bath in, Connor’s eyes widening when he realized Kevin was doing a super heavy pour and didn’t seem to be stopping.

“Whoa, stop! That’s enough.” Connor grabbed the bubble bath from Kevin’s hands and brought it back out of the water. Laughing, he shook his head at Kevin. “We’re gonna have a  _lot_ of suds in here.”

Kevin shrugged, a sly grin on his face. “That’s okay, suds are fun.” He picked up a finger-full of suds that had begun to form by the running faucet and placed them right on Connor’s nose, eliciting a scrunchy smile from his boyfriend. “I can even make you a sudsy hat.” Kevin offered, grabbing a big pile of suds and plopping them onto Connor’s red hair.

“Or a sudsy beard.” Connor chimed in, grabbing a fistful of suds and smearing them onto Kevin’s chin. They giggled quietly and continued to watch as the tub gradually filled with sudsy bubbles. Kevin reached over after a minute and turned the faucet off so it would stop creating new bubbles at such a rapid pace.

“Here, what about these?” Kevin’s brow furrowed as he picked up the little bucket of aromatherapy oils. “Do you want these too?”

“Yeah, throw some more lavender in.”

“Which one’s lavender?” Kevin waded through the box, confused.

“The one that says ‘lavender’.” Connor teased, flinging another handful of suds onto Kevin’s shirt, eliciting a playful side-eye from the other man. “Silly questions earn you suds to the face, mister.” Connor reached up with a big handful of suds and happily smeared it across Kevin’s cheek.

Kevin wiped the suds off his face and leaned back over side of the tub, his face all smiles after having successfully found the lavender. He poured a few droplets into the warm bath water and Connor tried to mix it in by splashing the water around.

“I know, how about candles?” Kevin hopped up to his feet. “You love candles.” He ran out of the room for a moment and came back with a giant lighter and an armful of Connor’s many scented candles. “We’re not leaving until this place smells like a spa.”

After all the candles were lit and Kevin arranged them around the room, he dimmed the lights so Connor could take in the warm glow of candlelight.

“How’s that?” Kevin asked quietly, kneeling back down over the side of the tub and dipping his hands into the warm water. His hands wandered and eventually found the wet, silken skin of Connor’s waist and tenderly grazed his hands over the soft skin.

“Amazing.” Connor purred, his eyes closed, grinning now at the feeling of Kevin’s gentle hands roaming all over his wet skin, slickened by the sudsy bath water.

“Good.” He whispered back, reaching up to get a bath sponge down from the hook. He squirted a bit of dark red body wash onto the sponge, lathered it up and leaned over to wash Connor’s arms and chest. He dipped the sponge down into the water, getting it nice and soaked and then lifting it back up so the warm water could drip down over Connor’s skin. He repeated his actions several times, allowing the steamy water to wash over his skin like raindrops.

“That feels so good.” Connor murmured, his head resting back against the tub, his eyes closed and lips partway open.

Kevin moved down to trail the soapy sponge all over Connor’s body, washing him everywhere, from the tips of his toes all the way up to his neck. Between the heavenly feeling of Kevin’s gentle, rhythmic motions as he washed his body to the lavender and vanilla aromatics that filled the air, Connor’s body finally began to fully relax and unwind. As his muscles loosened and his breathing slowed, he started to feel as though he could just fall asleep right there, content— _happy_ —without a care in the world.

“Want me to leave you alone for a little while?” Kevin eventually whispered after a good fifteen minutes of silence went by, a small grin on his face as he watched Connor begin to drift off. He reached a hand into the water, lazily caressing Connor’s chest.

Connor slowly opened his eyes and met Kevin’s. The flames from the candles made crackling sounds as they flickered, the soft, orange light perfectly illuminating the dim room. The candlelight had cast a warm glow across the strong features of Kevin’s face, somehow making his very attractive partner look even more gorgeous than usual. Kevin was leant over, his arms folded atop the side of the tub, head resting on one of his arms, gazing adoringly at Connor’s face. Connor had no idea how long his partner had been staring at him like that, watching him relax in the warmth of the bath he’d so carefully made for him. Kevin’s smile was warm and full of love. It was almost too much for Connor to handle.

Connor’s eyes slowly turned sad as he gazed deep into Kevin’s, despite the moment being one of the most perfect moments he’d ever experienced in his life. It was simple and honest and vulnerable and somehow even more intimate and personal than the night before, when they had sex for the first time. And still, Connor’s eyes turned sad as he gazed upon the man he loved despite everything being absolutely perfect.

“What on Earth do you see in me, Kevin?” Connor whispered out of nowhere—though not really out of nowhere as the question was always lingering in the back of his mind. It constantly gnawed at him, making him question every wonderful thing that had been happening lately. Even now, as he gazed into Kevin’s eyes, which were so clearly filled with love, he couldn’t help but wonder why this perfect human being, why  _Kevin Price_  of all people, would choose to love _him_. Out of all the people on the planet—Kevin loved  _him_  and Connor had no idea how or why. How could Kevin Price  _ever_  love someone who was so clearly broken and unlovable?

“What?” The question took Kevin aback. “What do you mean?” He asked softly with a questioning smile, as though the answer should be obvious. He scooched himself over so he could be closer to Connor. “I love you.” He assured in a hushed whisper, as though that statement alone should be enough to answer all of Connor’s questions.

“ _How_?” Connor asked, his voice desperate, pleading, his eyes filling with tears. “How could you  _possibly_ love me, Kevin? Love  _this_?” He gestured to himself.

Before Kevin could answer, Connor continued in a quiet, trembling voice. “When I look in the mirror, Kev…all I see is someone who’s weak and helpless and pathetic and comes with far too many issues and baggage to be loved the way you love me. When I look at myself, all I see is a person who’s made nothing but horrible decisions in life—like choosing Jeff instead of having the courage to make it on my own. I got  _myself_  into this mess, Kevin. Nobody else did that for me. I did it to myself.”

He paused for a moment to swallow hard and collect his thoughts. He could see Kevin’s face falling now in response to his words, but he needed to get this out. He just had to.

Connor continued on with a sniffle. “I don’t know why anyone would ever want to deal with all of these awful things I’m putting you through. Like, today, for instance. Like most days. I mean, you could be with _anyone_  you want, Kevin. Anyone would be so lucky to have you. But instead, you’re with  _me_.” He laughed sadly as he blinked back tears. “Someone who’s always afraid and cowers and cries and has panic attacks. Someone who brings all of this horrible  _mess_  to your life. I feel like I’m just one big burden after the other. You shouldn’t have to deal with any of this, Kevin. You shouldn’t have to deal with  _me_.”

He hiccupped. Tears poured down his cheeks.

Kevin looked devastated, heartbroken, but Connor had to get this out. He had to.

“The person I see when I look in the mirror, Kevin, is nothing but a sad, fat, broken mess. He isn’t the kind of man anyone in their right mind would fall in love with. And certainly not the kind of man  _Kevin Price_  would fall in love with.” Connor finished with a sad chuckle, looking down at the sudsy water, tears leaking out of his eyes. “All I see is a broken shell of who I used to be.”

Kevin blinked back tears and scooched closer to Connor. “Well, that’s not what I see when I look at you.” He whispered softly, reaching down into the water to find Connor’s hands. “That’s not at all what I see when I look at you.”

“What do you see?”

Kevin squeezed his boyfriend’s hands underneath the warmth of the water, thumbing little circles into their tops for comfort. The air smelled sweet and it was silent other than the drip drops of water running off their skin.

“When I look at Connor McKinley, I see someone who, on the surface, is just…so, so attractive. He has beautiful… _beautiful_  blue eyes and wavy red hair—“, Kevin reached up to card several fingers through Connor’s wet hair. “—and really soft, ivory skin that has the cutest little freckles all over it.”

Kevin moved his hand down, letting the back of it brush lightly against his partner’s rosy, freckled cheek. “But none of that really matters. It’s just the icing on the cake.”

Kevin smiled sadly and reached down to take Connor’s hands back into his. “When _I_ look at Connor McKinley, I see the kindest, sweetest, most loving person I’ve ever met in my entire life. He makes me really happy, you know. Even before all this, back when we were just friends. His voice, his calls, his texts…anything Connor McKinley did, always made me really happy.”

Connor glanced down shyly, but not without letting a small smile creep onto his face.

“But the problem is, Connor McKinley is also gay and his Mormon family couldn’t see past their own stupid prejudice. They kicked him out of their lives even though he probably wasn’t quite ready to be on his own just yet. And that hurt, I think. I think that really hurt, probably a lot more than he lets on.”

Connor smiled sadly at that truth and gave Kevin’s hands a soft squeeze.

“Then he moved far away from everyone he’d ever known to start over and follow his dreams like the brave person he is. But it was lonely. It was so lonely and that made everything hurt even more. And so then when this rich, good looking guy came along and talked a good talk, he swept Connor right up. But the problem is, that guy turned out to be a real asshole and he hurt Connor McKinley a lot—a whole lot, probably more than he lets on.”

“Kevin…” Connor sniffled in, shaking his head to try and cut Kevin off. “Don’t…”

“Shhh. Let me finish first, then you can tell me how wrong I am, okay?” Kevin hushed him with a playful smile, giving the other man’s hands a squeeze.

He continued on. “The problem is though, once somebody gets hurt like that one too many times, it makes them start to question themselves. They start to think  _they_ must be the problem, if all of these people keep trying to hurt them all the time. What Connor McKinley doesn’t realize is that it’s not his fault. It was never his fault. Sometimes, a really good person just gets hurt one too many times and it’s not their fault.”

Kevin stopped for a moment when he realized Connor had started crying. Kevin leaned in and lifted Connor’s chin up so he could look into his eyes. “When I look at you, Connor McKinley, I see one of my best friends in the whole world. I see a strong, amazing person who’s always been there for me when I needed him. Back in Uganda, you were the only one who really gave me a chance. Well, besides Arnold.” Kevin smirked in remembrance. “But everyone else thought I was a real dick.”

“You were a dick.” Connor laughed through tears at the recollection.

Kevin grinned at that. “Yeah, I was, but you saw through that. You saw something in me that nobody else took the time to see. You saw how confused and hurt I was and tried to help me fix it. That place broke me. Time and time again, it broke me, but you were always right there to help me put the pieces back together. Remember all the times I threatened to leave when things got tough?”

“Yeah.” Connor nodded, sniffling.

“You always took the time to sit and talk to me and convince me not to leave, every time. And everything always worked out just the way it was supposed to. Remember?” Kevin urged. “And then after I decided I didn’t want to live alone in Orlando anymore, you took me in, no questions asked. It’s because of  _you_  that I got to have a fresh start here. And then you got me a job right away, before I even set foot off the plane! I wouldn’t have been able to do any of this without you, Connor. You’ve always been there for me. Always.” Kevin insisted, his eyes welling up with fresh tears to match Connor’s.

“But this is different…this is…” Connor argued, putting up a measly hand in protest. “I’m  _really_  messed up, Kevin. I’m just…I’m just a broken mess and it’s not your fault and you shouldn’t have to be the one to clean it up.” He looked down, sobbing, shaking his head through tears and sniffles. “I mean, wouldn’t you rather be with someone who isn’t going through all this…someone who’s just happy all the time? Someone who doesn’t have to worry about their psycho ex-boyfriend coming around and harassing him? Someone who doesn’t need you to help him take a _bath_?” Connor sobbed loudly, shaking a little.

“No.” Kevin reassured with firmness, leaning all the way into the tub now so he could hold his boyfriend close. “I want _you_ , Connor McKinley—the man I love now, the man I’ve loved since I was nineteen years old. The man who, when I look at him, I think…this is it, I’ll never love anyone else the way I love him, ever again. When I look at you, I see the sweetest, kindest, bravest, most courageous person I’ve ever met in my whole life—the person I want to be with forever, who I wish I had told sooner that I loved him. Every day, I think I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I hate myself for it.”

Kevin leaned in and pulled Connor close. He was dripping wet with water at this point, but he didn’t care. “I wish I could just kiss all the pain away, Connor. I thought maybe I could. I tried to, I really did. But I see now that it just doesn’t work like that. I can’t make it all go away no matter how much I want to. But, don’t you worry because we  _are_  going to fix this Connor, I promise. I promise, we will. We’ll fix this together, I promise, and everything will be okay.”

“I love you.” Connor sobbed into Kevin’s neck, unable to let go of his partner. He felt as though he was gripping onto him for dear life and, in a way, he was. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

 

* * *

 

After Connor calmed down, Kevin made sure his boyfriend stayed in the bathtub long enough to fully unwind again. Eventually he did and by the time Connor got out of the tub, his skin looked like a prune, but he did feel fully relaxed and unwound. The two boys got back into their pajamas and sat underneath the Christmas tree to open the one early present Kevin allotted.

“Okay, open it, open it!” Kevin urged as he held out a medium-sized, perfectly wrapped gift to Connor. The wrapping paper had green and red wreaths on it and it even came equipped with a shiny gold bow on top.

Connor grinned in delight as he ripped open the paper. He pulled out a white box, which he promptly opened, revealing a beautiful glass Christmas ornament. It was quite large and had hand-painted writing on the side that read “Kevin + Connor”, followed by the year, in lovely red and blue script. Little hand-painted hearts and candy canes surrounded a printed picture of the two of them from when they took silly selfies with the snowman they had built a couple of weeks back.

“Oh, wow.” Connor murmured in surprise, turning the thoughtful gift over and over in his hands. “Kevin, this is so beautiful.”

“I had it handmade just for us.” He beamed and leaned in to give his partner a soft kiss on the lips. “You like it?” He asked hopefully, pulling back.

Connor wiped away a tear from his eye and nodded. “I love it. Let’s hang it on the tree. It should go right in front; don’t you think?”

After they hung their ornament on the Christmas tree, Connor reached down and picked up the gift Kevin would be allowed to open early.

“It’s not much, but I hope you like it.” Connor handed it to Kevin as they sat back on the floor, leaning back against the bed frame.

Kevin grinned like no tomorrow when he saw what it was—a  _Wicked_  mug that had several cast members’ signatures on it. “How did you—what? How did you manage to get this? This is incredible!” He enthused, leaning over to give his partner a big hug.

“I know people.” Connor replied with a sly smile and a wink as they pulled back.

“You’re amazing.” Kevin beamed before hopping to his feet. “I’m going to christen my new mug with some peppermint hot cocoa.” Kevin grinned joyfully. “Want some? I’ll put extra peppermint in yours just the way you like it. Then we can watch—” He reached down and picked up the DVD Connor had selected for that night’s movie. “Fifty First Dates?” He looked at Connor skeptically. “Really?”

“You told me rom-coms were okay!” Connor reminded him with a smirk before getting cut off by Kevin’s lips suddenly pressing into his.

Pulling back, Kevin beamed. “Fifty First Dates it is. Now do you want some cocoa or not?”

“Yes, please.” Connor replied with a big grin as he brought his knees up to his chin and wrapped his arms around them.

As he watched Kevin practically skip toward the kitchen, ecstatic over his new Christmas present, Connor felt tiny little tingles fluttering around his heart. No matter what horrible events happened during the day, no matter what Jeff said or did to him—at the end of the day, he knew he’d be laying down and going to sleep next to Kevin Price—safe, protected,  _loved_. And then tomorrow, he’d get to wake up next to Kevin Price. They’d cuddle lazily in bed together as long as they could, holding one another close— _happy_. He’d get to spend  _all_ of his days with Kevin Price. And if that was his new reality, then no day could ever truly be a bad day, could it? Not today, not tomorrow, not ever again.

He only had good days to look forward to from now on.


	11. Chapter 11

Christmas Eve rolled around a few days later and snow was falling down heavily over the bustling city. Kevin and Connor were hanging out at home, still enjoying their paid time off from work, giggling in bed and happily doing nothing together, when Kevin got an urgent phone call from Kendra. Apparently two people called out sick and she had no one else to fill in for them. She didn’t want to bother Kevin when she knew he was home taking care of Connor but she honestly had no one else to call.

“Sorry, Con.” Kevin lamented as he bent down to kiss his partner goodbye. “Kendra really needs me to go in. She said it’s an emergency. I’ll only be gone for a little while though, four hours tops.”

Connor nodded and pulled Kevin down into him by the collar of his shirt, pressing their lips together passionately. He held Kevin snugly in place like that for quite a while, softly kissing him, making it very hard for him to leave.

“Mmm.” Kevin moaned helplessly into Connor’s mouth as he felt the other man’s tongue glide over his own. After a little while, Kevin shook his head and broke the kiss with a sharp gasp. “As much as I don’t want to, I really do have to go.”

“Fine.” Connor pouted as he flirtatiously played with the collar of Kevin’s shirt. “Go be responsible, leave your boyfriend all alone at home on Christmas Eve.”

“Not fair.” Kevin whined sadly. “You know I’m only doing this because she really needs me.”

Connor peeked up at Kevin’s eyes with an amused smirk. “I’m only kidding, Kev. Get out of here.” He gave him a playful shove. “You better bring me back some Christmas cookies though. The peanut butter ones with the chocolate drizzle.”

“Deal.” Kevin grinned and raced out of the apartment. Hopefully he’d be back soon so they could resume their lazy, romantic Christmas Eve at home together.

 

* * *

 

Four hours later, Kevin was still dealing with the mad rush of customers.  _Where the heck did all these people come from anyway? Probably late Christmas shoppers running around picking up last minute gifts._  Kevin picked up his phone with a sorrowful sigh and texted Connor.

 

 **_Kevin [4:45 pm]:_ ** _Hey, I don’t think I’m gonna be leaving here for a while. :(_ _I promise I’ll be home as soon as I can though._

 **_Connor [4:52]:_ ** _That’s okay…_

 **_Kevin [4:52 pm]:_ ** _ <3_

 **_Connor [4:53]:_ ** _…as long as you bring home LOTS of xmas cookies :p_

 **_Kevin: [4:53]:_ ** _I promise!_

 

About an hour later, the shop seemed to somehow get busier than it already was. At least they’d be closing around eight o’clock anyway.  _Thank God._

“What can I get you guys?” Kevin politely asked an elderly couple as they flipped through the specialty coffee menu.

“Kevin!” The lady exclaimed as though she knew him. “Remember us? You waited our table last week.”

“Oh, yeah!” Kevin beamed when he recognized the couple and reached out his hand to shake the man and lady’s hands. “Arizona, right?”

“That’s right! We never get any snow down in Arizona so we’re really trying to make the most of it. We went skiing out in Jersey…oh and we made a snowman. Right, George?” She prodded her husband, who responded to her cheery question with a low grunt. “We even went ice skating at Rockefeller Center! It feels like we’re twenty-one years old all over again!”

Kevin grinned at the the pair and couldn’t help but feel his slightly Grinch-y heart melt just a little at the sweet elderly couple. If they were lucky, maybe he and Connor would be just like them when they were in their seventies. Well, maybe not _just_  like them, but he hoped they’d still be together and happy at that age. They would be if Kevin Price had anything to say about it.

“That sounds great.” Kevin enthused. “Got any plans for Christmas Eve?”

“Oh, yes!” The lady exclaimed. “We’re going to ride a horse-drawn sleigh in Central Park! It’s supposed to be amazing and _so_  beautiful. Isn’t that right, George?” Her husband just grunted.

Kevin’s interest peaked. “Did you just say horse-drawn sleigh?”

“Yes and they bring you all over Central Park! Oh, it’s just going to be wonderful. Isn’t it going to be wonderful, George?” The lady grinned happily despite her husband’s seeming disinterest. “But enough about us, sweetie. You probably have your own plans to get off to. We’ll just have two cappuccinos to go.”

“And a corn muffin.” George grunted hoarsely and turned to face his wife, who just gaped at him as though he had five heads. “What? I want a muffin!”

Kevin managed to stifle a laugh as he watched the pair start to bicker. “Alright, two cappuccinos and one corn muffin. You got it.” Kevin scribbled down their order on his pad and turned around to go make their coffees when he had second thoughts and spun back around.

“Hey, uh, sorry to bother you, but exactly what time are those horse-drawn sleigh rides you were telling me about?”

“Oh, they’re running until midnight!” The lady enthused happily. “And they’re not too expensive either.”

“How much are they?”

“I think they’re just twenty-five each. Right, George? Oh, you really should go, you’re such a sweet boy. Do you have anyone special you can bring with you? If you don’t, you’re always welcome to come with us.”

Kevin’s cheeks blushed rosy pink. “Oh, um, I actually do have someone special I can bring, but thank you.”

“Awww, that’s so nice. Isn’t that nice, George?” Her husband just grunted with a slight wave of his hand. “Well, anyway, just go to 86th and 5th and there will be all kinds of signs. But you’re young, you can probably just use the internet.”

“Thank you so much! Your coffees are coming right up.”

“And a muffin!” The rather grouchy man called after him.

As Kevin was waiting for the coffees to finish brewing, he grabbed his phone and furiously began texting Connor.

 

 **_Kevin [6:02 pm]:_ ** _Con!! I have a surprise for you. A really cool Christmas surprise! :D_

 **_Connor [6:04 pm]:_ ** _???_

 **_Connor [6:04 pm]:_ ** _Should I be scared? :O_

 **_Kevin [6:04 pm]:_ ** _No, no it’s gonna be great!! Meet me at the coffeehouse around 8 and you’ll find out :D_

 **_Connor [6:05 pm]:_ ** _Uhh, okay… don’t I even get a hint??? ;p_

 **_Kevin [6:06 pm]:_ ** _Come on, you know me better than that by now_

 **_Connor [6:07pm]:_ ** _Right, right…stupid question._

 **_Connor [6:07pm]:_ ** _Do I need to get dressed up?_

 **_Kevin [6:07 pm]:_ ** _No, just make sure you bundle up really good. We’re gonna be outside for a while ;)_

 **_Connor [6:07 pm]:_ ** _Hmm, I do believe that was a hint :D_

 **_Kevin (6:08 pm):_ ** _See you at 8. Don’t be late!_

 **_Connor (6:08 pm):_ ** _Please, I’m never late_

 **_Kevin [6:09 pm]:_ ** _I love you_

 **_Connor [6:09 pm]:_ ** _I love you too_

 

* * *

 

Kevin was almost finished closing up the shop around ten minutes to eight. He was rushing to try and get it all done so they could leave right away once Connor got to the coffeehouse. He sighed sadly as one of the containers he was cleaning tumbled down to the ground and spilled out old coffee grounds all over the floor.

Kevin was down on the floor, cleaning up spillage, when he heard the bells jingle on the door, signaling that someone had just entered.

“Sorry, we’re closed!” He called out to the unfortunate customer. “We open back up on Monday.”

He heard the person’s shoes  _click-clack_  against the floor, getting closer and closer.

“Sorry, I said we’re clo—“

Kevin went to stand up when suddenly, without warning, he felt a hard punch ram him in the back, flat-lining him against the floor onto his stomach. He then felt a relentless beating into his person, coming from all angles. It took a second for his brain to catch up with the insanity of what was happening, temporarily immobilizing him.

_Is this what being mugged feels like? Is this person going to rob me? Kill me?_

So many questions flashed through his mind in the split second it took for him to gain enough composure to attempt to fight back.

“Oh!” Kevin screamed in agony as the other person mercilessly slammed a hard fist into his body, over and over with a violence that felt almost personal. The man eventually rolled Kevin over onto his back, somehow pinning him into a snug stranglehold. Kevin almost couldn’t believe his own eyes when he gazed up and found himself looking straight into Jeff’s.

“ _You!_ ” Kevin screamed, his anger flaring up. A new burst of energy and bravery surged through him at the realization of who it was that was attacking him. But despite his ardent attempts at escaping, he continued to struggle against the man’s brute strength. He whimpered as he tried to wriggle out of the man’s firm grasp, but it was just no use.

He’d have to get to him verbally instead. “You asshole. What the Hell do you think you’re doing?” Kevin yelled at the top of his lungs, trying with all of his might to escape the merciless grasp the other man had on him.

“Are you fucking him?” Jeff growled at Kevin. “Answer me! Are you fucking my fiancé?”

“What?” Kevin choked out despite the pain he was in. “What are you talking about? Connor left you. You’re not his fiancé anymore, remember? You’re not anything to him anymore. Now get off of me or I swear I’ll—”

Suddenly without warning, he felt a violent punch slam right into his face. It stung like Hell. Kevin was always a fairly mild-mannered guy and he never really got into any fights in high school. He was tall, brawny and good looking, sure, but the reality was, he was one of those goody two shoes, straight-A students who didn’t like to get into trouble. Kevin wasn’t afraid of Jeff though. In his mind, Jeff was an insecure, whiny, condescending piece of shit.

Another punch. This time to the other side of his face. It burned.

“Are you going to answer me or not? Because I have all night.” Jeff growled, giving Kevin a shake, his nails like daggers piercing into his flesh.

“You won’t get away with this.” Kevin mumbled through his now-swollen lips. “Connor is coming here any minute.”

Jeff laughed. “Yeah and what’s that supposed to do? Scare me? I’ll tell you what’s going to happen. You’re going to tell me what’s really been going on with you two.”

“What does it matter to you? Connor’s done with you. Now get the Hell out of here!” Kevin yelled, still attempting to wriggle out of his grasp. “Let me go! Let. Me. Go!”

“Do you honestly think I’m that  _stupid_? Connor’s old friend shows up out of nowhere, sleeps in my apartment with my fiancé in the next room while I’m away, then suddenly I get a fucking letter out of the blue telling me that I’m ‘abusive’ and the love of my life wants to  _leave_  me? Do you think I’m that stupid, Kevin? I  _know_  you put all those ideas into his head just so he’d go along with you. Don’t you think I know that? I know you’re fucking him. Just admit it. Just admit you’re fucking my fiancé! Go on, say it, say it. I want to hear you say it!” He screamed in Kevin’s face, spit spraying down all over his cheeks.

“You really need help. I’m serious, you’re fucking insane.” Kevin managed to muster out through the rough shakes that the man was inflicting upon him. Jeff’s hands wrapped around his neck now, squeezing his throat tighter and tighter.

“ _I_  need help? I’m not the one fooling around with another man’s fiancé!” He squeezed tighter.

“You’re delusional. You actually think Connor still wants to be with you after what you did? You hurt him. You hurt him…”, Kevin was cut off by another series of punches right to his gut. “Ohh…” Kevin whimpered in pain, a trail of fresh blood seeping out of his lips.

“I can do this all night.” Jeff snarled. “Just admit you tricked him into leaving me. Admit you’re fucking him. Just admit it and this can all be over.” He punched Kevin hard in the face again, his eyes slowly turning black and blue.

“I didn’t trick anyone.” Kevin was crying now and he could taste the blood on his tongue. “He just finally saw the truth, finally saw what an  _asshole_ you were. You don’t deserve someone as sweet as Connor. You don’t deserve anyone.”

“You stole my fiancé.” Jeff spat back angrily. “And I’m sick of it, you hear me? You’re going to give him back to me and forget this whole thing ever happened. You’re going to go back home to your shitty little Orlando and your shitty little life and you’re going to leave Connor the fuck alone. You hear me? You’re gonna leave him alone. No more late night texts, no more secret phone calls, no more whatever the Hell you were doing with him. It’s over. He’s  _mine_. You hear me?  _Mine_.”

Kevin laughed darkly and shook his head, licking the blood off his lips with his tongue. He couldn’t move anymore; everything hurt and his eyes could barely stay open, they were so swollen. “You talk about him like he’s a thing. He’s a person…a person who doesn’t love you anymore. A person who is so much better than you, in every sense of the word.”

Another hard punch to the face. Afterwards, Jeff grabbed onto Kevin’s wrists and twisted them hard, slamming his body down onto the concrete floor over and over and over again, Kevin’s head banging senselessly to the ground with a thud.

That was when Kevin suddenly heard the faint sound of bells coming from the door. He never would have thought it possible for a door jingle to sound so sweet to his ears, but nonetheless it sounded like music.

“Connor…” Kevin mumbled, unable to fully speak at this point.

“Kevin!” He faintly heard his name being called in a piercing, high-pitched scream. Time passed—how much time, Kevin was honestly not sure—but eventually, Kevin felt the man’s heavy weight being lifted off his person. He heard the sound of things breaking, voices shouting, doors slamming. They seemed distant, but also nearby. When the sounds finally ended, Kevin opened his eyes and looked up. He didn’t expect to find Connor’s concerned blue eyes, overflowing with tears, gazing down into his own.

“Kevin, Kevin, sweetheart, you’re okay. You’re okay.” Connor soothed gently, cupping his boyfriend’s cheek in his hands. “I’m here now. You’re okay. I love you. I love you so much. Everything’s okay.”

Kevin tried to speak, but his mouth was too puffy and swollen. “Jeff...”

“It’s okay, he’s gone. He’s gone, Kevin.” Connor affirmed, his own eyes widening at the sudden realization that Jeff was indeed gone—and  _he_ was one who told him off. Connor didn’t miss the small smile Kevin attempted to make as best he could through his swollen lips. “I…I actually did it. I told him off. I got rid of him.”

Kevin opened his mouth to say something, but it was too hard.

“Shhh.” Connor cooed, his focus returning back to Kevin. “Let me call the police and get you to the hospital. Stay right here, okay? Don’t move.” After a moment, Kevin tried to get up anyway but Connor gently pushed him back down. “Just lay still, Kev. Can you do that for me?”

Kevin nodded, wincing in pain as he closed his eyes. Shortly after, he overheard the comforting sound of his partner’s voice on the phone, calling for help. After a few moments, the soothing voice faded farther and farther away until his mind went black.

 

* * *

 

The next thing Kevin knew, he was waking up in a hospital room. It was dark outside and the lights were off. What time it was, he had no idea.

“Hey, sweetie.” Connor whispered as he sat up in the small cot that sat beside Kevin’s bed. He had been watching Kevin sleep for hours now, sitting up the moment he saw Kevin’s eyelids finally flutter open. They barely opened—they were still much too swollen.

“How do you feel?” Connor asked, his voice full of concern. He leaned over the bed so he could gently caress Kevin’s arm.

“Hurts.” Kevin croaked out. His throat felt like a desert.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie.” Connor’s voice sounded devastated. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, no…the sleigh ride…we didn’t go on the sleigh ride.” Kevin moaned mournfully, suddenly remembering what happened as he sat up a little. He winced, a sharp pain shooting up through his body.

Connor smiled sadly, fresh tears falling from his eyes, at Kevin’s sweetness. Of course his boyfriend would be worried about something like a sleigh ride at a time like this.

“Was that the Christmas surprise?” Connor asked softly, his voice cracking but his teary smile still going strong. “You were planning to take me on a sleigh ride tonight?”

Kevin nodded. He couldn’t quite open his eyes all the way, but from what he could make out, Connor’s pretty blue eyes looked absolutely heartbroken. Now Kevin finally understood how his partner must have felt all those times Jeff had hurt him—small, broken, vulnerable.

“It would’ve been so nice, the sleigh ride.” Kevin managed to muster out before closing his eyes again. He tried desperately to clear his throat but all he felt was pain. “What—what time is it?”

“It’s after four in the morning.” Connor soothed, running a soft hand through the brown locks of his partner’s hair. The motion was calming and he felt Kevin relax into it. “You should try to get some more sleep.”

Kevin nodded, gripping onto Connor’s hand for comfort.

“I love you, Kevin.” Connor sniffled again, inching his body closer to his partner’s side. It took him a few minutes to rearrange his sleeping position so he could rest his head onto Kevin’s middle, the lower half of his body draped over the cot.

“Jeff?” Kevin asked quietly without any further explanation. Connor knew what he meant.

“The police came.” Connor started to explain in a soft voice. “I told them what happened and they told me to file a report against him. So I did. We’re probably going to have to go to court and everything. It’s going to completely suck and it’s all my fault.”

Kevin shook his head, giving Connor’s hand a squeeze. “Not your fault.”

“But, um, they did say there’s a pretty good chance we’ll be able to get a restraining order against him, especially after I told them about everything else he’s done to me. They told me he really doesn’t stand much of a chance in court. The café has cameras.”

The pair laid in silence for a long time, hands intertwined and their minds nearing sleep.

“You fought back.” Kevin stated quietly after a long while, the beginnings of a smile playing on his face.

“I did.” Connor laughed through the tears. “I don’t know what came over me. I’d never done anything like that before. But when I saw you laying there on the ground like that…and your face…your face was all bloody and bruised…I just…I don’t know what happened. I don’t know where that strength came from or what came over me…I’m just glad it came.”

“S’cause you love me.” Kevin murmured sleepily with a knowing smile, trying to pull Connor closer, but struggling. Connor helped him out by scooching up a little so Kevin could wrap an arm around his shoulder.

Connor nodded, beaming bright despite the tears. “Yeah. It is.” He reached up and gently tousled Kevin’s hair. “Why don’t you just rest and get some sleep, okay? The doctor said you’ll be able to go home tomorrow.”

Kevin nodded and soon fell back to sleep. Connor couldn’t sleep though—his brain just wouldn’t stop reeling and replaying the day’s events over and over in his mind. So many worries, so many fears. So instead he just spent hours watching Kevin sleep, taking comfort in the man’s strong heartbeat and the steady rhythm of his breaths. Eventually, Connor McKinley fell asleep too, his arms wrapped tightly around his partner.

 

* * *

 

They went home the next day—on Christmas Day. Connor made Kevin a big, hot bowl of soup that he fed to him bed. They opened their Christmas presents together and lounged around their bedroom most of the day, talking quietly, crying a little, laughing every now and then.

They called up Arnold and Nabulungi on speaker phone to wish them a Merry Christmas, but ended up talking to them on the phone for over two hours. They told them everything that had happened over the past month and a half—about Jeff and Connor and all of the abuse, about Kevin and Connor ending up together and everything that happened in between. It felt good to finally get it off their chests and tell someone about it. Besides, there was no way they were going to keep a secret like that from their best friends.

Arnold was shocked. Nabulungi cried. Kevin and Connor tried not to cry, but they couldn’t help it.

Arnold kept on trying to offer their home to them, trying desperately to convince Kevin and Connor that New York City was clearly much too dangerous and they needed to get out of there right away. Kevin insisted they had to stay in New York so Connor could land his big role on Broadway one day. Connor just laughed the compliment off and shook his head, insisting he’ll probably never make it on Broadway and that Kevin is just a sweetheart. They talked about their new apartment—about how the heater didn’t really work all that well and how they had to live with roommates because they didn’t make enough money. They talked about the coffeehouse and Kendra and their date to Rockefeller Center and how Kevin fell on his butt over ten times when they went ice skating. Arnold once again offered his home to them with Kevin just laughing at his best friend’s kind mirth, insisting to him that they would be okay. And they would be okay.

They ended the call by promising each other they’d all get together soon. And they would. Kevin knew they would.

Connor and Kevin knew they had a battle in front of them to fight. They knew it wouldn’t be easy and that it wouldn’t be very pretty and that it would probably end up costing them a lot of money in lawyer fees and time they didn’t have to spend and that the whole ordeal would hurt Connor an awful lot to have to relive it all and see Jeff again and it would certainly be very scary—but they also knew it would be worth it, in the end. It would provide them with much-needed closure and peace of mind and a chance to put it all behind them.

That night, Kevin took a long, hot shower before crawling into bed next to Connor—his best friend and the love of his life. They snuggled close to one another, holding onto each other as tight as they possibly could. It hadn’t been a spectacular day—no, it hadn’t been even a remotely good day, not even a little bit, despite it being Christmas.

Connor’s nerves were still frayed and Kevin’s face was still black and blue.

And yet, still, somehow, it wasn’t that bad of a day.

Connor McKinley could remember a time before all of this—before he was able to snuggle up close to Kevin Price and feel safe and sound wrapped up in his arms. He remembered how lonely it all felt, with Jeff, before he could wake up each morning to the comforting sounds of coffee brewing and a warm body in the bed next to him, strong arms holding him nice and close. That other life, the life he had with Jeff, seemed to him, a very distant memory—almost as though the Connor McKinley in those memories wasn’t actually Connor McKinley at all, but was more like an empty shell of Connor. Now that he had Kevin—now that he had real love—he felt  _whole_ again. He felt like  _himself_ again.

Kevin Price could remember a time before he was able to hold Connor McKinley in his arms—before he could lean in and, every so often, catch a whiff of the most delicate coffee and chocolate scents radiating off his partner’s wavy red hair. He remembered how everything felt before—before he could caress his partner’s arms and legs and everything in between and count the hundreds of freckles that adorned his pale skin. That other life, the life he spent alone, seemed to him, a very distant memory—as though the man in those memories wasn’t actually Kevin Price at all, but was more like half of Kevin Price—an incomplete puzzle, an abandoned, unfinished work of art. Now that he had Connor, he felt  _whole_  again. He felt  _completed_ , as though this entire time, Connor actually held the other half of Kevin’s heart inside of him without realizing it and now that they were together, everything just fell into place.

Everything just felt… _right_.

They fell asleep like that in each other’s arms after a very bad day, snowflakes falling lazily outside their window, piling up on the ground in drifts. They fell asleep wondering how it was possible for one of the worst days of their entire lives to somehow still feel so damn  _good_. And if that was how being together felt on one of the  _worst_  possible days, they couldn’t even imagine how wonderful one of the  _best_  possible days might feel.

And they honestly could not wait to find out.

 


	12. Chapter 12 (Three Years Later)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! In case it's confusing since I posted 3 chapters today--Chapters 10, 11, and 12 are all new!

 

**_Three years later_ **

 

Kevin had been running around the apartment like a crazy person all morning long, cleaning and scrubbing and neatening up everything in sight. Connor would finally be coming home that night and Kevin wanted it to be absolutely spotless for his big arrival.

By the time he was all done cleaning, the entire apartment practically glistened—the glass tables shiny, the laundry all done and put away, the floors freshly mopped. He even made the bed, which was something he never bothered to do. Well, at least not while Connor was away. What was the point in even making the bed when you were just going to get right back in and mess it up again? That was Kevin’s logic on the matter, anyway. Connor disagreed—he always felt it was nice to climb into a freshly made bed at the end of a long, hard day.

And on this day in particular, Kevin wanted the bed to be just  _perfect_  since Connor would be taking a long, five-hour flight from San Francisco to New York City. He was sure to be utterly exhausted by the time he got home. Connor had expressed to Kevin many times over the past few months that he missed being able to sleep in his own bed, in his real home, with Kevin. So of course, being the thoughtful partner he was, Kevin made the bed for him that morning. He even washed all the sheets and blankets with Downy so they would be extra soft and clean for him to get a sound sleep that night.

By the time he was done putting the finishing touches on the bed—freshly fluffed pillows with clean blue pillowcases—Kevin collapsed atop the covers with a content sigh. He hated cleaning, he really did, but he wanted everything to be just right for when his husband came home. He glanced at the clock—it was only one pm. Connor wouldn’t be home for another six or seven hours still.

Closing his eyes, a happy grin spread across his tired face. That night, he’d be falling asleep next to Connor McKinley, the love of his life—his rock, his soulmate, his partner—his everything. It had been far too long since he’d been able to do that. Two months, in fact.

Connor had been away with the National Tour of  _Wicked_  as an ensemble member for the past eight months going from St. Paul to LA to San Francisco, leaving Kevin alone at home in their medium-sized, two-bedroom New York City apartment. Their place was definitely a nice upgrade from the little room they used to share after they got Connor out of his relationship with Jeff. Their current apartment wasn’t outstandingly big or luxurious and it wasn’t in the fanciest neighborhood, but it was certainly respectable.

While Connor was away on tour, they still managed to see each other every couple of months or so. They would alternate between Kevin flying there and Connor flying home, but their time together during those visits was so limited, usually lasting just two or three days at a time. It just wasn’t enough. Kevin missed his husband terribly. Connor missed him right back just as much. But they’d gotten through the hardship of the long distance and now Connor was finally on his way home for good.

Connor had finally gotten offered a role on Broadway as a member of the ensemble in  _Wicked_  and it was an absolute dream come true. All the years he spent struggling to try and make it were finally paying off—Connor McKinley was going to make his Broadway debut, at last, in just three days.

Kevin couldn’t wait to go see him perform with Arnold and Nabulungi, who were arriving in New York City the next night for a week-long visit. Kevin was keeping their arrival a secret from Connor in hopes of surprising him—Kevin often surprised Connor with little things here and there but this one sure was a whammy.

Connor had gotten them the best seats in the house too—8th row center. Kevin told him to get three tickets but wouldn’t tell Connor why he needed three, just that he did. The redhead knew Kevin was up to something and was probably going to be surprising him with something amazing—Kevin was always surprising him with something amazing.

For Kevin, the anticipation of seeing his husband perform in an actual Broadway show was almost too much to handle. He was pretty sure his heart might explode into a thousand pieces at the sight of him up there on a real, live Broadway stage. But that was still three days away. For now, all he had to worry about was properly welcoming Connor home and spending Christmas together with their best friends, Arnold and Naba, and making sure they had enough hot cocoa in the house.

There were times over the past eight months when Kevin felt terribly lonely, being so far away from his husband for months at a time—but Kevin was also unbelievably proud of Connor. He’d always known Connor had what it took to succeed at what he loved to do—Jeff had just held him back for a little while. But that was all behind them now. Besides, Kevin had his work at the magazine to keep himself busy, not to mention their crazy little dog, Sam—a sweet, overly-excited Yorkshire Terrier Kevin had given Connor as a Christmas gift the year before.

The look on Connor’s face that Christmas morning when he woke up to an adorable puppy standing on his belly, a red bow around his neck, licking his face, was priceless. Kevin had previously argued against having a dog in the city, but even he couldn’t help himself when he saw little Sam at the ASPCA. He’d gone there with Kendra when she was trying to adopt a kitten and there the little guy was—just bouncing around wildly in his cage, barking to high Heaven, looking up at Kevin with the most hopeful, endearing eyes. Kevin was instantly smitten and he knew Connor would be too.

He thought they’d never manage to top the Christmas they’d gotten their little Sammy, but that assumption turned out to be wrong. This Christmas, Arnold and Naba were coming to watch Connor McKinley make his Broadway debut and that, thought Kevin, would never, ever be topped.

“Ruff, ruff!” Sam barked happily, tongue hanging dopily out of his little mouth, as he jumped up on the bed and landed on top of Kevin. “Ruff!”

“Hey there, boy.” Kevin cooed, giving Sam soft pets along his fur. “Connor comes home tonight! Are you excited?”

“Ruff!”

“I know, me too. I can’t wait to see him.”

“Ruff!” Another bark, more running in circles. “Ruff, ruff!”

“Connor’s coming home and he’s gonna be in a Broadway show. I know, it’s so crazy, huh, boy?” Kevin cooed to their little dog.

“Ruff, ruff!” He answered, tongue hanging lazily from his mouth.

A keen awareness suddenly came over Kevin. “A dog. I’m talking to a dog. I’m having a full on conversation with…a dog.”

“Ruff!”

“What do you think, Sam? Have I completely lost my mind without Connor here to keep me sane?”

“Ruff, ruff!” His bark was happy, almost as though he really could understand his master’s words.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Kevin agreed, moving Sam over onto his back so he could rub his belly. “It’s a good thing he’s coming home tonight then, huh?”

 

* * *

 

Hours passed by after that, Kevin not realizing he had fallen asleep on the bed next to their little pup. Sam was lying next to him, fast asleep, curled up in a little ball, snoring lightly.

Kevin only started to wake up when he felt the sensation of another pair of lips brushing against his own. They softly pressed further into him—delicately, at first, then soon with a sense of urgency. Kevin wasn’t fully awake yet, but he was alert enough to instinctively reach up and pull the perpetrator in closer, deepening the kiss. Slowly, he opened his eyes. As his eyes fluttered open, he saw Connor leaning over top of him, gazing down at him in adoration. Connor was still wearing his winter coat and hat, droplets of snow melting and dripping off of him and onto Kevin.

“Oh my God, Connor!” Kevin cried out in joy, urgently pulling his husband down into him, their bodies crashing together, both of them rolling around on the bed, grinning and laughing like no tomorrow. “I’ve missed you so much, Connor.” Kevin whispered into his husband’s ear, tears rolling down his cheeks, arms wrapped tightly, fiercely, around Connor’s middle. “I’m so happy you’re home. I love you so much.” Another squeeze, Kevin’s face was practically glowing.

“I’ve missed you too, Kev.” Connor beamed happily through tears of his own as he lifted himself off of Kevin just a bit so he could take off his coat and throw it down to the floor along with his snowy hat. “And I love you too.” Connor grinned before climbing on top of Kevin again, straddling him, one leg on either side of Kevin’s hips.

They kissed each other maniacally, with all the feeling and passion and intense longing that can only come from not having seen each other for too goddamn long. Hands wandered, each of them exploring the other’s body as though it was their first time touching one another. Their deep, urgent kissing lasted for a long time, only slowing down once they realized they really did need air.

Connor broke the kiss first, gasping desperately, taking in deep breaths. “You made the bed for me. You hate making the bed.” He laughed, out of breath, rolling over so he was lying on his back next to Kevin.

“I did. I even put fresh sheets on and everything.” Kevin beamed, quite proud of himself. “Just the way you like it.” He added, poking his husband’s chest.

Connor hummed in contentment as he rolled over onto his side, facing Kevin, so they could resume their soft kissing, the other man rolling over onto his side as well to meet him halfway. Bolts of electricity shot through Connor’s body like haywire as he felt Kevin grab onto the meat of his thigh, squeezing it. “But we’re probably just going to mess it up again.” Connor replied, referring to the freshly made bed. The redhead grinned knowingly before quickly diving back into Kevin for another kiss.

“That’s what I always say!” The brunette laughed into the other man’s mouth, returning Connor’s kiss with just as much intensity. He pulled back long enough to speak. “I knew how tired you’d be after your flight, so I wanted the bed to be perfect for you.”

“That’s so sweet of you…but I don’t think I want to go to sleep just yet.” Connor smirked playfully. His face was flushed, rosy and perfect, the hundreds of tiny freckles Kevin was so familiar with cascading from his cheeks all the way down to his toes.

Kevin shrugged, not quite getting what Connor was eluding too. “Okay, but you must be exhausted.” He yawned with a content smile on his face, stretching out his arms. “I really don’t mind if you wanna skip dinner and just go right to sleep.”

Connor cocked his head to the side, a slightly pouty, disappointed look on his face. “I haven’t seen you in two whole months, Kevin Price. I don’t want to go to sleep. Not yet, anyway.” He leaned down and placed a sweet kiss to his husband’s lips. “Not when there’s more fun things we could be doing.”

Kevin beamed happily. “Well, in that case, I’ll make us that nice, romantic dinner I was telling you about. I even got champagne and everything. How does that sound?”

“That sounds more like it.” Connor grinned expectantly, giving Kevin a flirtatious poke on the nose. “And then what?”

“And then…hmmm. Oh, and then we can watch one of your favorite movies. While you were gone, I got really bored and signed us up for three more streaming services! So now we have, like, all the movies.” Kevin grinned brightly, pleased with himself. “We can watch anything you want!”

“Oh…uh, okay, sure, but then what?” Connor urged, his eyes pleading. “What about after?”

Kevin paused, cocking his head to the side, trying to think of something else they could do.

“You’re my  _husband_ , Kevin…my husband who I haven’t seen in over two months.” Connor prodded as though it were obvious, but received no answer from the other man other than a quizzical look.

“Sex, Kevin.” The redhead rolled his eyes playfully and gave his partner a knowing look. They both paused for a moment before erupting into giggles.

“Oh, _that_ , well…yeah, I’d definitely like to do that.” Kevin blushed and reached up to run a tender hand over Connor’s flushed cheek. “That’s a better idea than any of mine. Forget mine—let’s do yours, okay?”

“Yeah?” Connor laughed with mirth, leaning down to nibble at Kevin’s neck.

“Yeah, I’d like that a lot.” Kevin murmured, closing his eyes, grinning wildly at the feeling of Connor’s lips grazing his neck. God, he loved this human being so much—more than anybody else in the whole freakin’ world.

“I’ve missed you so much, Connor McKinley.” Kevin whispered softly as he felt Connor’s tongue delicately tease the skin of his neck.

“Like, a lot-a lot?” Connor asked, giggling into his husband’s neck.

“Mmmm.” Kevin hummed in contentment, a stupidly large grin on his face. “Yeah, like a lot-a lot.”

 

* * *

 

The next morning, Connor woke up to the comforting aromas of fresh brewed coffee, eggs and bacon. He woke up rather slowly this morning, lazily even, relishing in the feeling of having two whole days off before his big show on Tuesday. He felt the space next to him, expecting to find Kevin’s warm body—but it was empty. Pouting a little, but also knowing full well that Kevin was probably in the kitchen making breakfast, he stretched out in the middle of the bed with a quiet yawn.

He and Kevin had made love two times the night before. The first time—quick, urgent, passionate; the second—slow and careful. Connor McKinley’s body still felt warm and satisfied—relaxed and limp in the afterglow of Kevin’s touch.

Connor could overhear the distant sounds of Kevin talking excitedly to their dog, Sam, and before he knew it, the pitter patter of Sam’s feet raced towards the bed until finally the dog scampered atop the covers and jumped hard right onto Connor’s belly.

“Whoa, oh gosh, good boy. There, there. Good boy, shhh.” Connor cooed, trying to calm down their dog, who was now barking loudly and giving Connor’s face tiny licks. “Did Kevin put you up to this? Huh? Yeah, I know he did. He’s so bad, isn’t he?” He spoke softly to the dog as he gave him gentle pets, receiving happy barks in response.

Kevin re-entered the room with a grin, equipped with two hot mugs of coffee and breakfast plates that he had somehow balanced perfectly so they wouldn’t fall.

“Morning, sleeping beauty.” Kevin teased as he set the two plates and coffees down on the nightstand and sat on the bed next to Connor. “I sent Sam in to wake you up. Did it work?”

“Mmm hmmm.” Connor moaned as he felt Kevin place a soft, wet kiss to his lips. “What time is it?” He murmured quietly into Kevin’s mouth.

“Almost noon.” Kevin replied, running a slow hand along Connor’s rosy cheek, then down to his neck and, finally, to his shoulder. “I tried to wake you up this morning, but you wouldn’t budge.”

“Well, you must’ve worn me out last night.” Connor beamed, his face still glowing pink and happy from his intimate welcome home from Kevin the night before. He then realized what day it was. “Oh, it’s Christmas Eve. Happy Christmas Eve, Kevin.”

“Happy Christmas Eve, Con.” Kevin replied softly, leaning down to give Connor one more sweet kiss. He reached over to grab his cup of coffee and plate of yummy breakfast and plopped back on the bed.

“I made us breakfast in bed, aren’t I the best?” Kevin congratulated himself with a smug grin as he bit into his toast, which was piled high with eggs.

“The best.” Connor assured and hungrily bit into his own piece of toast.

They sat up in bed together, eating their breakfast and talking quietly, Sam going bonkers at the tempting smells of delicious bacon and eggs, barking and running around like crazy, begging for scraps of food. Kevin was a big ol’ softie and always let Sam have little bits of his food, while Connor usually just sat there, shaking his head.

“We’re doing the sleigh ride again this year, right?” Connor asked hopefully to Kevin. “In the park?”

“Yeah, it’s tonight! We’re totally going.” Kevin answered through chews as though it were obvious, his eyes twinkling just a bit. “And I have a  _big_ surprise for you too.” He grinned mischievously as he shoved another big bite of food into his mouth.

“Of course you do.” Connor shook his head knowingly. “Do I at least get a hint this time?”

“Um,  _no_. Do you even need to ask at this point?” Kevin retorted, a bewildered expression on his face, as though the very notion of a hint was blasphemous.

Connor rolled his eyes with a soft smile. “Fine, but it better not be anything too crazy. I’m already so frazzled as it is. I make my Broadway debut in just  _two days_ , remember?” He reminded him pointedly, as though it were somehow possible for his husband to forget this monumental moment in their lives.

“Ugh, no, I totally forgot about that. What’s the deal with that again?” Kevin mocked Connor, earning himself a rightful smack to the arm.

Sam ran around the couple in crazed circles atop the bed, desperately trying to get a hold of just one piece of bacon off their plates. Connor and Kevin laughed together, snuggling close and holding hands. They drank their coffees in bed for the next hour, kissing softly while watching the snow fall peacefully out their window—it was the perfect first morning together after far too much time spent apart.

After breakfast was over, the pair lingered in bed for a long while, kissing lazily and just talking about nothing and everything. Kevin couldn’t help but start to run his hands all over Connor’s soft, bare, porcelain skin—he’d missed it so much—thus instigating yet a third round of lovemaking in the span of just fifteen hours since being reunited with one another. Little did Kevin and Connor know, they wouldn’t leave the bedroom all day—at least, not until Arnold and Naba showed up.

 

* * *

 

“Ding dong! We’re here!” Arnold called out loudly as they entered Kevin and Connor’s apartment a few hours later. It was dark inside the house, save for the sparkling multi-colored lights of the Christmas Tree and the blue lights surrounding the window panes. “That’s weird, Kev knew we would be here by five. Kev?” He called out again to his friend. “Yoo-hoo, anybody home? We come bearing gifts!”

Kevin suddenly came bounding out of their bedroom, scrambling to tie his bathrobe closed, hair a complete mess. He pulled a rather sheepish Connor behind him, also clad in just a bathrobe.

“Sorry, we, uh…kinda lost track of ti—“, Kevin started, but was immediately interrupted by an ungodly squeal coming from behind him. “ _Ow_ , Jesus Christ!” Kevin tried to protect his ears by covering them with his hands.

“ _Arnold! Naba!_ ” Connor shrieked at the top of his lungs once he realized who their unexpected houseguests were, the pitch of his voice higher than usual. His squeals always got noticeably higher pitched the more surprised he was, Kevin had observed over the years. Despite the unholy sounds coming from Connor’s mouth, Kevin was overjoyed at seeing his husband so ecstatic and thrilled.

“I can’t believe you guys are here! You’re really here! What— _how_? I mean, what are you  _doing_ here?” Connor jumped up and down excitedly, crying out in joy.

“Kevin, you didn’t  _tell_  him?” Naba looked incredulously at the tall brunette, shaking her head and laughing. Turning back to Connor, she grinned. “We came for Christmas!”

“And to see you on Broadway!” Arnold finished for his wife. “I mean,  _duh_ , we’re not gonna miss something absolutely amazing like your Broadway debut. What kind of best friends would do that? Come on, dude, be real.”

Connor turned around to gape at Kevin. “ _You_! Why didn’t you tell me they were coming?”

Kevin blushed sheepishly with a shrug. “Ta da! Surprise!”

Connor just glared at him, shaking his head in disapproval.

“Merry Christmas?” Kevin tried again, his voice unsure.

Despite his initial outrage at his husband’s “surprise”, Connor was unable to contain the huge grin that spread across his face. “I could just kill you for keeping this kind of thing a secret from me, Kevin Price. Shame on you.”

Turning back to Arnold and Naba, Connor blushed, embarrassed at his current state—hair completely mussed and damp, he and Kevin wearing only bathrobes.

“Gosh, look at us, we’re such a mess. I am  _so_  sorry about this. Let us go get dressed, we’ll be back in a minute.” Connor apologized before turning around to go change.

“It’s just us, Con. We’ve seen you guys in PJs before. Who cares? Just come ‘ere!” Arnold chuckled at Connor’s self-consciousness and pulled him into a big hug.

“I’ve missed you guys so much.” Connor sniffled into Arnold’s chest, happy tears accidentally spilling out of his eyes. “Thank you so much for coming. Gosh, I still can’t believe you’re here. You’re really  _here_.”

“We’ve missed you guys too.” Nabulungi grinned, reaching out to place a tender hand on the redhead’s shoulder, trying to hold back tears just the same. “Congratulations on the show, Connor. It’s going to be amazing. We’re all so proud of you!”

“Get in here, best friend!” Arnold cried out to Kevin, who grinned and bridged the distance between himself and Arnold, pulling his best buddy and partner into a warm embrace. Naba quickly followed suit and wrapped her arms around all three boys.

“Group hug!” Arnold yelled happily, not able to contain his blatant excitement at seeing his best friends once again.

 

* * *

 

They spent Christmas Eve that night going to Central Park and riding a horse-drawn sleigh, which had become a bit of a Christmas tradition for Connor and Kevin over the past three years. Nabulungi didn’t like the smell of the horse manure and Arnold kept yelling “giddy-up” a bit too loudly to try and get the horses to trot faster, but all in all, it was a magical night spent with good friends.

After their ride on the sleigh, Kevin and Connor took Arnold and Naba to see the big Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center, where they didn’t ice skate this time (mostly because Kevin refused), but they hung around the rink drinking hot cocoa and laughing and singing along with the cheerful Christmas music. Later that night, Connor made up the spare room for their two friends to sleep in. They all woke up the next day on Christmas morning to gifts and coffee and snow and laughter and Sam running around like a crazy pup, jumping on Arnold’s lap and licking his face. Connor usually got a little sad on Christmas morning because it reminded him of the family he no longer had, but on this Christmas, everyone he loved was right there with him anyway, so it really didn’t matter.

The next night was the big night of the show and Connor could barely contain his excitement. He’d finally be making his long-awaited Broadway debut. He could hardly sleep the night before, tossing and turning and waking up from nightmare after nightmare—in one of them, he forgot all of his lines; in another; he was standing on stage in just his tighty whities.

Kevin could hardly sleep either—he was too nervous. They woke up every so often and talked in the middle of the night about how insanely scared and thrilled they were. Kevin always got horrible stage fright for Connor whenever he watched him perform. It usually only lasted for a few minutes or less, but it still made him unbelievably anxious. He couldn’t even imagine the amount of stress the actual performers must feel—having to get up there and bare your all and hope to God you don’t mess up or flub a line or spit too much while singing.

Connor always maintained a pretty decent calm while performing, despite having a ton of nervous energy in the hours leading up to it. Kevin could never really understand that enigma, but he supposed that was what enabled Connor to do this for a living and not Kevin. No, definitely not Kevin. He got nervous merely watching a show—he couldn’t even imagine being  _in_  one.

Connor had to leave several hours earlier than everyone else since he was required to be at the theater at least three hours before the show was set to start. After spending way too much time in the bathroom getting ready, Connor finally emerged to greet his husband, fresh and clean. Kevin was laying in their bed, waiting for him eagerly.

Connor leaned down and gave his husband a deep kiss goodbye, gently stroking Kevin’s cheek with his hand.

“I’m gonna go now. I’ll see you later, okay?” Connor said to Kevin, a nervous tremble in his voice as he broke their kiss.

“Hey.” Kevin cooed, reaching up to brush back a few stray hairs from Connor’s forehead. The redhead had blown his hair out with the dryer after his shower so his short, red locks were softer and bouncier than usual. “You’re gonna be amazing tonight, Con. I know you are. You’ve done this same show a hundred times before and this one really is no different. Remember that, okay? You got this.”

Connor nodded and leaned down to give Kevin a peck on the cheek. “I know, I’m just a little scared. I mean, I know I’ve done it a hundred times before but this is on  _Broadway_. I mean, what if I mess up something stupid just because I’m nervous and I blow my entire Broadway debut? That would be so embarrassing.”

“You’re going to be just fine.” Kevin affirmed with a confident smile as he pulled Connor down so he could cover his cheeks with soft kisses.

“So how many playbills are you gonna steal tonight?” Connor giggled, reaching up to tousle Kevin’s hair. “Fifty?”

“As many as they’ll let me.” He laughed before letting Connor stand up. “Now get out of here and I’ll see you later. And remember—you’re gonna be great, tonight.”

“You’re supposed to say ‘break a leg’, Kevin.” Connor reminded him.

“Fine,  _break a leg_  tonight.” Kevin grinned, squeezing Connor’s hands for reassurance. “But don’t  _really_  break a leg because that would be unbelievably horrific.”

 

* * *

 

Four hours later, Kevin, Arnold and Nabulungi were all seated in the center of the theater, unable to control their excitement. Kevin felt as though he might puke. Arnold wouldn’t stop talking about how proud he was of Connor and how he always knew this would happen for him. Nabulungi just laughed at the two men and told them to be quiet—it was starting.

For the first few moments Connor was on stage performing, Kevin was certain he was going to have a stroke. He was unbelievably nervous for his husband, who wanted so badly to do well. But there he was—totally fine, looking calm as ever, despite his earlier hysterics of fear and anxiety and nervousness. After a while, Kevin’s body relaxed as well and he was able to enjoy the rest of the show.

The couple made eye contact a few times throughout the show, each time sharing a secret smile—Kevin usually giving him a big thumbs up in addition. Connor knew it was unprofessional for him to interact with someone he knew in the audience while he was performing, so he tried to keep it to a minimum—but it certainly did comfort him knowing Kevin and his friends were right there, cheering him on throughout.

After it was over, Connor came out to give his bow after the rest of the ensemble, since Connor had a slightly meatier supporting role. Another cast member handed him a bouquet of roses, which was standard when leaving a show or making your Broadway debut. Kevin, Arnold and Naba woo-hooed and screamed so loudly, the people around them probably thought they were insane.

Connor’s face lit up once his eyes found Kevin’s. Tears were streaming down both their faces—in awe of the magnitude of the moment—in awe of all that had happened and all that was to come. Kevin knew they were happy tears, so it was okay.

Connor gave his partner a small wave and blew him a kiss. He looked deep into Kevin’s eyes, both of which were overflowing with tears, and mouthed just two words before backing away from the center of the stage and letting the next actor come out and do their bows and those words were simply—

 _Thank you_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: I posted Chapters 10, 11, and 12 all together--just trying to make sure people aren't missing any! I know it's weird that I posted three chapters at once, sorry~
> 
> \---
> 
> This is the last chapter in this story!! I can't even describe how overwhelmed I feel that this has come to an end, but I am pretty happy with how it turned out, I think. 
> 
> Thank you SO MUCH to all of you, for reading, subscribing, leaving kudos and commenting on this fic. I really, honestly put all of my heart and soul into it and I am beyond thrilled that so many people enjoyed it.
> 
> I will be writing more McPriceley soon and maybe some sidefics to this one since I'm pretty pleased with how this world / story came out. 
> 
> I want to start cross-promoting my work on other platforms so if you want, please follow me on Instagram @ elderkevinmckinley - I will be posting some finished companion art to this fic soon.
> 
> I recently made a Tumblr account where I'd love to take prompts/fic ideas: <http://elderkevinmckinley.tumblr.com>
> 
> THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! xoxo


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